The Jerry Springer Show Notes

2002-08-14T21:39:00.000-04:00

BookCrossing - Home - FREE YOUR BOOKS!

Note that says 'free your books', not 'free books'.

2002-08-13T18:05:00.000-04:00

I BELIEVE IN THE ZUUTINY! apparently finds much hilarity here... thanks;)

2002-08-13T17:59:00.000-04:00

I have no idea what happened before--blogspot ate the blog or something... I haven't been watching Springer much at all lately, so I just wasn't inclined to fix it. But it started bugging me more, so now it's fixed... I hope.

2002-03-25T23:04:00.000-05:00

Sittin' & Thinkin' links here.

2002-03-20T02:54:00.000-05:00

Turned to catch the end of Springer--

Lady: I don't have trouble finding a man--I like a man like George W. Bush! [Jimmy and another security guy stand up, saluting] Audience: [stands up] U-S-A U-S-A U-S-A U-S-A U-S-A U-S-A!

2002-03-14T17:09:00.000-05:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Hillbilly Court"

::laughs:: There's a pig pushing the red carpet out:)

::laughs more:: They have courtroom lecterns onstage;)

"The case of... A Roll in the Hey, You're Not My Wife!"

Twins, one of them says the other pretended to be her to sleep with her husband.

Kristi: Just because I'm not tied down [having a husband]-- The other one: I *like* being tied down--[stops and makes a 'ohhh, I can't believe I said that...' face] Audience: OOOOOOOO!!!!! [laughs and laughs]

Awwww, Todd isn't the other twin's type... he's having the audience chant 'whore whore whore!';)

[---story change---]

Chuck's wife stole his teeth and his toupee when she left.

His wife says she paid for the teeth and the hair, so they belong to her.

"The case of... The Ruthless, the Toothless, and the Rug!"

Jerry: We have a resident expert on baldness... Audience: STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE!!

Steve rubbed the guy's head;)

The guy looks a lot better with his teeth, but without the wig.

::laughs:: They put the wig on Steve...

[---story change---]

This girl's mother-in-law stole the girl's stripping clothes.

"The case of... The Flaming Thong!"

Jerry: This *is* the Jerry Springer Show... the stripper always wins.

((::comes back from being afk and away from tv, too))

[---Q&A---]

Someone in the audience wants the guy without the teeth to 'take it off';) Yay.

::laughs and hugs the guy:: He's cool...

::boggles:: Richard boinged him:>

A guy in the audience looks like Bruce Vilanch... only... smaller...

Bruce is cool, for note. He had his mother on his show. She's cool, too.

[---Steve and the pig onstage---]

The pig is playing the piano;)

2002-03-09T00:01:00.000-05:00

Heya. Hi to my 32 Italian hits. Hallo to the 3 from Bahrain.

2002-03-08T20:34:00.000-05:00

There, a new poll is up.

2002-03-08T20:01:00.000-05:00

Yay! It works!

Now I just need to start posting again, heh.

2002-03-08T19:57:00.000-05:00

Why. Isn't. It. Working?

2002-03-08T19:54:00.000-05:00

Please work?

2002-03-08T19:52:00.000-05:00

Arg...

2002-03-08T19:49:00.000-05:00

Nope, didn't work that time... maybe this time?

2002-03-08T19:47:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to add a comments system; hmm...

2002-03-04T00:24:00.000-05:00

Police Arrest Wanted Springer Guest

2002-02-05T17:48:00.000-05:00

I now have a new blog, so as to no longer disturb my friends. Spoilers for Silence of the Lambs, and Red Dragon (books and movies).

2002-02-03T02:57:00.000-05:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Mom, I'm Marrying Your Man"

Trisha is sleeping with her mom's bf.

Audience: BRIDAL WHORE BRIDAL WHORE!

::boggles:: She's been sleeping with him since she was 13, now she's 18.

Trisha: My mom is so stupid, Jerry, I'm telling ya-- Jerry: Tell me! [sits down]

Trisha looks forty. Says she's 18. I bet she never gets carded.

The bf: Yeah, she was 13, okay, yeah, check this out, wouldn't you like to be with a 13 year old? Jerry: Nooo!!

Jerry: That is very sick. We'll be back. [commercial signal]

[---story change---]

Bear is sleeping with this guy's fiance. Bear is female.

Regina, the fiance.

Bear looks a bit like Jodie Foster...

[---story change---]

Kevin's cousin ran off with his gf.

Steve's giving Kevin a shoulder massage:p Audience: STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE!

[---Q&A---]

Nothing very interesting, except a woman telling Regina off for saying she loves Bear, but picking the guy anyway.

[---Final Thought---]

"Till next time, take care of yourself... and eachother."

[---Steve's Corner---]

With Bear.

Steve gave Bear two women from the audience, Storm and Bev. Bear says her heart belongs to Regina;)

2002-01-01T03:08:00.000-05:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Now, then... I was chatting with a fellow Springer fan on AIM when Springer came on, so I asked if she'd like to participate in the notes... she said yes!

So here are tonight's Springer Notes, guest-starring Millie! ((Her website is HOLASCOPE.)) I am PeleStardust.

---------

PeleStardust: JERRY JERRY JERRY...
PeleStardust: Hehe:)
PeleStardust: I'd like to be one of the people who carry the cords around for the camera guys...
PeleStardust: "Shocking Stories"
PeleStardust: Jerry's in all black. He looks good all in black:)
kottori: neat
PeleStardust: Jerry: [shaking peoples' hands] Thank you, thank you... ah, well, that's all the time we have for tonight, goodbye. Audience: [laughs]
PeleStardust: EWwwwww, it's Taralisa!!
kottori: who's taralisa?!?!?
PeleStardust: Oh I can't stand her...
kottori: lol
PeleStardust: She has sex with food.
kottori: ohhh i know who she is?
PeleStardust: SpringerCam, Taralisa's in this grocery store putting meat all over herself... and something green.
kottori: she looks like a lesbo!
kottori: ew
PeleStardust: She seems fake. Her face is totally emotionless...
kottori: TARALISA IS A DYKE
PeleStardust: Hey, don't insult dykes, Taralisa's disgusting;)
kottori: hahaha
PeleStardust: SpringerCam, Taralisa: [grabbing peoples' ankles] OHHHHH! HAVE SEX WITH MEEEE!
PeleStardust: SpringerCam, Guy: You are disgusting, I *will not* have sex with you!
kottori: errrr, a lil horny eh?
kottori: lol
PeleStardust: She's iiiicky!
PeleStardust: The grocery store manager is calling the police;)
kottori: no doubt
kottori: is she all covered in food?
kottori: good
PeleStardust: Yes. Ewww.
PeleStardust: Back on stage now... she just threw her wig at the audience.
kottori: lmao
kottori: damn, i can't believe im missing this
PeleStardust: Jerry: Why did you do that? Taralisa: Huh? Jerry: Why did you do that? Taralisa: Why, why, why? Why did I do that? Because, because... I have, have a fffetish.
PeleStardust: When is Springer on there?
kottori: the taralisa's fetish sucks
PeleStardust: A guy in the audience is hiding behind his hands;)
PeleStardust: ::grins and nods, echoing:: Taralisa's fetish sucks...
kottori: at 12m
PeleStardust: Ahh.
kottori: i would just hide
kottori: run if i could
PeleStardust: Hehe. Run backstage and apply for a job to carry the cords around.
kottori: yes, yes-yes indeed
PeleStardust: ::laughs::
kottori: get away from taralisa
kottori: but why is taralisa there? why is her story shocking?
kottori: its disgusting
PeleStardust: There's a commercial on for one of those... learn-by-mail places... private investigator and veterinary assistant and such. I should call them and ask why they don't offer degrees in mortuary science.
PeleStardust: She's gonna tell her husband. He'll probably be shocked;)
PeleStardust: Taralisa's better than the guy who likes to throw up on his partner, though:\
kottori: she's married?
kottori: i saw that one too
PeleStardust: Well, boyfriend maybe. I didn't catch which one Jerry said. He'll say again...
kottori: taralisa was on an island show was she?
PeleStardust: Yeah, she was.
PeleStardust: She tried to have sex with cooked lobsters.
PeleStardust: She kept saying, "Looobsterrrr, have seeex with meeee!!"
kottori: yeah she had something with the poor chickens too
kottori: poor lil animals they get killed t end up with her
PeleStardust: Jerry: Welcome back, we've been talking with Taralisa, here... even on our show, Taralisa pushes the limits...
PeleStardust: Yeah;)
PeleStardust: Ah, he's a boyfriend.
PeleStardust: She says she started when she was 16, with bananananas.
kottori: ooo ok
PeleStardust: (I added the extra nananana's;)
kottori: eewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
kottori: lmao
kottori: its still disgusting to think what she did with em o_O
PeleStardust: Neil is the boyfriend. Guys named Neil shouldn't have to deal with Taralisa.
PeleStardust: Yeah;)
kottori: no guy should deal with her
PeleStardust: Taralisa: I couldn't tell you at home cos I knew you'd freak out. Neil: So you brought me to Jerry Springer to tell me!
PeleStardust: Yeah, poor guys.
kottori: taralisa's true love are the bananananas
PeleStardust: ::laughs:: Yeah, she should stick to the food and leave the poor guys alone.
kottori: yeah most defitnely
PeleStardust: She should find another food fetishist and leave poor Neil alone.
kottori: yeah stick to the bananananas
PeleStardust: What? Why is Neil defending her against the audience??
PeleStardust: Neil must've told the audience to go home. Jerry said, "In fairness, they paid a lot of money for these tickets..." ;) The tickets are free;)
kottori: errr, he's in co-hoots with her
kottori: lmao hahaha
kottori: jerry! jerry! jerry!
PeleStardust: Ewwwwwwww... she took off her dress and she's got meat duct-taped to her... all over her body...
PeleStardust: ::laughs:: She's chasing Todd. Someone save Todd!
kottori: O_O
PeleStardust: Yeah! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
kottori: oh my
PeleStardust: ::laughs hysterically at the blog's tracker:: Someone got here with the search string "I Kissed my Aunt's Feet"... http://google.yahoo.com/bin/query?p=I+Kissed+my+Aunt%27s+Feet&hc=0&hs=0
PeleStardust: Heyyy, someone searched "jerry springer notes"! Rockon! http://search.yahoo.com/bin/search?p=jerry+springer+notes
kottori: errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
kottori: thats a good excuse to get into springer ya know?
PeleStardust: ::gigglers:: Yeah:>
PeleStardust: I wonder if I could get on by telling them I'm the Springer Notes Girl;)
kottori: maybeeeeeeeeee!
kottori: your extra famous!
PeleStardust: They could do a show about the people who maintain Springer sites... show their favourite clips. They did that once with their assistant producers.
kottori: you can write to jerry about it!
PeleStardust: I should! Hmm. I think I will. At the next commercial.
PeleStardust: [---story change, thank god---]
PeleStardust: Genia? Kenia? Some such name.
kottori: yes
PeleStardust: She thinks her bf is sleeping with her best friend.
kottori: i can see she has alot of trust in him ...
PeleStardust: Ah, her name is Kennia.
PeleStardust: ::laughs and quotes Jerry:: "There's no trust on the Springer show!"
kottori: how's that pronounced?
kottori: lol
PeleStardust: Keh-NEE-uh.
PeleStardust: Tyree, the bf.
PeleStardust: Tiffany, the best friend.
PeleStardust: Tyree says he *is* sleeping with Tiffany. Of course.
kottori: she's of color isin't she?
PeleStardust: Yes.
kottori: guessed it
PeleStardust: Ha! Kennia: You wanna be with me? Tyree: Yes. Kennia: I tell you what, if you wanna be with me, get on your knees and BEG!
PeleStardust: He's doing it! Hehehe.
kottori: wait a min! thats not shocking!
PeleStardust: She's making him crawl to her;)
kottori: lmao
kottori: yeeeeees revenge!
PeleStardust: Kennia: I wanna hear you bark like a dog! Tyree: [barks really stupidly] Kennia: [makes a face] Bark! Bark! Tyree: [barks better]
PeleStardust: She's making him pray to God to take him back:p
kottori: lol, that is pathetic
kottori: poor guy
PeleStardust: Richard! Richard's sitting back at his brick thing, he's so so so cool. ::hugs Richard::
PeleStardust: The audience made Tyree lick Kennia's feet;)
PeleStardust: Why would he want her back if she's making him do all that?
kottori: richard ain;t making sounds?
PeleStardust: Ha, now she's not even taking him back.
PeleStardust: No:(
kottori: exactly
kottori: yea! thats what i like to see
PeleStardust: I'd ask Richard to let me make the sounds:)
kottori: (hey, he cheated on her)
kottori: lmao
PeleStardust: Now here's the best friend, Tiffany. She and Kennia are screaming at eachother.
kottori: catfight!
PeleStardust: Tiffany: [to Tyree] You wanna be with me! Tyree: No I don't! Tiffany: You wanna be with me! Tyree: NO I DON'T!
PeleStardust: They didn't fight:( Just yelled.
kottori: i hate it when they get persistant
PeleStardust: There have already been 88 hits to the blog, today. In the past two and a half hours.
kottori: wow!
PeleStardust: ::runs to jerryspringer.com and wonders how she should pitch the story to them::
kottori: 88 hits? i don't get that in a month!
PeleStardust: I wonder how many of the 88 actually stayed and read something...
PeleStardust: Put 'jerry springer' as a search string on your page, it might work;)
kottori: i was one :)
kottori: i was there awhile ago
PeleStardust: ::smikles::
kottori: lol okay
PeleStardust: Thank you:)
PeleStardust: [---story change---]
kottori: ok
PeleStardust: Rene is is sleeping with her brother.
PeleStardust: Audience is not happy...
PeleStardust: Audience: INCEST WHORE INCEST WHORE INCEST WHORE!
kottori: yea right!
kottori: hehehehe. the audience rocks
PeleStardust: Jerry: I suppose you have a good reason for this? Rene: He's always been there for me... Jerry: Well, good! That makes him a good brother, you don't *screw* him!
PeleStardust: Jerry: You're not supposed to sleep with a blood relative! Rene: Well, Jerry, that's your own opinion...
PeleStardust: ::nods:: The audience rocks:)
kottori: jerry is always trying to put some reason into his guests ....
kottori: oh jerry!
PeleStardust: It never works;)
kottori: lol, yea
PeleStardust: Rene's slutty-looking cousin... Raquel, I think Jerry said, is yelling at Rene.
PeleStardust: ::yells at Raquel:: Hey! Kentucky isn't a hot-seat of incest! Ew.
kottori: lmao
kottori: haha
PeleStardust: Well really:p I don't know any people who are sleeping with family members:p
PeleStardust: Here's the brother... I didn't catch his name.
kottori: thats rerally sick to sleep with one's brother
PeleStardust: Jerry: [to the brother] You realize you just ruined your life, by telling the world you're sleeping with your sister?
kottori: he hasn't ruined his life!
kottori: jerry is being a drama-king
PeleStardust: Jerry can be a drama qu--er, king... if he wants;)
PeleStardust: He's Jerry! :)
kottori: jerry is god
PeleStardust: Hehehehe.
PeleStardust: [---story change---]
PeleStardust: Emily has kickass mouse-ear hair.
kottori: whats mouse-ear hair?
PeleStardust: Her hair's styled in two little buns, they look like mouse-ears;)
kottori: ooooooooooooooooh
kottori: i know what you mean
PeleStardust: She's been cheating on her bf and wants to break it off with the other guy.
PeleStardust: Yeah:) I like that hair.
kottori: .... that ain't shocking either ... >_<
PeleStardust: Marc, the bf.
PeleStardust: No:\
PeleStardust: B, the other guy.
kottori: marc ? my bf is named mark !
PeleStardust: ::bursts out laughing:: B and Marc are sleeping together!
kottori: what a disgrace!
PeleStardust: At least your bf isn't silly enough to spell his name with a C;)
kottori: o_O THAT IS SHOCKING
kottori: yes, thank you
PeleStardust: Aww, poor Emily. She can come home with me.
kottori: how did mouse-ear girl took it?
kottori: awwww
PeleStardust: She's shocked;)
kottori: thats a shocker
PeleStardust: Audience: THREE WHORES THREE WHORES THREE WHORES!
kottori: lmao
PeleStardust: ::peers at what she's trying to write to send to the Springer fanmail thing:: Okay, how's this sound?

Jerry Springer Show People--

I maintain the Jerry Springer Show Notes [http:jerryspringer.blogspot.com].

I have an idea for a show--a clip show, like the Steve's Corner episode of the assistant producers' favourite clips...

You should do that with people who maintain major fan sites! It'd be lots of fun.

Coco Lennon
PeleStardust: Er, "http://"
kottori: thats sounds nice, short and straight to the point
PeleStardust: Thanks:) Okee, I'll send it.
PeleStardust: [---Q&A---]
kottori: cool
PeleStardust: ::rolls her eyes at Taralisa:: Oh, sit *down.*
kottori: lol, she's still around?
PeleStardust: Dave's holding one of her steaks;p
PeleStardust: Yeah, for the question & answer.
kottori: lol
PeleStardust: Audience woman: Thank god for Prozac.
PeleStardust: Taralisa says she's an artist:p
kottori: having sex with food on tv should be made ilegal or something
kottori: eeeeeeeeeeeeh?
PeleStardust: Taralisa: I've studied psychology, I know about Sigmund Freud! Jerry: Yeah, he was on our show Thursday!
PeleStardust: She's throwing her meat into the audience:p
PeleStardust: Yeah, it should. Ew.
kottori: lmao
kottori: ewwww, poor audience people!
PeleStardust: Jerry: [points at a piece of meat on the floor] One of your sex toys is here...
kottori: hahahaha
kottori: jerry! jerry! jerry!
PeleStardust: Audience woman: [to Taralisa] If you throw any more meat out here, I'm gonna come up there and tenderize you.

::laughs hysterically::
PeleStardust: Audience: SIT DOWN WHORE SIT DOWN WHORE SIT DOWN WHORE! Taralisa: NO, I'M A BITCH, THAT'S WHAT I AM!
kottori: hehehehe! that just proves once again, the audience rocks
PeleStardust: ::grins:: The audience is very cool.
kottori: shes not a whore or a btich, she's a freak!
PeleStardust: She's a food slut! Heheheh.
PeleStardust: A food freak slut!
kottori: hahaha! she gives me the creeps
PeleStardust: Me too.
PeleStardust: I wonder why the blog gets the most hits on Tuesday.
PeleStardust: [---Final Thought---]
kottori: tuesday?
kottori: hmmm
PeleStardust: On Tuesdays, rather. Plural Tuesdays.
PeleStardust: Jerry: None of us are exactly the same in front of everybody.
PeleStardust: "Till next time, take care of yourself... aand eachother."
PeleStardust: [---Dave walking down hall with Taralisa---]
kottori: yey!
kottori: poor dave
PeleStardust: He was hitting on her;p
kottori: oh my
PeleStardust: Thus ends tonight's notes. Hehe.

2001-12-28T05:03:00.000-05:00

Ah! Merry Christmas! Late Christmas.

My feet are really cold. I know none of you care, but it's my blog and I feel like mentioning it. Hehe.

---------

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"I Stole My Daughter's Man"

((Me: "I stole my daughter's man." Lyn, my mom: Congradulations.))

::boggles:: Jerry just told the whole story--this woman is sleeping with her 16 year old daughter's 29 year old bf, and she's done this three times before. And he's sleeping with *another* family member.

His name is Shakawn?

Really bad quality SpringerCam... could this be a rather old episode?

SpringerCam, Her: You know you got sauce on your hands, lemme get it off... Shakawn: [annoyed] No, that's okay...

Daphne, her.

Audience: WHORE! Daphne: Slut!
((Ah! Finally. Yes--a whore gets paid, a slut doesn't.))

Jerry's hiding in the audience because Daphne's running around naked.

Audience: KISS STEVE'S HEAD!
((Lyn: Give Steve head?! Me: [eyes go wide] *Kiss Steve's head.* Lyn: Oh! [puts face in hands]))

"CamMate", says the big thing the overhead camera is on.

There's a can opener being advertised between segments. A Three Stooges can opener. It talks. Lyn looked at me with this look that Scully gives Mulder. That unbelieving look. I giggled and said, "I love people."

Daphne: [flashes the audience] Jerry: Yeah, alright, we've seen them, we've seen them.

Wendy, the daughter.

Daphne: I got it, she don't! Jerry: Well stop it! This is your daughter!

Oh. He's called Jakwan.

Jakwan says he was drunk when he slept with Daphne.

He says he was drunk. And he was bored.

Jakwan is also sleeping with Debra, Daphne's twin sister.

Audience: TWIN WHORES TWIN WHORES TWIN WHORES!

Aww. Jerry: [to Wendy] You gotta get outta this family.

Jerry: I gotta be honest with you, the only person I'm caring about right now is the daughter.

[---story change---]

Someone whose name I didn't catch because my dogs were barking is bisexual and the audience loves her.

Ah, she is Jenna.

Jenna looks like a cross between Helena Bonham-Carter and... either Jodie Foster or Jennifer Jason Leigh.

Her husband is a Springer fan, so he knows something's up.

Chris, him.

Here's the gf. Jenna took off her shirt, the gf's shirt.

Chris: [to the gf] What's up, huh, you gonna lick your way into heaven?
((What?!))

Well... well that was short...

[---Q&A---]

Audience guy: This is to the two ton twins... when did they start selling laundry at Moo & Oink?

An audience woman says Daphne is a disgrace "to all motherhoods everywhere."

[---Final Thought---]

"Till next time, take care of yourselves, and eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with twins, one on each arm---]

2001-12-21T02:39:00.000-05:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"A Man and His Food: A Love Story" I've seen this one.

2001-12-20T05:07:00.000-05:00

I've added a poll--you'll find it being rather obnoxiously obvious under the links.

Maybe if people answer the poll, I'll make new polls every once in a while...

2001-12-20T03:41:00.000-05:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Desiree has some shocking news for the father of her baby.

Ha, she's pregnant by a transsexual...

Ah, the name of the episode is "Pregnant by a Transsexual"...

Tony, the bf.

"It's not yours. Get over it!" Desiree:p

Marcy, the transsexual. She's going after Steve;)

Desiree says Marcy is nothing and not important and doesn't know who she is. Meh:(

Tony: You should just cut it off and sell it to women! Jerry: [runs out from the back of the stage, toward the audience] WAIT! That's a *great* idea for a show!!

Audience women in a Springer Security shirt is yelling at Desiree. Desiree: Come up on this stage! Richard: [fighting bell noise]

[---story change---]

Jerry: Faith says her baby is her money-maker.

Faith strips.

She's stripping onstage, to the "You're halfway to hell..." song;)

James, the boyfriend. He looks so insanely angry.

James: YOU'RE STUPID! [to audience] DOESN'T SHE LOOK STUPID DOIN' THIS STUFF?! Audience: STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID!

::laughs hysterically:: Now James is stripping to the music, saying he'd strip if Faith would stop. Jerry's laughing...

[---story change---]

Jerry: Sally says she's not giving up her lifestyle just because she's pregnant.

She says she's not gonna stop drinking.

She's wearing a lot of glitter on her face.

Shawn, the bf.

She's cheating on Shawn with her step mom... ::blinkblink::

Audience: THREESOME WITH JIMMY THREESOME WITH JIMMY! Sally & the step mom: [sit on Jimmy, hug him, kiss him] Jimmy: [starts gagging and coughing, the way he does when he's gonna be sick] Audience: JIMMY JIMMY JIMMY!
((Poor Jimmy...))

He went backstage and got sick... poor Jimmy, how does he deal with being a cop?

[---story change---]

Jerry: Al says he's fed up with his girlfriend's lies.

Marie, the gf.

Marie: I'm three months pregnant. Al: [smiles] That's... good. [frowns] But this ain't Oprah...

Marie's been whoring for the past six months, she doesn't know if Al is the father, or 200 other people.

Jerry: Do you love him enough to stop doing what you're doing? Marie: Yes I do. Jerry: [starts to speak; stops, surprised] Oh, you do...

Al: What if it is my kid?! It's head's gonna come out lookin' like a golf ball! Jerry: [sorta giggles] Like a *golfball?* We'll back... [signals for break]

[---Q&A---]

Marcy says she's a professional hairstylist and make-up artist. Someone in the audience yelled 'YOU'RE FIRED!':>

Audience guy: [to Marie] My friend's birthday is comin' up and he wants to know if he can knock some more dents in your kid's head for free.

[---Final Thought---]

"Take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Jimmy walking down hall with Sally---]

He's carrying his bucket and sounding rather sick.

Poor Jimmy.

2001-12-18T04:10:00.000-05:00

While waiting for blogger to stop telling me that publishing is temporarily unavailable, I read Notes from the Asylum. I was sufficiently frightened by the nightmare about the subway and total destruction, but I am more than awed by the description of the cinema. I can't believe there's a cinema today that would play Nosferatu *with the score by a live band.* I am... I am in total awe. I am reminded how much I dislike the town in which I live, but I am uplifted by the thought that some day, I will find such a cinema and I will give it all my money.

------

I played with the Blood Alcohol Calculator during the commercials.

This site now has 12324 hits--wow:) Hey, I'd like to see it when it says 12345... if anyone sees it and gets a screenshot, please sent it to mistacat@london.com, please.

Someone found this blog through a Netscape search for duffle bags:p

---------

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Jerry's Family Hour II"

((I also have notes for the Family Hour I.))

Jerry: It's time for deceit, trickery, and lies on Jerry's Family Hour! Audience: JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY! Jerry: How can you not love this country?

Marie is extremely close to her daughter.

Eww, she's here to tell her bf she's sleeping with her own daughter.

Jerry: I asked, what're you doin? You said "I'm sleeping with my daughter" and then you took your clothes off. What has that got to do...? Marie: Oh, I can't help it. Jerry: [very long pause] You can't help taking your clothes off or you can't help sleeping with your daughter?

Jerry: It's your daughter... when your daughter was born did you go 'whoaa, whatta babe!'?

Marie: [to her bf] I don't care about money, I just want love, and you're not givin' it to me! She is! Jerry: Thank god you don't have a dog... Audience: [barks insanely] Marie: Oh, shut up!

The bf: What kind of bad mother are you??

The bf: You're whoring out to your daughter, now?! Marie: Oh, whores charge for it, I give it away for free! Audience: GIVE IT TO JERRY GIVE IT TO JERRY GIVE IT TO JERRY! Marie: You all need to shut up!!

Missy, the daughter.

Marie: [to the screaming audience] You all need to shut up! Jerry: [to Marie] In fairness, these people paid a lot of money to be here.
((And no one contradicted him, heh...))

Jerry: [sits down] Talk to eachother. Marie & Missy: I love you. [start kissing and hugging] Jerry: Not that!!

The bf: You know what?! You're not the boss o' me anymore!
((What?? Is he five years old?))

[---story change---]

Anita is sleeping with her son-in-law.

Anita: I'm tired of keeping it a secret. Jerry: Aren't you worried this is gonna hurt your daughter? Anita: No. Jerry: Don't you love your daughter? Anita: No. Jerry: [pause] You don't love your daughter? Anita: No. Cos she's a *bitch.*

Jerry: What did you do wrong in raising her that made her a bitch? Anita: I didn't do anything wrong in raising her! Some kids just turn out wrong.
((::blinkblink::))

Jerry's wearing kickass shoes:)

Brenda, the daughter.

They need to clean one of the stage cameras--it's reflecting the lights more than it should be...

James, the son-in-law.

Anita: [yelling at the audience] Jerry: [ignoring her, talking to Brenda] You're--you're done with him? Okay, we're outta here. [signals for break]

[---story change---]

Sabrina is four months pregnant with twins, and just found out her cousin is pregnant by her bf.

She's sobbing.

Rhonda, the cousin.

Rhonda says she didn't know Rick was with Sabrina.

There's a woman in the audience wearing a red muscle shirt with silver lips printed on it--I have one just like it, given to me by a friend for my last birthday... heh. She has the bright red wildly frizzy hair I'd like to have, too.

Rhonda keeps saying "I'm 33, she 26." I think this is the real problem here. Rhonda's jealous of the age thing.

Rick says he didn't know Rhonda was Sabrina's cousin.

Rhonda: I got his baby in my stomach!
((::wince:: Did she eat it? Eww. Even Dr. Lecter leaves children alone.))

[---Q&A---]

The one with the shirt just flashed Marie;> The girl she's with has the same hair and a labret barbell...

An audience girl kissed Marie's ex-bf:) Now she's hugging Jerry. Her name is either Carrie or Terri, she didn't say it very clearly. Jerry: We'll be back with [her name]!

[---Final Thought---]

::laughs:: The camera guy zoomed in too far and cut off the top of Jerry's head, then there was a jerk as the camera was moved to include his whole head...

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Marie---]

Steve's all for the girl-girl thing, but not mother and daughter.

2001-12-14T03:02:00.000-05:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Twisted Tales"

Mark is sleeping with his daughter's boyfriend.

The daughter: What the hell?! What the hell, dad, that's my boyfriend?!!

Audience: YOU SUCK YOU SUCK YOU SUCK! Mark: Innat the point??

Daughter: Why would you do that?? Mark: That's the way it is. Jerry: Nah... not really... very few dads would do that to their daughter...

Shannon, the daughter.

Chris, the bf.

Chris: It was a mistake! Shannon: It was a mistake?! It was a mistake?! What, did you *accidentally* sleep with him?!

Chris keeps saying he was curious. Jerry: Let's say you were curious... what didn't you find out the first time that you had to go back the second...? Audience: JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY!

[---story change---]

Bruce is developing a taste for younger women.

He's sleeping with the friend of his girlfriend's daughter.

Bruce: There's only three people since I've grown pubic hair who have seen me cry. Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Bruce: Ohh, you cry, yeah! I don't! It's the way I was raised, whaddya expect? Richard: [sound; crybaby sound]

Tamera, the gf, is not happy.

Jessica, the new girl.

Jessica looks a bit like Soleil Moon Frye...

::laughs hysterically:: The audience got Jessica to shot them her tits... so Jerry showed them his;> They all cheered and stood up.

[After much, much indecipherable screaming from Tamera and Jessica.] Jerry: Okay... what is this story about? Oh, yeah...

Jessica threw her dress into the audience.

[---story change---]

Billy is gay, and he's here to tell his gf that.

What the hell? I leave the room to get Lenny (one of my cats) out of the trash, I walk back in, and the audience is chanting 'OSAMA BIN LADEN OSAMA BIN LADEN'... *Why?*

Now they're chanting USA USA USA...

::gigglers:: Jerry: So a year ago, you find out you're gay... what, did someone mail you something?

Dakota, the gf. She refuses to believe it.

Audience: SIT DOWN SIT DOWN! Billy: GO BACK HOME GO BACK HOME! Audience: SIT DOWN SIT DOWN! Billy: GO BACK HOME GO BACK HOME GO BACK HOME!

Shawn, Billy's bf.

Billy's trying to touch Steve, Steve isn't letting him;)

Dakota: [to Shawn] Who you s'posta be, huh? You sposta be Cletus or something??
((::laughs hysterically:: He *does* look like a Cletus.))

::laughs:: Richard started playing the song, and lots of audience people got onstage to squaredance...

[---story change---]

Julie is a lesbians. The audience loves her.

She's here to tell her gf's bf to back off.

David, the gf's bf.

::blinkblink:: David's wearing makeip.

Selina, the gf.

Well, that was boring.

[---Q&A---]

Audience women flashed the audience. Jerry went on to another audience woman and said, "Okay, top that!";)

[---Final Thought---]

"It does not matter."

"Till next time, take care of yourselves... aaand eachother."

[---Todd walking down hall with Mark---]

::laughs:: Todd: We got some cute guys working on the show--the security guys-- Mark: Jerry's alright...

2001-12-13T03:01:00.000-05:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Jerry: Imagine this... your life has become suddenly more interesting... you realize your every waking moment has become a Jerry Springer Show! You pass a sign-post up ahead, it reads... You have now entered Bizarro World!

"Bizarro!"

This woman is sleeping with her son.

Sherry, her.

Audience: MAMA WHORE MAMA WHORE MAMA WHORE!

Jerry: Thank god you didn't have twins...

Nora, an audience woman. She seems to be protecting Jerry. Jerry: I want you to meet my new security--Nora! Shave your head and you've got a job.

SpringerCam, Sherry's giving her adult son a bath...

SpringerCam, the son: Mama? Would you touch me the way you did Daddy?
((Ewww.)

Jerry: ...for the last few months, she's been having sex with her son. Audience: EEEEEWWWWWWW!!!!!!! Sherry: [rolls her eyes]

Chuck, the son.

Jerry: [long pause; to Chuck] What's wrong with you?

Richard: [at Sherry; moooo sound effect]

Chuck's sister is so very unhappy.

Ohh... this is the one with the dirty guy, where Jimmy gets sick.

Whoa. Some woman is praying over Chuck and Sherry... "Forgive them Lord, for they know not what they do."

Meh, I know I've seen this episode, but I can't find it in the archives.

[---story change---]

Steve went to Misty's ex-bf's house to try to get him to clean himself up.

The ex-bf hasn't taken a bath in six months.

SpringerCam, he's disgusting. I would prefer not to watch this segment. I could deal with it if he was dead, but to think he's *living* like that... gross.

SpringerCam, Steve's starting to gag.

SpringerCam, Yogi, the ex. Steve's trying to get him to play basketball, but he just sat down.

Hmm... maybe I only saw part of this episode, some day at 1pm...

Yogi's trying to get audience people to hug him. Random audience members: SOO-EE SOO-EE SOO-EE!

There's a tub onstage, Yogi's getting in it. Steve, Dave, Jimmy, and another security guy whose name I don't know are soaping him and cleaning him with those car mops on poles. Jimmy's trying not to, though, because he's getting sick.

Jerry: Yogi? Can ya stand up? Yogi: I can try. [Dave and Steve hold the tub down while Yogi stands up]

Jerry: Well, to quote Yogi, it ain't over till it's over, but this is over.

Misty is going to take Yogi back.

[---Q&A---]

Audience guy: This is for Yogi... if you couldn't find energy to bathe or brush your teeth, how'd you find energy to eat all that food? Audience: WE LOVE YOGI WE LOVE YOGI WE LOVE YOGI!

Four audience girls for Todd...

[---Final Thought---]

"If you give me twenty minutes with anybody in America, I'd find something in their lives, or the lives of their families, that would make an interesting talk show."

"What I still don't have an answer to is, why do these people go on national television to air their dirty laundry?"

"Take care of yourself, aand eachother."

Whoa... promo thingy. "Looking to intern with Jerry? http://www.ecampusrecruiter.com/"

[---Steve talking to some pigs, pretending to mistake one for Yogi---]

2001-12-09T02:40:00.000-05:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Unusual Love Affairs"

Jerry: Stephanie says she finally found a man who fits right in with her family.

She's sleeping with her nephew.

Jerry: So are you going to one day sleep with your kid? Stephanie: No. Jerry: Well, why not? Stephanie: Because that would be morally wrong.

Randy, Stephanie's bf. Not the nephew.

David, the nephew.

::boggles:: Randy's asking Stephanie to marry him. Even though she cheated on him with *her nephew.*

She rejected Randy, so David's asking her to marry *him*:p

Randy: My family ain't even involved yet, and you *will* be seeing more of me.
((Is he with the mafia or something? Well, it is Chicago. The first thing I overheard when I got to Chicago (just long enough to go from the train station to a pizza place, not even overnight, so I didn't get to go to Springer ::looks sad::) was, "John Geezer? He was beat up outside the [something I didn't catch] Theater."))

[---story change---]

William's gf of 11 years has been running around with a 17 year old boy.

I've seen this episode before, so I think I'll just listen to Jerry in the background and read Morbid Fact Du Jour and The Awful German Language and try to find out what egg tofu is.

2001-12-08T04:06:00.000-05:00

Something's wrong with my email, so my current email address is mistacat@london.com.

A bloopers show earlier had a blooper from early Springer--before this incarnation of the stage. A guy was moving his chair around and managed to fall off the back of the then-stage;)

---------

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Wedding Wars"

Jerry: Angie's simple church wedding when our cameras showed up.

She decided she can't talk about it, and walked off stage.

SpringerCam, at the church. A guy burst in and said the bride is sleeping with her sister.

SpringerCam, the groom is wearing sunglasses. On his head.

SpringerCam, their father: Girls? Is this true? Them: Yes, sir, it is. Him: You will go to hell for that, girls!

Adam, the guy who burst into the wedding.

Rev what's his face is in the audience.

Adam is the sister's gf.

Audience & Adam: INCEST WHORE INCEST WHORE INCEST WHORE! Jerry: Not on our show!

Jacklyn, the sister. She told Adam so that he would break up the wedding, so Angie wouldn't marry the guy.

Angie: Our relationship is TERMINATED!

Angie's ex is screaming so loud he's starting to sound like Courtney Cox.

Him: YOUR OWN SISTER! YOUR *YOUNGER* SISTER!
((Umm... would it make any difference if she was her older sister?))

::blinks:: Angie said "dagblamed"...

Jerry: [to the audience; mocking the guests' accents] Y'all jes' pipe down!

Adam: [to Angie] I can smell it!
(("I see. I myself cannot." Cool points if you get the reference.))

[---story change---]

Joe says he's torn between two brides.

Joe: I've been trying to get Miranda, my girlfriend, to marry me for a year now, and she kept puttin' me off, puttin' me off... so I found myself someone else to marry. Jerry: And you had to get married... the year was almost up...

Mary, the new gf. The way they weren't saying "she" at all, I figured it would be a guy...

Miranda: Whore! Jerry: [about Mary] She can't be a whore, she's dressed in white!

Rev Brooks.

Food fight:p

Jerry: If you've just joined us, we're in the middle of what appears to be a wedding ceremony...

Whoa. Suddenly a woman is onstage, telling Joe that she is Linda and she is Mary's lover.

Mary: I love him! Linda: You told me you love me!! Joe: YOU LOVE ME?? SO WHEN THE HELL WAS YOU GONNA TELL ME ABOUT THIS?!

Linda looks like a cross between Melissa Etheridge and whoever plays Margo Hughes on As the World Turns. In the face.

Food fight again. Dave got hit in the face with a pie plate, he got the coolest angry look on his face.

One of the stage cameras has food on it...

[---Q&A---]

They're playing the hotter than hell song, and Jerry's singing along;)

Irish audience guy. Wearing a bright orange 5.

Audience woman with an accent *almost* as thick as the ones in Fargo. Richard made the boing sound at her.

Audience woman: [to Angie] You been sleepin' witchyer sister, and thass how long it's gonna take you to burn in hell, you bitch slut!

[---Final Thought---]

The overhead camera thing is wearing a wedding veil;)

"Till next time, take care of yourself, and eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Angie---]

Angie says she'll never sleep with her sister anymore.

Steve doesn't understand how it even gets to the point where siblings sleep together.

Steve: I'm all for it, two women can be together, y'know, I'm all for it...

2001-12-06T03:12:00.000-05:00

Any dieners or funeral home assistants out there? I need some info on what training you had before you got the job, and how you got the job, and such. And some general advice:) My ultimate goal is to be a diener, to support myself while I try to make it as the next Andy Warhol.

---------

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Steve to the Rescue III", ooooooo, this'll be great:)

Mary's daughter is 7 1/2 months pregnant and is prostituting herself.

SpringerCam, Mary's wearing a type of very large hair clip that's kinda hard to find (I broke my first one and spent a lot of time looking for more; ended up buying three, in case the next one broke too...)

SpringerCam, the daughter: I AM A WHORE! SAY IT! I AM A WHORE! Mary: [sobbing] I won't! I don't care!

SpringerCam, Steve: Jodie, get outta there. [gets the daughter out of a truck, and starts yelling at the john]

SpringerCam, now he's lecturing the daughter... she wants the $50.

SpringerCam, Steve: You're goin' back to Chicago, and you're gonna talk to Jerry and your mom, and you got no choice, you're goin' even if I have to *drag* your ass there!

Jodie, the daughter. Well, obviously.

Jerry got Jodie to say she'd stop until the baby is born.

[---story change---]

Mike says his relationship is bugging him.

Jerry: Well, why don't you have a job? Mike: I'm unemployed. Jerry: I--I know that. Audience: [laughs] Jerry: I've noticed that, most people who are out of a job are unemployed.

SpringerCam, I won't even describe the fridge his gf is making eat out of. My mother an I have cleaned wayyy too many of them when people move out of our trailers.

SpringerCam, she's making him pour soup on his head and rub it in his face.

SpringerCam, she's making him eat cockroaches in his soap. Live ones.

Jerry: Why... would you stay with... Mike: Where else would I go?

They sent Dave instead of Steve.

::laughs hysterically:: Promo. Dave: [starts to speak] Her: Bark like a dog! Dave: Woof, now listen--

The gf: They didn't send Steve down? Dave: No... Steve's a little busy savin' the world right now...

Her: Yer no Steve! On yer knees, bitch!

She put Dave and Mike in a shed...

Jerry: Dave? Dave: Yes, Jerry? Jerry: I know Steve. Steve's a friend of mine. You're no Steve.

Jerry: Have you ever treated a man nicely? Her: No. Jerry: Do you mind if I stay for the rest of the show? Her: [long pause] It's your show.

[---Q&A---]

An audience guy asked Jerry to give his mother, who always watches the soap operas, a hug, so Jerry did. It was very cute:)

Audience guy: This for the 18 wheeler slut--since you makin' all that money for clothes, where your shoes at?

::laughs:: An audience woman made Dave her bitch;) He kissed her feet. Steve is in hysterics.

[---Final Thought---]

"Take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Dave and the bitch bug woman walking down the hall---]

He's still being her bitch. She wants him to do her dishes.

2001-12-02T03:44:00.000-05:00

I suddenly realized that despite my guestbook service not emailing me, people must be signing the gbook. So I checked, and found this entry:

"10/20/01 1:16:50 AM
Name: : Dresden VonClare
E-mail: : Dresden00@aol.com
How did you find this site? : Google search
Your comment: : I can't believe there are no web sites with CoCo Lennon's picture on it."

I'm flattered that someone must have done a websearch for pictures of me... you can find plenty of pictures of me by looking around my personal website, if you want. The most recent photo is here.

I haven't heard back from Sunshine--rather disappointed about that.

Big thanks goes out to Jennifer, the first person to sign my guestbook, who signed it again on 10/25:)

I am *so* jealous of the person who signed the guestbook saying that Jerry is in Rocky Horror on B'way... so very jealous. What's Jerry doing? Someone could start a thread on the message board about it, if they like, hint hint.

Responding to the person who commented "In my views of watching the show i think some of it realy un real. where does he come up with these unstable and sick people" in the gbook--Jerry doesn't find them. And such people do exist. I'll tell about the residents of the trailer park my parents own, if you like.

This is from the message board:

"My aunt was on Jerry a few years back
Posted by Becky arnold on 11/1/2001, 3:35 pm
208.54.199.251

I am the niece of the lady who was on Jerry Springer sometime in the 90's. I never got to meet the Aunt because i was not raised around my father. Having just met my father I was wanting to see what my aunt was like. I believe the show was called the Fatest Woman in America. She was a very large woman who had to be cut out of her house. If any one has a tape of this show or the follow-up with her daughter and sister-in -law (dad's wife} I would be interested in buying a copy. I can't remember my aunt's name but my dad's wife's name is Pam. You can contact me by emailing me at krazycatladee@yahoo.com. Thank You. My family would really appericate it.

my Aunt was on Jerry
Posted by Becky Arnold on 11/5/2001, 10:51 pm
216.40.160.207

Ok, My aunt's name was Carol Yager. Her and her daughter were on the show. The show has been re-aired several times. I would still like a copy of the show. If there is anybody with a copy I will be willing to pay for a copy. thank you."

I hope someone can help Becky out!

I now have 10,341 hits, getting around 1,050 hits a week! Very, very cool. Thanks to everybody:):)

dreamwalk links to here, in case I haven't said before...

Search strings leading here:

"jerry springer hidden camera"

"listen to live police scanners"

"shelly long"

"suck sperm"

"sandra whore"

"take notes in american highschool"

Something I find particularly funny is that this blog has 19 hits originating at .gov (US government)...

The two from .ru (Russian Federation) amuse me, too.

It's four hours into December 2, and I've already had 250 hits for this month. Heheh.

My neck hurts and I'm hungry and sleepy, goodnight.

2001-12-02T03:29:00.000-05:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

A guy. "Got our own trailer goin' on." ::blinkblink::

He's been cheating on his gf, whose name is, apparently, Rachael.

Him: Knock on the door, it was Rachael and the Jerry Springer Camera... Jerry: If you think about it, that's not a very happy circumstance.

Bah, I've seen this one... his wife didn't come on the show, so there isn't really much of a segment.

Ohhh, it's the one with the argument about Viagra and the cat...

::gigglers at Jerry:: "That's usually where I stand, so I don't get hurt..." Way up in the back row of the audience.

Audience guy: [really, really loud] YOU SUCK! Freaky wife woman who hit Steve: Yeah! What he said!

http://www.cosmiverse.com/paranormal11160103.html -- not Springer news, but I read it instead of paying much attention to the Q&A. Don't read it if can't handle Lecteresque thoughts.

2001-11-27T03:05:00.000-05:00

If these notes are unenthusiastic, it's because I'm surprisingly tired. I've been dreaming too much lately. When I dream too much, I feel like I haven't slept at all. I'm sure it doesn't help that all the dreams for the past three days have involved Hannibal Lecter. Not nightmares, though. He could never give me nightmares. Purr.

---------

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Ooo, Jerry in all black.

"Gay for a Day"

Dana has wild hair.

She wants to know why she's here.

Zeke, her bf, is now gay.

Billy, Zeke's new bf.

Dana: He's never been eying guys around me!

Dana: I guess I must've been in the closet too long... Billy: Then you should get yourself a woman, honey.

VO promo guy: It's one messed up show!
((Hehehehe...))

[---story change---]

Shane is here to find out a secret from his ex-gf.

Erin, the ex.

She's sleeping with Shane's current gf:>

Paula, the current gf.

Aww... Shane is crying.

He has kids with both of them. What a weird family--the kids all have the same father, so they're half siblings, and their mothers are together, so they're also sort of... step siblings...

Shane: [to Erin] YYyyou! You! I just cannot believe *you!* You got some.serious.mental.problems!

[---story change---]

Lacey says there's something fishy about her bf.

SpringerCam, Lacey's bf says she turned him gay.

Jerry: So when the sex stopped, did you think maybe he was gay? Lacey: No! Jerry: You thought it was another woman. Lacey: Well yeah! Audience: [giggles; someone says "Duh!"] Jerry: [looks round for the person] Duuuuh.

Jerry: Lacey ... seems unwilling to accept the fact that he's gay-- Lacey: He's not. He's not. It's a phase. Jerry: Well, you saw the tape. That looked pretty gay to me.

Joe, the new bf.

Joe has a bf. "It was only for the money, though."

Joe's bf says it's just a phase, too:p

Lacey's bf just offered Lacey to Joe's bf...

[---story change---]

Mo is gay.

His bf is on hormones, so he's having moodswings. So Mo slept with a real woman.

Trishawn, the transexual bf. She's gooood.

Trishawn says she would have gotten him a real woman if he'd told her. She would have "hooked it up". Audience: HOOK JERRY UP HOOK JERRY UP!

The other woman is angry. Her: I'm straight! I'm straight! What am I doin' with a gay man??
((Um, dear. He's a man. You're still straight.))

Jerry: You didn't know he's gay? Her: I'm straight! I'm straight! What am I gonna do widda gay man?? Jerry: I... I dunno... [walks away]

[---Q&A---]

Dana was encouraged, by the audience, including one of the security guys--Dave, I think--to take off her clothes. She flashed them. Richard has now turned music on so she can dance;p

All the gay guys have now risen from their seets to join the dancing;)

[---Final Thought---]

VO promo guy: We don't have any Emmy Awards. We don't get any critical acclaim. But we get aaaalll the girls!

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Dana---]

2001-11-22T03:04:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving, all! Well, all who celebrate it, anyway.

::bounces away to program her VCR to record 12 hours of CourtTV's Thanksgiving Day Homicide Marathon. I'm getting up sometime between 8:30-9am, to catch the first episode before going to my gramma's. Ha. I usually wake up sometime between 11am-3pm...

---------

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Why is Jerry never sitting in the red JERRY chair backstage?

"Coldhearted Lovers"

Nikki's husband won't let her come to his house, where he's living with his mistress.

SpringerCam, Nikki's standing outside the house with a megaphone shouting "Billy! Billy! Come outta there!"

SpringerCam, Nikki: MY HUSBAND LIVES WITH A WHORE [over and over]

The audience is chanting it, too;)

SpringerCam, Nikki's drawn and audience and has them chanting "WHORE WHORE WHORE!"

SpringerCam, the crowd chanted 'JERRY JERRY JERRY' then went back to WHORE WHORE WHORE, with a car horn honking with them. Heheh.

SpringerCam, a drunk guy is trying to tell Nikki to be happy and not bother with this guy any more.

SpringerCam, drunk guy: [into megaphone] BILLY! BRING YOUR WHORE OUT HERE! YOU BASTARD! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

SpringerCam, Nikki is reading the National Enquirer, with something about Oprah on the front...

Helen, the mistress.

Nikki is being evil and lunging at Steve. Audience: STEVE STEVE STEVE!

Whoa, I think they knocked Steve down... Audience: TAKE IT EASY STEVE TAKE IT EASY STEVE!

Jerry: Watch this. [to Jimmy] Why don't you take his place? [makes Steve sit down] Todd, get him some cocoa.

Audience: YOU'RE A WHORE YOU'RE A WHORE YOU'RE A WHORE! Jerry: Hey, who are you talking to? I'm just askin' questions-- Audience: JERRY'S A WHORE JERRY'S A WHORE JERRY'S A WHORE! Jerry: My mother would be very proud...

Richard: [hands Jerry a mug] Jerry: Hold on, lemme get this... this is for Steve. [carries it to Steve]

Steve's got makeup on his shoulder. The guests shouldn't wear so much makeup... it rubs off on the security guys so often...

Steve is now covered by a blanket, and surrounded by hot girls. Heh.

Jerry: Y'okay? Steve: [grins wildly] I'm doin' great, now.

Billy may be shorter than *me.* (my id says 5') Audience: MIDGET MIDGET MIDGET!

Billy must've called Jerry 'Steve', cos Jerry just handed the show over to Steve and sat down with the chicks and the blanket and the cocoa.

Steve: Now, really, what're you doin' here? You're married to this woman, you're livin' with this one. Billy: I'm tryin' to get along-- Jerry: [stands up] YOU'RE A HO!! [Jimmy escorts Jerry out of the studio] Steve: Get that troublemaker outta here!

Steve: [as Jimmy and Al break up a fight] This is easy! When y'don't have to break up the fights...

Jerry's sitting backstage with two girls who are feeding him bottled water.

Steve: In all honesty, this is your wife, why would you cheat on her? Billy: *Because.*
((Is that a reason?))

Steve: We'll be back! [signals for break]

[---story change---]

Aww, Steve's back at his post:(

Greg wants his ex-fiance back.

The ex's new bf is a truck driver.

Audience guy: KEEP ON TRUCKIN'!!! Audience: KEEP ON TRUCKIN' KEEP ON TRUCKIN' KEEP ON TRUCKIN'!

Tara, the ex.

Rick, the truck driver.

Whoaaa, Greg got past Steve, jumped over a chair, and went for Rick. Steve still caught him;)

[---story change---]

Jerry: Sharon says her sister let her move in four months ago and now she's moving in on her sister's boyfriend.

Yolanda, the sister.

Yolanda very calmly sat back, then stood up and went toward Sharon when Sharon said she was sleeping with Yolanda's bf...

Yolanda went just outside the stage to lean her head against the brick for a moment.

Yolanda is screaming at Jerry! Jerry fumbled his card and ran into the audience... Jerry: [giggling, to an audience person] You got my back, okay? I'm not meant for this...

Jerry: Okay, here he is, here's Jizzy. ((Me: [pause] Here's who?))

Jerry: I tell ya, our security're droppin' like flies! Richard: [grins at him and picks up his red phone, speaks into it; I wish he had a mic...]

[---Q&A---]

Audience guy: What I don't understand is, why are we calling all these women whores? I mean, even whores have class!
((Er, what?))

[---Final Thought---]

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Steve sitting backstage with Jimmy and Al---]

Steve: I'm goin' home and soakin' in the jacuzzi for hours. Al: Can we come, too? [they all complain about how taxing security is] Todd: [bounces in happily and jumps up and down] Hey, guys! Wasn't it great?? Steve: [glares up at him] Oh, yeah. It was great. [he and Al and Jimmy leap on him and knock him down] How's that for great, huh??

2001-11-21T03:05:00.000-05:00

Two postings, today; the first is one I didn't get to post because my laptop freaked out when I tried, and the second one is tonight's.

---------

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Springer's Leftovers"

"Have you ever wondered how we fit so much garbage into one hour? Well... we don't." Jerry.

These are the leftover stories...:p

This woman is cheating with her bf's little sister.

Nate, the bf.

Nate is not pleased. And he's wearing a stupid shirt.

Courtney, the sister.

Nate: She's not just a lesbian, she's a ho! Jerry: Well... you can't get on our show if you're just a lesbian...

[---story change---]

Jerry: Have you ever wondered how a lesbian gets pregnant? Audience: YYYYYYEAAAAAAAAHHHHH! Jerry: The wame way a heterosexual woman can! I was just told that, I don't know...

Amadana is cheating on her bf with a woman.

Audience: WE LOVE LESBIANS WE LOVE LESBIANS! Amadana: So do I, heheh. Jerry: Is this a real woman or the blow up kind?

Tina, the other woman.

What... Amadana is wearing the same dress that the woman, Nate's and Courtney's gf, was wearing...

[---story change---]

Joe is here to learn a sexy secret from his gf.

Mandy, the gf.

Tiffany and Mandy are going to get married.

Whoa. Jimmy: [pointing his finger in Joe's face] *Don't use the F word.* [points at Tiffany] F-word!

[---story change---]

Rick, very very fat, is whoring himself to similiarly built women.

He's taking his clothes off...

Rick's gf doesn't know. Jerry: Do you think that's fair? Rick: Yeah. I do think it's fair.

Terri, the gf.

Terri is unhappy.

One of Rick's clients says he makes her feel loved.

Terri: ...cows! Jerry: [quite seriously] There's no reason to be insulting to *her!* [the client]

[---story change---]

The following, from here till the Final Thought, is from my notebook, because my laptop went screwy right in the middle of a segment with a *spaceman.* The most interesting segment of the show, and that's when my computer chooses to freak out. Arg.

Jerry: Meet Danielle... I gotta be honest with you, this show sucks...

Jerry: I'm going to try something new with this segment. I have no idea what this segment is about.

Danielle: ...thinks he's a spaceman. Jerry: [pause] What? Why are you trying to hurt me?

Danielle's bf, Jim, is not happy that Danielle is cheating on him with a spaceman.

Audience: OUTER SPACE WHORE OUTER SPACE WHORE OUTER SPACE WHORE!

Marc, the spaceman. Jerry: Welcome.to.our.show. We.from.Earth.

Marc says that one night he was possessed by an alien force.

[---Final Thought---]

The thing about leftovers is, they're usually pretty boring...

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

------

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Steeeeve...

"I Married A Monster"

Toby's wife turns evil once a month.

SpringerCam, Toby: Jerry, if you can help me, it'd be appreciated.

SpringerCam, the wife: You know I don't eat my bacon in the microwave.

SprignerCam, the wife keeps screaming about idiotic things, such as Toby folding her socks into balls instead of, in her words, bunny ears. I'd have her peel her face off and feed it to a dog.

Ah. He's spelled Tobe.

Crystal, the wife. If she yells at Jerry, I'm going to be angry.

Crystal: He's a screw-up, he never does anything right! Audience guy/Todd?: YOU'RE A SCREW-UP! Audience: [to Crystal] YOU'RE A SCREW-UP YOU'RE A SCREW UP!

He's cheating on her.

Dawn, the new gf.

Dawn and Crystal were trying to get at eachother, Steve is keeping them apart. Jerry somehow ended up in the wrong place, too near the fighting, almost trapped against the wall. He said, "Can I get outta here?" and shimmered away.

Dawn: Yeah, well I'd rather be a whore than a lazy bitch. Jerry: [stage-whispers] On this side, you can be a whore, on this one a lazy bitch... it's a tough choice.

[---story change---]

Jeremy, a little person, loves his gf.

He thinks she may be treating him bad. He's not quite sure.

SpringerCam is here to help.

SpringerCam, she's a big person, and is being evil by holding chips up out of his reach for him to jump for:p She keeps saying mean things about is height.

SpringerCam, her: Little man, who do you think you are?

Springercam, she put him on top of the fridge to punish him for talking to her in some tone of voice:p The camera guy helped him down.

SpringerCam, she's treating him like some sort of cross between a dog and a child. She's evil. She's not quite so face-peelingly evil as Crystal, but she's still evil.

Jeremy says he didn't quite realize how bad she treats him until he saw the tape:p Jerry: It just now sunk in? She put you on top of a refridgerator!

Valerie, her.

((Aside: I have a package of havarti cheese that says "sell by 06/03/02 11". Odd.))

Audience: YOU SUCK YOU SUCK YOU SUCK!

Audience: BIG FAT MONSTER BIG FAT MONSTER BIG FAT MONSTER!

She treats him like that, and says he's bad and horrible and such, on stage, he says he's leaving her. Now she's begging for him to stay with her:p

[---story change---]

Michelle is determined to destroy her friend's marriage.

Michelle says her friend treats her own husband "like a bitch".

Michelle: I'm taking him from her. No man deserves to be treated like that. Jerry: Did I ever tell you how I'm treated? [Michelle & audience laugh] Jerry: [grins] I'm treated very well. Richard: [sound; poing]

Michelle & the friend/wife scream and lunge at eachother; Jerry is sitting in the centre chair onstage, and keeps flinching. Audience: DON'T HURT JERRY DON'T HURT JERRY DON'T HURT JERRY!

Jeff, the husband.

Denice, the wife.

Jerry: Why do you think you can be mean to him just because he's your husband? Denice: Cos he's my man! That's what you do!

Denice: He's comin' home with me! Jeff: Yeh, we'll see. We'll see. Denice: Yeah, we'll see! Jeff: We'll see. Jerry: [whining] Do we get to see? It's my shooow, I never get to see...

[---Q&A---]

Audience woman: This is for the little guy in front... I would never treat you that way, wanna come home with me, sweetheart? Audience: GIVE HIM A KISS GIVE HIM A KISS! [So she does.]

[---Final Thought---]

"There's rarely a good reason to mistreat someone."

"Even the seemingly nicest people sometimes act badly."

"Wanting someone to change doesn't mean that they will."

"Take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Dave walking down hall with Jeremy and Crystal---]

Dave is carrying Jeremy on his shoulders so he can look down on Crystal.

Dave: Maybe we can go out tonight-- Jeremy: Can we rent you for this [carrying]? Dave: Oh, sure, the Jerry Springer Show is a full-service operation.

2001-11-16T03:04:00.000-05:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Evil Confessions", heheh, this oughtta be fun.

The Imperial Wizard of the North somethingorother KKK... I remember this one... he's with them via satellite, because he's on his deathbed.

"Let me tell you something, Jerry Springer, you Jew bastard..." Grrrrr.

He's on to tell his niece who he is, this KKK guy.

KKK guy: [of his niece, who is dating a black man] I hate her damn guts.

KKK guy: [lighting a cigarette] That's how tough I am, you Jew bastard. Jerry: You can call me Jerry. KKK guy: I call you [beep; kyke].
((He's holding the cigarette very femininely, for note.))

Micky, the niece.

Imperial Wizard of the North Georgia White something...

KKK guy: [to Micky] And I assure you that when I die, my hate for you will not die, because you will be hated from now on!

KKK guy: ...you Jew bastard! Micky: [crying] You don't need to insult him-- Jerry: Oh, let'im. Micky: [sobbing] He's not even part of this...

Jerry: Do me a favour, take a couple more puffs on that cigarette...

Don, the KKK guy.

Omar, Micky's bf. He has a lumpy head.

Jerry: Don, has any sane person ever loved you? Don: Yeah, your wife, Jerry! You Jew bastard. Audience: THREESOME THREESOME THREESOME! Jerry: [boggles at them]

Don: Shut up! Jew bastard... Jerry: [annoyed] Oh, *stop.*

Jerry: I gotta wrap this up-- Don: Shut up, you Jew bastard.

[---story change, thank goodness---]

Mike says his marriage is in the toilet.

He and his wife haven't had sex for three years. Because his wife smells bad. Cos she won't take a shower.

Wife comes out. Audience: TAKE A SHOWER TAKE A SHOWER TAKE A SHOWER!

Mike's new gf is... so very very very familiar. Not because I've seen this episode before, but... she looks like an actress (or maybe is, eh), or someone I've met, or... I don't know. It's driving me crazy.

[---story change---]

Barbara wants to get rid of her husband's mistress.

Dee, the mistress.

Russel, the husband.

Russel has no teeth.

Jerry: We'll be back, widda cow. Stay with us.
((Um, I should have been paying more attention to that segment. Perhaps this would make sense.))

[---Q&A---]

A guy behind the guy who is currently asking a question is waving at the camera.

Audience guy: [to Jerry] First of all, where's the cow?

Audience guy: How ya doin', Jerry? Jerry: I'm fine, thanks for askin'.

Audience guy: [to Barbara] I got one word, five syllables. Yeranuglybitch.

Audience: WE LOVE JESUS WE LOVE JESUS WE LOVE JESUS!

[---Final Thought---]

"Take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Dave & Mike walking down hall---]

Mike and his wife are gonna go home now.

2001-11-16T00:55:00.000-05:00

Now this is cool. I searched "blue hair" on Google because my hair is currently blue, and got this result: http://www.bluehair.com They sell Springer merchandise. I want the Security Dept. mug...

2001-11-10T02:42:00.000-05:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Ohh, it's the one with the guy who buys underwear. Okay.

Jerry: It's, it's about as weird as it gets... Russ: I can get weirder!

2001-11-07T03:03:00.000-05:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Honey, You're Busted"

Carl's got a serious gambling problem.

He... he put up his girlfriend... in a poker game.

He lost the bet.

Carl: I have a gambling problem... Jerry: [mumbling] More than a *gambling* problem...

Monica, the gf.

Paul, the guy he owed: I ain't skeerd a' yew!

Paul: What she [his gf] don't know won't hurt'er! Jerry: [puts a hand on his shoulder and points at the big camera at the back of the studio] Why don't you wave at that camera and wave hi to her?

Paul's gf is not pleased.

Steve's coughing.

[---story change---]

Someone in the audience is wearing a big Superman shirt and waving a small American flag.

Billy's wife is cheating on him.

Jerry: Billy, what's goin' on? Billy: Billy--I, I mean Jerry...

Leah, the wife.

Leah looks like a cross between Delta Burke and my cousin Diana.

He has Leah on tape, cheating.

Leah's angry because Billy put a hidden camera in the bedroom:p

Leah, about the hidden camera: I can't believe you did that to me!!!
((Uh, Leah... *you're* cheating on him.))

Dr. Chocolate, the new bf.

Dr. Chocolate: ...she needed some chocolate in her life. Jerry: But... but, chocolate *moose?*
((I say "moose" because that's how Jerry meant it...;p ))

[---story change---]

Adam has been cheating on his gf with her brother.

Kenda, the gf.

Jerry: So you don't know why you're here. Kenda: No. Jerry: But you're worried, cos you know what our show's like... Kenda: Yeah. Jerry: Yeah. It's a worry always.

Kenda: [as is giving an order] You're *not* gay. You're not with my brother! Adam: I am with your brother. Kenda: [still giving orders] NO, you're not!

Dakota, the brother.

Ahh. Dakota is a transvestite.

Dakota: Keep her away, Steve, keep her away. Thank you, honey.

Dakota: Just remember, honey, when you're kissing him, you're [beeeep; sucking my cock].

[---Q&A---]

Audience guy: If you're all done with Dr. Chocolate, my friend Captain Toothpick would [can't hear the rest cos audience cheers]

Audience guy: [yells] My question's for you-- Jerry: Try this, it works. [hands him the mic] Audience guy: [into the mic] My question's for you [something boring to Dr. Chocolate]

What... ::laughs:: Richard said something to Jerry, then started playing the kickass song. Jerry stood in the Final Thought spot and started singing along. He said, "G'night, everybody!" and went backstage, but the song kept playing... lots of audience people came on stage and danced with Steve and Todd...

"You're halfway to hell, you've lost everything that counts..." That song. I need to know if it has a name, or is availible on CD or if anyone has it... I want it. If any Springer fans out there have it on mp3 or some other format, I'll trade you a guest blogging spot for it. mistacat@lyekka.com

[---Final Thought---]

"Can trust, once lost, ever be regained?"

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Dr. Chocolate---]

Dr. Chocolate says he's 5'4", 302lb.

2001-11-06T03:03:00.000-05:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Spicy Secrets"

Crystal has a red-hot secret for her bf.

Crystal: I have this big juicy red-hot secret to tell him.

She's sleeping with her pimp.

Beau, the bf.

Beau: Who the hell are you?! Pimp: [happily] I'm her pimp!

Jerry: [to the audience] Okay, the bidding starts at ten!

Pimp: I don't love you, I was just usin' you for money! Crystal: Well, you said you loved me! Pimp: I tell all my hos that.

Pimp: Hos are a dime a dozen.

[---story change---]

SpringerCam: Guy: Who is this with the camera? Woman: It is Jerry Springer, baby! And he's here to bust your lyin', cheatin' ass!

He's sleeping with her brother.

Her: [to the brother] I should bounce your [beep; fucking] ass like a basketball!

Jerry: Let's bring out apparently the boyfriend of both of you... here's Jeremy.

The brother has a gf.

Sondra, the first woman.

Tony, the brother.

Jerry: You girlfriend has no idea you're gay? Jeremy: Bisexual. No.
((That's odd, Jerry usually makes a point of the distinction between gay and bi.))

Tony's gf: [something I couldn't hear] Tony: No comment.

[---story change---]

David lost his wife and his kids.

His wife is cheating on him.

Rebecca, the wife.

Rebecca: He ain't nothin' but a punk-ass bitch!

They beeped "McDonalds".

Audience: TAKE IT OFF TAKE IT OFF TAKE IT OFF! Jerry: [thrusts his chest forward at them and starts to take off his jacket] Audience: [screams happily and cheers and cheers and cheers] JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY!!

[---Q&A---]

Audience woman: [to David] The crybaby in the back there... grow up.

Guy: We're in America, whatever happened to a man loving his sister more than another man? Audience: USA USA USA USA USA USA!

[---Final Thought---]

"Know this. Free love never is. Free, that is."

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Sondra---]

Sondra: How do you wake up gay?

2001-11-03T03:06:00.000-05:00

Jerry is on Politically Incorrect!

They're discussing the airlines' loss of money. Jerry doesn't seem nervous, which seems unusual--he's usually nervous on such shows.

Bill Maher did the bunny-ears-hands-quotes thing. I hate that.

Jerry: When you're going to kill someone because they don't believe in your religion, that's what's wrong.

Jerry: I say we go get bin Laden and put him on my show! Joel Mowbray: How would he get on your show? It's not like he's a midget bisexual... [something I didn't catch] Jerry: Well, you don't know what he's wearing under those robes.

Maher is complaining that our president saying "God bless" might inflame the terrorists. Jerry: Somebody who's on the side of the terrorists may be pissed off and I don't care!

------

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Liar!"

Rikki says he needs to come clean about his secret affair.

He's cheating on his wife.

With a man.

He says he's bi.

Belinda, the wife: HOW THE HELL ARE YOU GAY!! [stupid yellow ZOW! graphic]

Rikki: A guy gives me what I want! Jerry: [backs up against the wall, grins, walks back toward Rikki] What is it that you want? Richard: [sends out a poing sound]

Belinda: You don't take me out! Rikki: Belind, yes I do! I take you out every time we go out!

Rikki: I'm not allowed to go out and have fun... you go out and have fun. Belinda: I didn't go out and have fun and turn gay.

Manuel, the bf.

Audience: YOU SUCK YOU SUCK YOU SUCK! Rikki: I suck?? Jerry: That's how he got in trouble...

Rikki can take out his top teeth;p

Audience: [a few people] STEVE STEVE STEVE... [a few more people] STEVE STEVE STEVE... [most of audience] STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE!

Rikki: Yes I am. 99.9% fairy.

Manuel is with somebody else:p Rikki is not happy.

Ha! It's a girl. She's not happy, either;)

[---story change---]

Charles says he couldn't keep his hands off his neighbour's woman.

He didn't know the woman was dating the neighbour.

Jerry: Now this girl, I imagine she's a real good lookin' woman? Richard: [barnyard sound] Charles: Yeah, yeah, yeah... Richard: [continues the sound]

Max, the guy.

Charles says he has over a thousand children, via a sperm bank.

Charles and Max both sound like they may very well be from Kentucky... I should move:p

Jerry, on the sperm bank thing: Well... I guess our show's gonna be goin' on for years...

Sue, the gf. She's wearing a squaredancing dress with giant white polka dots onnit... she came out and kissed both of them.

She says she buckdances.

Audience wants to see her dance, so Richard's playing the song he always plays. Jerry's mouthing it;) "If thing's ever get any worse..."

Charles is going to sing a song for Sue... "How do yuh say goodbye to an angel, and slowly walk away?"

Sue wants Max. Max says "We'll see."

Charles is singing the last verse of his song, and Todd had the clapping-in-time audience stand up.

[---story change---]

Renelle's bf of seven years has suddenly disappeared.

Renelle says her bf doesn't know whether he wants to be with a man or a woman.

Shunda? The bf? Whatever the name, he's a transvestite now.

Jerry: I think the confusion's over...

Richard: [mooo sound]

Ah. Shonda.

Jerry: [to Shonda] Why'd you cheat on her? Renelle: Hos do things like that.

Shonda's bf is onstage now, Renelle is screaming at him.

Jerry: How long have you been with him? Shonda: Two months. Renelle: [sarcastically] Two months... whoa, that is so much stability in your life, honey.

The bf has a gf. Or... another transvestite, I'm having trouble telling. Which is unusual for me.

Jerry: Wait, wait, wait... [is ignored] Hey hey hey... [holds up his card] Hi, I'm Jerry Springer.

Ah, the new gf is a guy. Okay.

Jerry: [to Shonda's bf] You seem pretty confused. Do you know where you are?

Someone just said, "You are the weakest link, goodbye!" :p

[---Final Thought---]

Ack, I missed the Q&A cos I was taking my dog outside:(

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Steve standing in hall with Charles---]

Steve asked Charles to make up a song about the show... so he did:

"Oh yes, Steve, you are the star of the show... even though everybody else has a great big part... don't forget this guy called Jerry Springer... I really enjoyed the show!"

Heheh.

2001-10-30T03:04:00.000-05:00

I did watch the episode of The Weakest Link with Jerry Springer, Ben Stein, RuPaul, and others. I taped it, so I will eventually re-watch it for notes...

---------
JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Steeeeeve...

"I Live in a Box"

Jerry: [to the ooooing and cheering audience] Oo, thank you, thank you, you are soooo niiice!

Jerry: Lynn says her relationship with her husband is over but he refuses to think outside of the box.

SpringerCam, Kurt does, indeed, live in a box.

SpringerCam, Kurt: You put me out here in this box! Lynn: I never told you to live in a box!!

SpringerCam, Kurt: I don't wanna live out here in this box all my life...

Jerry: Was he always kin'a weird? Lynn: Yeah.

Here comes Kurt, in his box...

Kurt: I looove yooouu, Lyyyyn! Lynn: Iii haaaate yooouu!

Jerry: Why do you think she kicked you out? Kurt: Because she got tired of me not working...

Kurt: Jerry, if she doesn't come back to me, I am your problem now. I'm gonna sit right over here [on the stage] until you convince her to take me back. Jerry: [to Lynn] Why don't you take him back? I'll even buy him some clothes... Lynn: A suit? Jerry: A suit?? She's negociating! [starts laughing so hard he has to sit down]

[---story change---]

Jerry: If you'll notice, as the camera pans around, we still have Kurt... in a box... Kurt: Thank you, Jerry. Audience: KURT KURT KURT KURT KURT KURT!

Jerry: Please meet Sam. Sam says he enjoys hiding under his bed.

Sam made a deal with his cousin that she could stay in his house if he would be allowed to watch her and her gf have sex.

Daratha, the gf.

Daratha doesn't believe Sam that the cousin agreed to this.

Jessica, the cousin.

Daratha is very mad at Jessica.

Jerry: [leans mic down] Kurt, what do you think of this? Kurt: I think he should've picked one or the other of them and stuck with it... Jerry: [waves his card at him and walks away]

[---story change---]

Jerry: John says when it comes to sex, mother knows best. Audience: Boooooooooo!!!!!

John says he's obsessed with his mother.

He on his mother's bra and panties after she leaves for work.

He likes to be dominated by her.

Audience: WHO'S YOUR MOMMY WHO'S YOUR MOMMY!

Kurt: [to John] I've got some friends in Seattle that would think you're pretty cute in that.

The mother: What do you think you're doing, talking to these people?! Telling them that you like to wear my clothes, like that's a normal thing! That's kinda freaky! [turns to audience] Don't you think that's kinda freaky??

Jerry: You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking that somewhere in the world, someone is just now turning on our show... and the beauty of it is, you never have to go to the TVGuide to find out what show you're watching.

[---story change---]

I love Jerry's shoes.

Jerry: Well... we still got Kurt here... Audience: KURT KURT KURT KURT KURT KURT!

Jerry: Sonya says she's stuck between two new lovers.

She's here to tell her bf that she's been having a threesome with the nextdoor neighbours.

Jerry: And on behalf of the Jerry Springer Show, I'd like to thank you for sharing that with us.

Jason, the bf. Jasons are evil.

Sonya: There are more couples out there that are in triangles than you can shake a stick at! Jason: I don't wanna shake a stick at them!!

Jason: [to the new guy, after calling him a rat-fink] Whatever, Master Splinter!
((What?! Two TMNT refs in a row...))

[---Q&A---]

VO promo guy: "Did you have a *bizarre* one night stand and you wanna tell your lover on our show?"

Audience guy: I got a question for the landlord, would you let the three of them live there for free if you could watch them? Sam: Yeah.

[---Final Thought---]

"We've seen, today, as we've seen so often on our show, people being hurt."

"Till next time, take care of yourself, and eachother."

[---Steve talking to Kurt, onstage---]

Steve: You goin'? Kurt: No. Steve: Show's over. Kurt: It's Jerry's problem, now.

Steve: You're gonna live onstage? We're all leaving.

Steve: I'm goin' to the game. [leaves]

2001-10-25T03:03:00.000-04:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"It's a Pimp's World"

Rodeshia says she made the worst mistake of her life.

She wants to tell her pimp that she wants to stop being a hooker.

Charles, the pimp.

Jerry: Hey, hey, hey. Charles: *What?* You got a problem with me?? Jerry: Yeah.

Jerry: [of Charles' jacket] Right now there's a cheap motel without a curtain.

Charles: She got more ass than a team o' donkeys!

Charles: [to Rodeshia] Every time a man walks by your legs fly open like a mouse trap!
((Fly open like a... mouse trap?))

Charles: Who got the kids Ninja Turtles for Christmas?!
((*What?* This is 2001, not 1992.))

Jerry: [to Charles] You're an embarrassment to anybody who happens to be white.

Jerry: [to Charles] She's quittin', you better get that through your head.

Charles says he lost two uncles in WWII so he could do whatever he wants:p Jerry said there was a war before that that got rid of slavery.

Audience woman: [to Charles] With the money she's makin' you, why don't you get your teeth fixed and get a face lift?

[---story change---]

Scott says he got a male and female for the price of one.

He's here to tell his gf he's been sleeping with a transexual prostitute.

Jerry: How did this come about? You woke up one morning and said "ahh! I need a transexual."?

Scott's gf is *not happy.* Not in the slightest.

The gf went backstage, Scott followed, Steve followed them. Jerry: [cheerfully] Let's do the show back here! [follows them]

Nautica, the tranvestite.

[---story change---]

A fake Steve is pimping his nephew out.

His sister doesn't know this.

The sister isn't happy.

The fake Steve says he'd pimp his sister out before he'd allow his sister to pimp his daughter out...:p

Jerry: [to the nephew] You know what, this is just a tv show, but you're really ruining your life.

[---Q&A---]

There's a bizarre audience guy in a bright orange shirt with pinky-orange candy floss hair.

An audience woman who looks a lot like a friend of mine stood up and lectured Charles at length. Jerry gave her his mic and his Jerry Springer Show card, then said, "Come up here [onstage], it's your show." She stood over Charles while Steve held him down, yelling at him more. It was so cool:p And she said, "My breasts are bigger than your [beep; fuckin'] ego!"

Jerry: Well, she pretty much made you look like a fool... Charles: No she didn't!
((No, she didn't. You didn't need her help.))

[---Final Thought---]

"Till next time, take care of yourself... aand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Charles---]

Charles thinks he looks wonderful.

He says he's "not at liberty" to tell Steve how many girls he has working for him:p

2001-10-24T03:26:00.000-04:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

New season, trashed alley opening...

"Cheaters Bazaar"

Phil is here to reveal his true identify to his gf.

Phil is gay. He's using his gf to get to her bf.

Jerry: So you're just using her to get to her boyfriend? Phil: He's cute, Jerry! Audience: [laughs] Phil: He is!

Her: There's no way you're gay! We had sex!

Her: There's no way that you're gay!

Phil is now just wearing a bra and panties, and he's chasing Steve.

Phil: Jerry... I've been waiting to tell you this for so... you. are so. Hot.

Richard: [makes a poinging sound] Phil: That's not funny, buddy! You're cute, too!

The bf: He's gayer than a three dollar bill!

[---story change---]

Tammy says she takes work wherever she gets it, and Jerry had insane trouble saying that. Richard made a buzzer sound at him.

She's having sex with a guy for money, because her bf won't work.

Jerry: Is he your only customer? Audience: [laughs for a while] Jerry: Must be... [turns to the audience] Ohhhh, stop it! Do you have any idea how far I live from her town?

Mike, the bf.

Mike: How could you do this to me, Stehh--uh, Tammy??

Jerry: Stacy-Tammy or Tammy-Stacy... I should tell you, we let our guests use other names on the show, but now the whole cover's blown...

Mike has a highschool education. Jerry: See, there are people on our show with a highschool education...

Jason, the guy Tammy's been sleeping with for money. He's a mutual friend.

Jerry: ...Jason has no qualms about doing this to his buddy-- Jason: Nope.

Jason: Tammy. Show me wwuh why we came here for...

Jason can barely speak.

[---story change---]

Kelly says she's finally found an honest man to make her happy.

But she's married.

Mark, the husband.

Kelly: I'm sleeping with one of your best friends. Mark: But guess what, you stupid bitch, I already know!

Mark: When you signed that marriage certificate, that made you my property!

Jerry: [golf-whisper as Mark and Kelly scream at eachother] This marriage appears to be in difficulty.

Ron, the bf/friend. Mark gave him *permission* to sleep with Kelly.

Ron has a gf.

Ron's gf: You bastard! How are you gonna do this to me?!

Ron's gf and Kelly are friends.

Mark must be a Leo...

[---Final Thought---]

What?? What happened to the Q&A??

Jerry said "disthonesty"...

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Jason---]

Discussing how often Jason hires Tammy.

2001-10-23T02:11:00.000-04:00

My head is killing me, so no new post tonight. Sorry, guys.

Following is an old post from before I started the blog--non-Springer related notes are also included, as they are in my notes file. Sharaya is a friend of mine.

---------

::boggles at a woman on Springer:: This woman is gonna marry her father... is that legal?

She says she was 16 when she started sleeping with her father... Jerry said, 'He ought to be hung by the toes... or whatever else is sticking up.'

He's actually being emotional about this one... Springer is...

"The worst nightmares I ever had, happened to me over a serious of three days." From the nightmare thread on Teenage Wildlife...

Springer: Have you ever wondered how hot hell is?

He keeps telling people 'ssh'... the people, and the audience...

::laughs madly:: Also from the nightmare thread on TW... ""That is really amazing," he said. "That really is truly amazing. That is so amazingly amazing I think I'd like to steal it.""

::blinks:: The father's name is Randy, the girl's name is Brandy. And he's fucking her... egotistical?

Jerry: Have you ever slept with any of your other children? Randy: No. You can bite my ass.

Jerry's standing waaay up in the audience...

Jerry: We've been doing this show for [some] years, and I keep saying nothing's crazier than this... well, nothing's crazier than this... Randy: Could be a cow. Jerry: [falters] What? Randy: It could be a cow. Jerry: [looks boggled] --Audience freaks out.--

The security guys are calming things down:)

Randy's ex-friend threw punch [from a bowl] at him, splashed the camera... the security guys are having trouble calming things down, this time... Jerry's in the audience, with his hand over his mouth... looks like he's gonna laugh...

Beeep beeeeep beep... bah. Censorship is bad.

Jerry: You can't really be married-- Randy: Well, fine, Jerry, if you're not gonna do it, you can kiss my ass.

::BOL:: Jerry: I guess--I guess if he doesn't kick my butt, we'll be back. [cut to commercial]

Eck, this next chick looks like Sharaya... a lot. ::laughs:: It's a tranvestite... ::laughs more:: She's chasing Todd [security guy] around the studio, he's hiding behind other security guys... the audience loves it.

Jerry's laughing muchly at Todd's face...

Audience: [boos and yells] Transvestite: [blandly] Boo you, boo you, screw you, shut up...

Ew, my feet are going to sleep...

She, the transvestite, ought to stop saying, 'Your point?' She's kinda using it like 'y'know?'

Jerry: [I think referring to the food on the stage, from the Randy-Brandy thing, fight with the ex-friend] We like to feed our guests, so if you get hungry...

This woman says she's a hooker. Audience: Dir-ty whore! Dir-ty whore!

The hooker's boyfriend. 'What kind of a *hooker* would get paid for sex?' *What?*

::BOL:: Brandy just called someone in the audience immature:p

Steve, the bald security guy, is sitting on stage... the transvestite doesn't like Steve, just Todd;)

Audience guy, to Randy and Brandy: How does it feel to be WHITE TRASH?

::laughs:: Audience guy: [to Randy] What makes you think you can walk down the street and not get your ass kicked? Randy: You must like it or you wouldn't be here! Audience: [chanting] We like Jerry! We like Jerry! We like Jerry! Randy: Yeah, I already told Jerry what he can do!

Steve is sitting onstage... between a guy who isn't gay, and Brandy...

Jerry's making a big deal out of how bad this guy sleeping with his daughter is... on his 'final thought' thing...

2001-10-19T03:32:00.000-04:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Wild Sex Stories"

Springer was delayed, presumably because of a base- or football game, and a voiceover just said "And now back to our regularly scheduled programming, already in progress..."

TJ sleeps with too many hookers, and his gf is not happy.

She... she's taken her clothes off and is walking on a treadmill. Onstage.

Audience: REDNECK LOSER REDNECK LOSER REDNECK LOSER!

Andrea, the gf.

Andrea says she's gonna stay on the treadmill for the whole show.

[---Q&A---]

Irish audience guy...

Audience woman: [to a mother and daughter incest whoring team] Me and every other audience in here wish you would stop swingin' your flabby ass!

Irish audience woman... the audience had Andrea kiss her;)

[---story change---]

Why there was a Q&A in the middle of the episode, I don't know.

Tammy's here to strip naked and have sex with a woman.

She wants to have sex with her brother's gf.

Whoa... the brother came out crying. He's not yelling or anything, just crying.

Barry, the brother.

Paige, the gf. She looks like Lumia from LEXX.

::laughs:: Jerry sat down on the stage to talk to an old woman in the audience, so she wouldn't have to watch Tammy and Paige.

Audience: FOURSOME WITH JERRY FOURSOME WITH JERRY FOURSOME WITH JERRY! Jerry: I'm sorry, I'm already committed. [kisses the old woman's hand]

Barry: [to Paige] You don't understand, dude... Jerry: Not a dude.

Andrea's still treadmilling...

[---story change---]

Sandra says it broke her heart when her son became her daughter.

Sandra: Hi, Jerry. Jerry: Hi.

Sandra: A couple days ago, I went down the street that everybody calls... the Ho Track... Jerry: Yeah, I know where that is. Audience: [laughs]

Niya, the son. Sandra says it's Stephen. Audience: STTEEEEEEEEEEEVE!

Jerry: I won't call him Niya.

Oooooo, he's *good.*

Sandra *burned* all of Stephen/Niya's things... how could she?

Andrea's treadmilling backstage, now.

[---Q&A---]

Audience woman: Me an' my friend want to know if I could give Steve a hug and if she could give Todd a hug, pleeease?

Andrea's still on the treadmill.

Steve doesn't want to be hugged by Niya;)

Audience guy: Hey, girl on the treadmill, don't you worry about what he says, you look good any way you wanna be.

[---Final Thought---]

"Good luck to you, Andrea..."

"Take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Steve's Corner---]

Steve is there with the old woman; I didn't catch her name:(

She says she watches Springer every day.

She had fun:)

Steve: Whaddya like about the Jerry Springer Show? Her: Well... at my age... everything looks different.

2001-10-18T03:24:00.000-04:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Steeeeve...

"Tales of the She-Males"

Camille says she has a secret package for her fiancee after the wedding.

Camille is a man, and has no transvestite accent:(

Camille: [yelling at the audience] DON'T BOO ME! LOSER! LOSER!

Jerry: This may seem like a crazy notion, but what about building a marriage on trust?

Camille: What I have between my legs don't determine whether I'm a woman or not! Jerry: Well, it does... Audience: YES IT DOES YES IT DOES YES IT DOES!

The Rev. is marrying Camille and her fiancee...

Camille: Baby, there's something I need to tell you, now that I'm Mrs... baby, I'm a man.

[---story change---]

Matt says he's prepared to face the truth about his father.

His dad is gay.

SpringerCam, Matt's dad wants to be a woman.

SpringerCam, Matt's dad: Call me dad, or Margo, or mom, but I hope we can still play ball.

Mark, the dad.

Audience: GIVE YOUR DAD A HUG GIVE YOUR DAD A HUG!

[---story change---]

John says hairy legs don't bother him, in fact they turn him on.

John fulfilled his sexual fantasy of being with a transexual. His fiancee is likely not to be happy.

Jamie, the fiancee.

Jamie: I can't believe he's gay! I hate him right now...

Jamie is screaming at Lindsey...

Jamie: [screaming[ HE HAS A PENIS!

Jamie: I don't have a penis, can't give you what you want! Lindsey: Maybe you should try gettin' one!

Big yellow ZOW! graphic...

[---story change---]

Roy says the internet was his cupid.

Roy is cyber-cheating on his gf Kiki. He wants to leave Kiki for his cybergf.

Kiki: You gon' make me break my foot off in your [beep; ass] on national tv!

Ha, the cybergf is really a man...

Roy: You don't look like a damn man! Her: Trust me, I am a man. Kiki: [laughs hysterically; to the gf] How you doin? Nice to meet you!

[---story change---]

Mike says he has a gender bending secret for his gf.

Mike: He's [his bf] dead sexy.

Rachael, the gf.

Rachael: How could you do this?! Mike: He's awesome...

Transvestite bf comes out, looks ooold. She said, "Hey, Jerry, I love younger men!"

Audience: BEA ARTHUR BEA ARTHUR BEA AR-- [Todd must've shut them up]

Audience: GIVE STEVE ORAL SEX GIVE STEVE ORAL SEX GIVE STEVE ORAL SEX!

[---Q&A---]

Audience guy: Grandma Moses, lookin' like a grape... back to the funeral... Richard: [sets off a buzzer sound, then a moo sound]

The Rev just called this the cheesiest show and had two girls present Jerry with the Cheesehead award:p

Guy: Jerry, ya got a great show here-- Richard: [buzzes] Guy: That half of the stage needs a flushing mechanism , so after your Final Thought, you could point to Todd and he could pull the lever, and that whole side of the stage would just swirl around... Audience: NO MORE BEER NO MORE BEER NO MORE BEER!

A Brit audience chick told the grandma tranvestite to give Steve a lapdance... Steve isn't pleased.

[---Final Thought---]

"The truth is, we all have secrets..."

"...in each, there is a talk show waiting to happen..."

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Steve playing catch with Mark---]

Mark: How'd you like that kiss on your head I gave you? Steve: I *didn't* like it. I don't like men kissing me.

2001-10-17T04:35:00.000-04:00

antithesis links here. I can't figure out if the comment is sarcastic or not--maybe I'm just paranoid now... but that person likes Labyrinth, so that's good. Yay.

Guerrillanews(dot)org links here and gives a similiarly possibly-sarcastic review...

Got a link from mental--I like the comment.

A blog with a name I can't decipher links here; I'm glad this blog makes someone laugh:)

kite___________less. (5ilver) links to and quotes this blog.

other than linguistics links here and calls me odd--thanks!;)

2001-10-17T03:30:00.000-04:00

Search strings leading here:

"female dogs"

"gay midgets"

2001-10-17T03:27:00.000-04:00

110 hits from julesasner.com.

3 Bruces - All Your Site Are Belong To Us links here, and reminds me of mempool.com. It would *rock* if memepool linked to this blog... but back to 3 Bruces. It's an insult. My first insult related to this blog. Kickass;)

I'd like to say that this isn't meant to "convey episodes of the Jerry Springer Show", I'm just *quoting* the Jerry Springer Show.

But much thanks to the people here, though!

2001-10-17T03:03:00.000-04:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Judgement Day on Springer"

Very loud audience woman: Hey, JERRYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! [giggles]

Michelle is sleeping with her daughter's fiancee.

::blinks:: Michelle: [yells at the audience] You need a haircut!

Jerry: Why would you do this to your daughter, stab her in the back? Michelle: I didn't stab her in the back. Jerry: Well, front.

Leslie, the daughter.

Leslie attacked Michelle, a huge red "GAACK!" graphic popped up on the tv:p

Leslie: Yeah, right! I will see that when I believe it!
((::laughs hysterically::))

Audience: MOM IS A WHORE MOM IS A WHORE MOM IS A WHORE! Jerry: [to the audience] How many times in your life have you said that?

Leslie: His ass is mine! Jerry: What would you do with another one?

Michelle: [to Leslie's fiancee] You low-life dog!

Leslie: [screaming] YOU SLEPT WITH MY MOM, OF ALL PEOPLE!!!!

Jerry: Why am I involved in this? It's not my family...

[---story change---]

Regina loves making money by lying on her back.

Jerry: You test mattresses?

Regina looks like Desire from Sandman, only not as pretty.

Audience: WHORE WHORE WHORE! Regina: Oh well! Oh well! Oh well! Oh well!

Regina's sister's fiancee is one of Regina's best clients.

Regina: He pays me $600 every other day. Audience guy: I wouldn't give you six cents!!

Jennifer, the sister.

Regina: ...when he came to my room and gave me money for nook nook! Jerry: [mock outrage] You gave him nook nook?!

Jerry: Never thought I'd see the day... people buying nook nook...

Jerry: If he pays us 600 bucks, we'll let him out. [grinning at a nodding Richard] But first we'll take a break.

Stephen, the fiancee.

Stephen: Last three months, you ain't been givin' me sex at all! I'm a man! I need sex!

Audience: SHOW JERRY AGAIN SHOW JERRY AGAIN SHOW JERRY AGAIN! Regina: [shows Jerry her breasts] Jerry: *Damn!* I left my wallet at home...

[---story change---]

David is happy as a pig in slop. And he looks like Meatloaf.

Angel, his gf.

Angel looks like Angelina Jolie without the lips.

Angel: ...but I've been having this fantasy about having sex with someone else, but it has to be *right here, right now, on this stage.* Jerry: I'm sorry, I have to draw the line, I cannot do that. Audience: HAVE SEX WITH JERRY HAVE SEX WITH JERRY HAVE SEX WITH JERRY! Jerry: As much as I'd love to, we'll have to find somebody else. Audience: STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE!

Ah. It's a woman.

Angel and the girl took their clothes off and laid down on the stage:p

Jerry: Whaddya wanna say? This is your girlfriend... David: [looks at Jerry] Thank you.

Jerry: Well, whaddya wanna do? David: Hopefully join in.

Jerry: This is such a classy show...

[---Q&A---]

Whoa... an audience guy said "hoor" instead of "whore"... "This is to the hoor there, did you say six hundred or six dollars?"

Audience guy: My name is Leroy Johnson, and I wanna say that you, Jerry, and your show, are a great humanitarian. Because every time I feel low, I can turn on your show and see losers like this! Audience: LEROY LEROY LEROY LEROY!

[---Final Thought---]

"Most of the time our show is primarily for entertainment..."

"Take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Michelle---]

He's lecturing her.

Arreola... name on the credits...

2001-10-16T03:39:00.000-04:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Wet, Wild and Naked"

There's a woman with Jerry painted on her chest. She's picked a woman out of the audience and is taking her backstage...

[---story change---]

Jerry: I gotta tell ya, it wouldn't be the first time we've had a stripper on Springer. Audience: [doesn't laugh] Jerry: [starts laughing, as he can't believe they didn't laugh]

Roxy is a stripper for old people.

JC is one of Roxy's clients.

Uh-oh... JC has a gf.

The gf: You slutty-ass bitch! Get your ass off my boyfriend!

[---story change---]

Martene gives erotic massages.

Martene: Some of them like the dominic thing where I pull their hair...
((*Dominic* thing?))

Martene just pulled someone from the audience... she's got her table set up onstage.

Jerry: [to the girl who's with the audience guy] Are you here with him? Her: Yes I am. Jerry: Is he your boyfriend? Her: Yes he is. Jerry: Is he going to continue to be your boyfriend? [more things] Her: Oh no, he is not comin' home with me. Jerry: Weeelll, if he's not goin' home with you... [sits down next to her]

Ahh! Martene gave the guy a massage... Jerry: Is there something you'd like to tell him? Martene: Yeah... I'm a man. Guy: [looks totally shocked, jumps off the table, grabs his clothes, and runs back into the audience]

[---story change---]

Jerry: Y'know, we've had a lot of naked women on the show today, and now it's time for somethin' for the ladies!

Tiger (male): I'm a stripper... and my fiance is backstage, and he knows nothing about it...

Tiger's bf looks like Chris Kattan... only... uglier.

[---Q&A---]

The body painting woman is back, with the audience woman who now has Steve painted on her chest.

Heheh, Martene's guy is now not sitting with his... ex-gf... snh snh snh.

I think I've seen the audience woman who is currently yelling at Roxy before...

"Tap into your insanity..." The VO promo guy, promoing tickets.

[---Final Thought---]

"There *is* a talk show in each of us."

"Take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Steve's Corner---]

With Audience Woman Angie's chest-Steve hosting.

2001-10-13T03:06:00.000-04:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

I've got a puppy sitting next to me, and she looked up and listened to the opening chants;)

"Feisty Women Face Off"

Tracy's sister is sleeping with Tracy's husband.

Tracy: My sister is a hunnert percent bitch!

Tracy has her sister's name tattooed just above her breast, because they used to be best friends.

Tracy: I'm from Alabama, I've never seen snow before, and when I saw them together, I just snapped.
((Um, what?))

SpringerCam, they're fighting in front of the studio... Tracy, the sister, and the husband... and it is snowing. "455" is on some building in the background...

Toni, the sister. She has the same tattoo above her breast, presumably with "Tracy" on it.

Steve made Toni put her chair back where the chairs normally go, instead of closer to the audience. Toni: Do I got to, Steve? Steve: Yeah, you do. [moves the chair]

Audience person: WHORE! Toni: [pause] You prob'ly are, too!
((Oh, good comeback.))

Brian, the husband.

Jerry: [creeps out onstage]

Tracy: [holds up a shoe] I'm'on'throw this shoe at'er! [A security guy takes the shoe from her]

Brian: The... situation... with the children is as much to blame my fault as...
((What?))

Oh, she's spelled Traci...

Brian: Lemme get this correct...

Brian: I don't see where the trust is gonna come from again...
((Brian talks funny.))

Traci: [to Jimmy] You too big, I can't fight you!

Whoa, maniacal laughter from the audience.

What? What?! Brian asked Toni to marry her, and she said no. She's back stage and talking to Jerry. She said, "*Why?* *Why* would he ask me to marry him? He's married to my sister!"

[---story change---]

Elayna's bf cheated on her with the town whore.

Jerry: Just, for my own information, what town is this?

SpringerCam, Elayna and her bf fighting in the skating rink:p They knocked the cameraperson over...

Audience: TOWN WHORE TOWN WHORE TOWN WHORE!

Ah, she's spelled Alena.

Jessica, the town whore.

Josh, the bf.

What? Josh says he's been cheating through the whole two-year relationship with Alena, and *Jessica* walks offstage, crying.

[---story change---]

Helen, who looks about a hundred and ten, says her grandson met a whore.

Helen: She ain't nothin' but an ol' bitchin' whore and I'm'on' whip her ass.

Lisha? Alisha? The whore.

Heh, Jerry is holding Helen back;)

Johnny, the grandson.

[---Q&A---]

Audience woman: My question is for the girl in black and the sister and the... whatever you call him... Several audience members: Boyfriend.

Audience guy: Hey, this is the only show where I know I can come see some *ignorance.* You all *dumb.* Especially *you,* you're *stupid!*

Toni: Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry! Jerry: What, what, what?

[---Final Thought---]

"Love is the source of the greatest pain and the greatest joy..."

"Take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Helen---]

Helen: I wanted to hit'em. Steve: I know, but we can't let you hit her...

2001-10-12T18:00:00.000-04:00

Again I wish to say, I don't proofread before I post. Umm, that's meant to be "how he goes to bars and buys..."

2001-10-12T17:58:00.000-04:00

Weird search string that led here: "programming helps"

Weird search string in general: "marrying a slut"

1pm, new season showing. Yay:)

---------

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Scandalous Springer Secrets"

I just woke up, I missed some of the show... some short guy with the same accent as Mayor O'Malley of Baltimore is talking about how to goes to bars and buys peoples' underwear.

Jerry: [looks boggled at the guy's story, turns to the audience] I do this for a *living.*

Jerry: Whaddya do with the underwear? Guy: I-I-- Jerry: I don't wanna know.

The guy wants to buy underwear from the audience.

Whoa... some girl is taking off her underwear, onstage, desperately trying to hide herself...

::blinks:: The guy gave her the money, then gave her her underwear back.

Jerry: We've been talkin' to Russ, uh... and it's about as weird as it gets... Russ: I can get weirder!

Russ says he's a senior citizen.

He says he calls his wife his honey-bunny.

Ilene, the wife...

Ilene: [runs out] What, are you crazy?! I'm *really pissed!*

Jerry: You've been with him for thirty years, you must know... you... know... he's, uh, he's nuts!

He just bought another pair of underwear, from another audience girl. Wouldn't that be funny? I'd keep the dollar. "Hey, why's that dollar tacked to the wall?" "Yeah, um, that's the dollar I got when I sold my underwear on Springer."

::laughs madly:: Ilene suggested Russ put underwear on the dog.

[---story change---]

Jerry: Welcome back. Imagine having a secret so scandalous the only place you feel comfortable revealing it is on the Jerry Springer Show!

David is sleeping with his brother's gf.

Evil big blue KLUMP! graphic...

Shawn, the brother.

Shawn has suspected his gf of cheating.

David: Yyeh, mama mighta give you d' looks, but daddy ga'me d' package.

Shawn: Come over here, little brother, so I can bash you on national TV!

Michelle, the gf. Audience: SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT! Michelle: [to the audience] Bitch!

David: If I'm so little why's she with me? Michelle: You ain' all that. Jerry: The package is shrinking even as we speak...

Ah! David has a bf. He is *not happy.*

The bf: You are gay! You are gay! Audience: YOU ARE GAY YOU ARE GAY YOU ARE GAY YOU ARE GAY!

Jerry: You say you're not gay? You're sleepin' with a guy, that sounds gay.

VO promo guy: Tap into your insanity! For your free tickets...

[---story change---]

A guy called Steve says his wife is cheating.

Valerie, the wife.

Valerie: You're afraid to look for a job, afraid somebody might give you one...

Russ, Valerie's new bf. ::blinks:: How often are two people in the same building names Russ?

This Russ has palsy.

Russ picked Valerie up at a bus stop, and took her to work:p

Jerry: Are you livin' with him? [Russ] Valerie: Yeah. Jerry: Do you live near the bus stop? Audience: [laughs] Valerie: [grins at him] Jerry: I got a thousand of'em...

Steve: I'll give you a divorce, but not to marry him. Valerie: I'll get a divorce. This is America, I'll get a divorce one way or the other.

::frowns:: Special news report... on the Anthrax thing...

"We now return you to our regularly scheduled program..." Sure. Two minutes before the hour.

After a few commercials...
"We now join our regularly scheduled program, already in progress..."

[---Dave walking down hall with underwear-Russ---]

Dave says he'll give Russ his underwear if he'll wear the black lacy ones he got from the audience girl over his eye and talk to him like a pirate for five minutes. So Russ did, and Dave did. Russ complained that they weren't autographed. Steve looked at them and said, "These are Todd's! He's wearing Todd's underwear!"

2001-10-12T03:37:00.000-04:00

::look down at the last post:: Oh... well, I didn't mean to be that weirdly redundant.

---------

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Freaky Sex Stories"

I missed the beginning of the segment because I was re-heating some food... and because it didn't come on till 2:65, because of the Presidential Press Conference earlier in the evening pushing everything backward...

Dave says every time he wants to do something with his gf, "her plate is always full", Jerry's words.

Dave: I think she's cheatin' on me, is what I think the deal is.

Dave: I'm not for sure. Jerry: Well... let's let you talk to her, see if you can be... for sure...
((I *hate* "I'm not for sure"... people say it where I live. I hate it.))

Aleeta?! Did they just introduce her as Aleeta?? I had a dream a couple nights ago with a human-shaped cat named Aleeta...

Her new bf dresses the way she wants him to... in a bra and panties.

Audience: FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK!

Ha... she's taking off her bra and panties for Dave to wear...

::laughs:: Audience: PUT IT ON STEVE PUT IT ON STEVE PUT IT ON STEVE!

There's a guy in the audience wearing a big blue shirt with "hey!" in big white block letters all over it...

[---story change---]

Jessica is cheating on her husband.

Jessica: Yeah, Jerry, I'm sleepin' with another man. Jerry: That has *never* happened before on our show!

Jessica: It was the Fourth of July-- Jerry: The fireworks went off... Jessica: Yeah... he's so romantic-- Jerry: He say, 'Hey, you wanna see my sparkler'?

Patrick, the husband. Cowboy hat.

Patrick: [to the bf, who is a friend] How do you do my like dis??

Patrick: I had to squealin' like a pig lastnight! Audience: [cheers, laughs, and makes squeaky noises]

[---Q&A---]

What? Already?

Yay, the guy in the hey! shirt.

Oh... I must've missed more than I thought...

One of the security guys has glasses... doesn't that seem a bit of a hazard?

[---Final Thought---]

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Jimmy consulting a guy from a segment I missed---]

Jimmy is considering a pretty black sparkly dress. I think it would look great.

---------

Aand, a bonus, one of my first sets of Springer notes, from before I wrote them in a presentable manner;) The note about Steve Irwin is unrelated to Springer, of course.

---------

April 4-2001-3:13am--::boggles at Springer:: This guy 'became gay' because his girlfriend made him mad? 'You turned me gay!' Uh, what?

He ran to Baltimore to get away from her... heh.

"You know, I used to love you, but now I hate all women." This man is fucked...

::BOL:: Jerry: How long ago was this? [this woman's husband slept with her best friend] Woman: About two years, Jerry. Jerry: I can't believe you didn't call this show then.

The audience likes mention of 'group sex';)

::grins:: This guy keeps saying 'basically', Jerry sort of mocked him for it...

Jerry's waving his hand at the chanting audience and saying, 'Ssh, ssh.'

He's doing it again...

Steve Irwin is fast...

A woman in the audience took the mic and Jerry walked up into the audience...

2001-10-11T20:28:00.000-04:00

bubbles links to this blog.

2001-10-11T20:00:00.000-04:00

The MIT Language Identifier says it's Dutch.

The comment is "Mis nooit meer een Jerry Springer aflevering!" is the comment..."

According to travlang's Dutch-English dictionary:

mis
1. incorrect, wrong
2. mass

nooit
1. never

meer
1. accidental, additional
2. lake, loch
3. more
4. another, one more
5. else, further, more, on

aflevering
1. episode
2. exercise-book, folder, notebook
3. delivery

And it doesn't list "een"... so, umm... I can't decipher that. Any Dutch-speakers wanna translate for me, please? mistacat@lyekka.com

2001-10-11T18:59:00.000-04:00

The tracker says Eww,Gene!com links to here; thanks. Sorry I don't have screenshots, but some other sites do;)

:Punky.com:Log de plume also links here, and quotes a bit, but the comments are in another language... I'm looking for the language guesser...

2001-10-10T03:06:00.000-04:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Steve to the Rescue II" Ooooooo!!

This woman's niece is with "a very very bad man"...

SpringerCam, they're at the niece's house.

SpringerCam, Guy: Bring Jerry Springer's ass in here!

SpringerCam, guy: Now you get that damn Jerry Springer Show outta my house!

SpringerCam, Guy: Oh, you're back. What'd you do, bring Big Bad Jerry Springer? Woman: No, I brought Big. Bad. Steve!

Steve is being scaaary. Cooool.

Steve has a cool accent.

Ooo, and he's wearing cool fingerless gloves...

Audience: STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE!

Roger, the guy.

Roger: ...and because you brought me on this show, it's gonna be ten times worse! Audience: YOU SUCK YOU SUCK YOU SUCK YOU SUCK!

Audience: SIT'EM DOWN, STEVE SIT'EM DOWN, STEVE!

Steve has a clip-on mic, cool.

::laughs madly:: Oh, *yeah.* Jerry: [to Roger] You stay in your seat, because you don't want me comin' up there!

Roger: [to the woman] You slut! Jerry: [stage-whispers to the audience] Is he lookin' at me?

[---story change---]

Jenny's daughter is sleeping with her husband.

Jenny: I don't know what to do! Lone audience person: KICK HER ASS!

SpringerCam, cab guy: Please, please, not swearing in my cab.

The cabbie is not happy. He's throwing them out of his cab.

Audience: SICKO SICKO SICKO SICKO SICKO!

Audience: HO-HO HO-HO HO-HO HO-HO!

[---story change---]

Cindy is torn between two men.

Jerry: She wanted Dick, but she settled for Bob...

Robert, and Chris, the two men...

Chris: Her parents want her to be with Arkansas Bob there! Jerry: I thought it was Arkansas Bill?

[---Q&A---]

Audience guy: To the guy on the end (from the first segment), there... if you had your girl trained so well, why didn't you have her shave your back?

Audience woman: Can I hug Todd? Jerry: Sure--Todd?! Yeah! [She goes to hug Todd] Audience: TODD'S A WHORE TODD'S A WHORE TODD'S A WHORE! Jerry: That makes, what, four years in a row Todd's been hugged?

Someone hugged Steve, so the audience chanted STEVE'S A WHORE... and Steve said, "Richard isn't even there." I'm wondering what significance that has...

"Are you brave enough to journey into the lost realm of Jerry's World?" The VO promo guy. Hehe.

[---Final Thought---]

"Men and girls who are father and daughter can only be that: father and daughter. They have to find their dates elsewhere."

"Take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Steve banging on a stage door---]

Todd's inside, he won't come out because he doesn't get many hugs.

::laughs hysterically:: Steve called for the battering ram. Some other security guys brought *Dave* in, on a dolly, and one tipped him forward into the arms of Steve and the other guys. They used *Dave* as a battering ram! They *hit his head* on the door until Todd opened it! ::laughs wildly:: Then they all cracked up...

2001-10-09T01:01:00.000-04:00

My laptop is fixed! But the desktop isn't. Sigh.

My head is killing me.

Odd search strings in the tracker:

see Jerry Springer show.com, particularly strange because "site:jerryspringer.blogspot.com" is in the url...

angela is a whore

dirty dave show

threesome statistics

Heh. People sure are weird.

2001-10-04T03:19:00.000-04:00

I am now on indefinite leave, I think. Because my computer is evil and is being taken in to the shop tomorrow; who knows how long they'll keep it. Under such circumstances, I would normally use my laptop, but it's broken, too:p Grr.

---------
JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Wedding Day Disasters"

Beba's best friend (also cousin) is sleeping with her bf.

Beba: She's trailer park trash! Big-time trash! Jerry: [grins] Well, there's no place for that on *our* show.

Frannie, the cousin/best friend.

Frannie says she's going to marry James, right now.

Jerry: [to the semi-naked Frannie] Well, the good news is, your lingerie matches our chairs.

Jerry: What's that tattoo say? Frannie: [pulls her bra down to reveal the whole tattoo and runs at Jerry] Jerry: [runs away into the audience] I'll take your word for it, just tell me what it says.

Jerry: I'm gonna personally beg you not to rip anything else off.

Here's James.

James says he doesn't love Beba.

Beba is holding the Rev's leg, trying to make him not perform the wedding.

[---story change---]

Tiffany, who is wearing a wedding dress, says no secret will change her mind about wanting to marry Brian.

We'll see.

Brian walks out in a wedding dress. Tiffany: Oh, no! Oh, *hell* no! *Hell* no!

Brian says he's gay.

Tiffany: Hell no! This ain't sexy!

Tiffany ran offstage, so now she and Jerry are sitting down somewhere backstage.

Brian's bf didn't know about Tiffany, and he is *not* happy.

Tiffany: My mama is watchin' this show!

[---story change---]

Ew, Billie is fat and ugly.

Billie wants to marry her bf even though he's sleeping with her best friend.

Jerry: Does he *know* that you two're gonna get married? Billie: Hey, this is Jerry, he's gonna find out. Jerry: I can't tell you how proud of alla this I am.

Billie's best friend is named Tiffany, as well.

Billie's dress isn't zipped up the back...

Audience guy: Whore! Another audience guy: Cow!!

Audience: FAT WHORE FAT WHORE FAT WHORE FAT WHORE!

Jerry: Alright, here he is... he's been watching backstage, here's... Arrrrkim.
((Arkim??))

Arkim: Hey, that's strictly Monica Lewinsky! Audience: MONICA MONICA MONICA MONICA! WE LOVE DEMOCRATS WE LOVE DEMOCRATS WE LOVE DEMOCRATS! VOTE FOR JERRY VOTE FOR JERRY VOTE FOR JERRY!

Tiffany is shaking.

Arkim: Back off, fatass!

Billie is walking around backstage, being followed by a camera. She keeps waving at it.

[---story change---]

Jerry: Please meet... Earrrl.

Earl wants to marry his gf.

Jerry: And there's no church in the neighbourhood, so you figure you'll come to the Jerry Springer Show...

Jenny, not the gf, is here to tell Earl why he's here.

Jenny is dating Earl's gf.

Earl: She never told me! She likes Chuckie! Audience: CHUCKIE CHUCKIE CHUCKIE! Jerry: Chuckie's about to be unlucky... Earl: Now, that's not funny.

Rebecca, the gf.

Oh, she's spelled Jennie.

Audience: WHORE! Rebecca: Kiss my aaaaaaaaass!

Audience: THREESOME THREESOME THREESOME! WE WANT A THREESOME WE WANT A THREE WE WANT A THREESOME! Earl: Hey, can I get a threesome? I want a threesome!

[---Q&A---]

The first Tiffany announced that she is now single, and went into the audience and sat with a woman. Audience: WE LOVE LESBIANS WE LOVE LESBIANS WE LOVE LESBIANS! Jerry: So you decided to like girls now? Tiffany: I might as well!

Audience woman: Everyone in my family knows how much I love your show, Jerry, and I want to thank my grandkids for bringing me here! Jerry: Do you understand that the tickets are free?

Audience: [to three audience women] MARRY STEVE MARRY STEVE MARRY STEVE! FOURSOME WITH STEVE FOURSOME WITH STEVE FOURSOME WITH STEVE!

Audience guy: I'm just curious, who is this Chuckie and where is he? Audience: WE LOVE CHUCKIE WE LOVE CHUCKIE WE LOVE CHUCKIE! Earl: I can't bring out Chuckie...

[---Final Thought---]

"Take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Security guys all making bets---]

They're betting on a sumo fight between Frannie and Billie.

2001-10-02T22:33:00.000-04:00

I was just watching The Naked Chef, and at the end, Jamie Oliver said, "If I were Jerry Springer, I'd say, take care of yourself." Hehehehe.

2001-10-02T03:02:00.000-04:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Steeeve...

"Dumped...On Springer"

Michele says her bf has dumped her for the last time.

Ohhh... Michele has a dump-truck full of manure. I think I've blogged this episode, and so has my mother...

Jerry: That... was really cow dung? Michele: Yes sir it sure is.

Morgan, Michele's bf's gf.

*Oh!* I think this is the first episode I ever saw! There's a woman in the audience with Andy Warhol hair.

Heh. Morgan put her shirt back on. Audience: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

[---story change---]

Rosa's bf is cheating.

Rosa: Me an' her started fightin'. Audience: [cheers] Jerry: We have to say that we officially disapprove of such behaviour. ((paraphrase)) Audience: [boooos]

Denise, the bf's gf.

Jerry: Okay, we got... two hos is a ho-ho.

Whoa... there's an outline of Denise's face, sort of, on Steve's shirt. Because her makeup rubbed off when she ran into him.

Marcus, the guy.

Steve: [to Marcus] Take a deep breath.

[---story change---]

Dena says her bf doesn't understand what she needs.

Dena is bisexual. The audience is happy.

Brian, the bf.

Melinda, Dena's new gf.

[---Q&A---]

A woman asked one of the guys if he respects his penis, because he isn't gonna have it long if he keeps sleeping with everything. Audience: RESPECT YOUR [BEEP; PENIS]

Audience: GO TO ROSIE GO TO ROSIE GO TO ROSIE!

[---Final Thought---]

"The heart is nothing to play with."

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Steve and the woman who's makeup rubbed off on Steve's shirt---]

Todd drew a picture on another security guy's shirt. A sort of square face-shape, representing himself.

2001-10-02T01:55:00.000-04:00

This is from a couple days ago, because my computer is *evil* and wouldn't let me get to blogger. Then the days after that, I was just lazy. Um. Sorry.

---------

JERRY JERRY JERRY!

Steeeeve...

"Engagements Explode"

Jerry: Aww, what a nice audience! Audience: [cheers] Jerry: We're having such a good time, they ought to televise this!

Crystal is disgusted that she, herself, cheated on her fiancee.

Crystal: Y'all can't be booin' me, you all paid to come to this show! Jerry: No, they didn't pay... frankly, I think a lot of these people snuck in.

Crystal slept with her cousin, for money.

Here's the cousin. Audience: YOU SUCK YOU SUCK YOU SUCK! Cousin: *YOU* SUCK *YOU* SUCK *YOU* SUCK! Jerry: Bobby, the reason they're, obviously, saying that is... why're you sleepin' with your cousin? Bobby: I love'er.

Wayne, the fiancee.

Crystal: I'm here, I watch the Springer Show 24/7, and when the cousins come on, I say, that's disgusting. Audience: [laughs] Jerry: I'm sorry...

[---story change---]

Tiffany and Nikia are both here to find something out.

Jerry: The person who brought you here doesn't want to tell you in person... well, he will in a while, that's why we've got the [third] chair, and they're very expensive, as you know.

Their bf was very evil, telling them, on the SpringerCam.

Jerry: This guy... uh... this... um... this guy... uhh... this guy's a real ass[beep; hole].

JB, the guy.

Whoa, Tiffany is *tall.*

WTH? JB wants Nikia back. After calling her names on the SpringerCam, he wants to apologize to her and have her back.

[---story change---]

Vinnie is sleeping with his best friend's fiancee.

Joey, the best friend.

Vinnie won't stop grinning, but Joey is shaking. Hrmm.

Joey: You been my best friend for six freakin' years, how could you do this to me? Vinnie: C'mon, man, it ain't that bad, is it?

Steve, after breaking up a fight: [to Vinnie] He starts chargin', you run the other way.

Here's the fiancee. She seems to be angry with Joey.

[---Q&A---]

Audience lady: [to Jerry] Happy New Year.

Audience girl hugs Steve...

The last two audience people seemed to be drunk. Jerry: Todd, what, what time does the bar close?

[---Final Thought---]

"Sadly, love just *isn't* enough."

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Crystal and her fiancee---]

2001-09-28T14:17:00.000-04:00

I've added a message board, mostly because I can't figure out if there's a blog comments system that works with blogspot.

2001-09-28T14:05:00.000-04:00

I'm up for the 1pm Springer, and, heyyy, it's new season! Yay.

------

Ooooooo, new season! Trash-filled alley opening sequence;p

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Mom Stole My Man"

Angie has been sleeping with her son's gay lover for about two months now.

Audience: WHORE WHORE WHORE WHORE! Angie: That's me!

Angie: If you son was sleeping with a man, wouldn't you do all you could to prevent him was doin' it? Jerry: I can honestly say that if I had a son, and my son had a gay lover, I would not sleep with him.

Angie: One day we [her and the gay lover] were watchin' your show... Jerry: Oh, fine, blame it on us. Angie: The show was about a mother and... [something] So we say, okay, let's do it, let's get jiggy wid it. Jerry: If we had that guy who married his horse, would you suddenly say, 'heyyy, let's go get a horse!'?

Angie: No offense, Steve, but God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. Audience: STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE! Jerry: Well help me out, then, who created Steve?

His name is Elton! The son's name is Elton!

Angie and Elton are yelling at eachother.
Jerry: This is pathetic.

Rodney, the bf.

Rodney: [to Elton] She's more of a man than you are!

::laughs:: Promo: You'll laugh, you'll cry, but mostly you'll just be glad you don't work on this stupid show.

Rodney: I love your mother. She's more of a man than you'll ever be, I wanna be with her.
((Heheheheh, where else can you hear lines like this?))

Jerry: You have a husband... Angie: Yes. Jerry: Does he know anything about this? Angie: No, but bein' as this is the Springer Show, I guess he does now.

::blinks:: Angie's husband has said "fag" twice, and they beeped it the second time. Why?

Rodney looks a bit like a tall Sonny Bono.

[---story change---]

Dana says he soul mate has been under her nose her whole life.

Ah. Her sister.

The audience is not pleased.

Audience: INCEST WHORE INCEST WHORE INCEST WHORE INCEST WHORE! Dana: I got yer whore, I got yer whore... whatever, whatever...

She is *not* allowed to be named Dana.

WTF? Giant blue "KLUMP!" screen as the sister's fiancee comes out... that's. Icky.

::blinks:: The sister is saying "I love you *as* a sister, but not in that way"... er, so... why? Why did you do it?

The sister: I wanted to experiment, so who more to do it with than my sister?
((*What?*))

Lisa, the sister.

Dana: How can you sleep with someone who doesn't even take a bath?? Lisa: [long pause] I don't know, it's kinda hard, but I do it.

((paraphrase))
Dana: No. You're stayin' with me. Lisa: No I'm not! Jerry: Well, she's gonna hafta consent--what'll you do, tie her down? Dana: [starts grinning] Jerry: Does--does that take place? Do you tie her down? Dana: [big grin] Sure, I'll tie 'er down!
((/paraphrase))

Audience: [to Lisa] GET ON YOUR KNEES GET ON YOUR KNEES GET ON YOUR KNEES! Lisa: [does so] Audience: KISS HIS FEET KISS HIS FEET KISS HIS FEET! Lisa: [stands up] Audience: BOOOOO! Jerry: [to the audience] If she's already on her knees, why do you think kissing the *feet* will do it? Audience: [laughs] Jerry: That's a waste of a good position...

[---story change---]

Aneatha?

Aneatha: I've been through 21 marriages. Jerry: You've WHAT? You've had 21 marriages?? Aneatha: Yes.

Aneatha has a lot of hair.

Aneatha is sleeping with her daughter's bf.

Jerry: 21 husbands isn't enough, you now gotta have her boyfriend?

The daughter: You have no right to do this to me. Aneatha: I reckon I do.
((Heh. "Reckon". Common word where I live.))

Aneatha and the daughter took their clothes off and yelled at eachother for a while. Jerry: [breaking in] First of all, let me apologize for having clothing on.

Aneatha: Life don't evolve around you, Michelle!
((Evolve?))

Aneatha: [to Michelle] You're plum ignernt!
((::snickers::))

Charlie, the bf.

Charlie doesn't want either one of them. And he has a new gf.

Erin, the new gf.

[---Q&A---]

Audience guy: This doesn't have anything to do with the show, but I'm goin' bowling tonight, Jerry, can I wear them shoes please? Jerry: [annoyed-sounding] Yeah, and when you go swimming you can wear my thong. Audience: LET'S SEE LET'S SEE LET'S SEE LET'S SEE! Jerry: You'll just have to watch Baywatch.

An audience guy told Elton to be a proud gay man, like him, and the audience made them kiss. Heheh. Then the guy tried to kiss Jerry;)

[---Final Thought---]

"In love a heart can never be stolen. It only goes where it wants to."

"Take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Aneatha---]

Discussing her 21 marriages.

Hehehehe, the trashed alley closing sequence...

2001-09-27T03:04:00.000-04:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Bizarre Secret Lovers"

Jerry: A while back, we had a guy who had an unusual sex fetish... he liked to be a dog for one day a month. Audience: [cheers and barks] Jerry: You know what's shameful? Some of you remember that.

They've brought this man back because a blind woman has him being her seeing eye dog.

SpringerCam, the blind woman and her human seeing eye dog are being thrown out of lots of places... but no one's saying, "That's not a dog."

The dog-guy is chasing Jerry. Mean.

Audience: SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT BAD DOG BAD DOG BAD DOG BAD DOG!

Deanna, the blind woman.

Chris, the guy. "Chris is Deanne's seeing-eye dog", says the pop-up. Heheh.

Jerry: I'm just thinkin', what if someone's at home just tuning us in? How do you explain this?

Deanna: [to the audience] You're just jealous cos you ain't gettin' none! Audience person: [yells] We don't want none!

Deanna's other bf: [screams insanely] Steve: [grinning] Relax, man.

Shannon, the bf. "Shannon just found out his girlfriend is cheating on him with a man who acts like a dog.", say the popup

Chris: [to Shannon] Hey, I may be a freak, but I'm a freak with *your* woman!

Muffin. Chris is known as Muffin.

[---story change---]

Jeanne is sick of her friend ruining her life.

Jeanne: Ileen does not know how to keep her... thing... in her pants. She's constantly sleeping with my boyfriends. It's not the first time she's done it. Jerry: Why has she got a thing in her pants?

Jerry: Why does she keep sleeping with your men? Jeanne: She must like the taste of my--[makes a face, stops] Audience: [makes many shocked faces and cheers]

Ileen: Hi, Jerry. Jerry: Hi. Ileen: How're you? Jerry: I happen to be fine, thank you for enquiring.

Dave, the bf.

[---story change---]

Roxanne suspects her bf of cheating.

Roxanne: I'm on your show, and when I'm on your show, I know something's wrong.
((How often are you on Jerry's show, Roxanne?))

Dale, the bf.

Liza, Dale's new gf.

[---Q&A---]

Audience guy: [sings] Kibbles and bits and bits and BITS!

Audience guy: [to pencil-thin Ileen] I clean my *ears* witchoo!
((Hehehe, I'll have to remember that one.))

Audience lady for Steve's head, ::grins::

[---Final Thought---]

"Let's face it, to be on our show, your story has to be pretty outrageous."

"I'm not saying that normal behaviour doesn't belong on tv, it just doesn't belong on *our* show."

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Steve sitting reading Jerry's book, eating a sandwich---]

Steve: Aww, Jerry left out all the best parts...

Another security guy ran up to Steve, yelling that there was a big fight. He led Steve down a couple halls, where they come upon... Todd, treed by Chris, on a high shelf. Todd is hissing and rrreowing at Chris, and Chris is barking. Steve got Chris to go away, then helped Todd down, saying, "Good kitty";p

2001-09-26T03:06:00.000-04:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Bizarre Love Stories"

Eeeee, it's Kenny the half man thing. He scares me, I'm not gonna watch this segment.

The guy behind the studio camera, the one at the very back, was chanting and waving his arm...

I'll direct you to the 8/29/01 post, for notes on this episode.

2001-09-25T03:15:00.000-04:00

I've d/led a new e-mail client, so I can check my mail now. Anyone is free to email me--mistacat@lyekka.com.

Got another guestbook entry (which, strangely, did not show up in the guestbook, but was auto-mailed to me) from a Show guest. Rick? I'll watch for your episode, to verify your reality;) Would you like to send me some exclusive notes?

---------

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Forbidden Lovers"

Linda is sleeping with her soninlaw.

I've seen this one...

SpringerCam, Linda: Suck my toes. Soninlaw: I don't wanna suck your toes!

Audience: SICKENING WHORE SICKENING WHORE SICKENING WHORE!

Kelly, the daughter.

Kelly: [to Linda] You're callin' *me* the whore?! *You're* the whore!!

Linda: She's [Kelly] came between me and every boyfriend I've had!
((I *hate* it when people use "came" incorrectly.))

Linda: How's it make you feel your old man went to *bed* with me and made passionate looove? Kelly: It makes me feel like whoopin' yer ass!

The soninlaw: ...she started feelin' of me...
((That's one of the weirdest phrases. To "feel of" something. It's said where I live, commonly.))

Audience: KISS HER FEET KISS HER FEET KISS HER FEET! [Soninlaw kisses Kelly's feet.] Audience guy: KISS JERRY'S FEET! Audience: KISS JERRY'S FEET KISS JERRY'S FEET KISS JERRY'S FEET! Audience guy: KISS STEVE'S HEAD! Audience: KISS STEVE'S HEAD KISS STEVE'S HEAD KISS STEVE'S HEAD!

Audience: [to the soninlaw] JUST SAY NO JUST SAY NO JUST SAY NO JUST SAY NO!

[---story change---]

Christy's bf is sleeping with her friend.

Shawna, the friend.

Christy: HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME, HUH?? Shawna: COS I FELT LIKE IT!

Bill, the bf.

Audience: BARK LIKE A DOG! BARK LIKE A DOG! BARK LIKE A DOG! Jerry: [barks twice]

((I turned closed captioning on, and there's something wrong with it. It's saying things like:

"eahre ytne"
"Ã³hat/wh y tol w,"
"i wis wgie"
"thhrti i"
"onne! do es!"
"ed it on se sak oeaereri lovyo d s t h>>t"
"her?theronnkeje d"
"doue o"
"doue o etan"
"ouay s h e"
"en: jey!"
"opppry!"
"en: jey! opinouo! yo o b"
"on, h|d"
"crl he heruhi l, whlith u k e]"
"t,ouay to,"
"ytoesusthal"

An alien transmission, perhaps.))

Eeeee, the promo just said Kenny-the-half-guy will be on the next episode... he scares me...

[---story change---]

Emilie has waited long enough for her bf to make a decision.

William, the bf.

Jerry: Why [are you tired of her after ten years]? William: Let me go with you for ten years! Audience: [cheers] JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY!

Jerry: If you think you'll cheat on her, smile. William: [purposefully does not smile]

[---Q&A---]

Jerry: [moving back and forth through the audience] Can't people raise their hands on the same side of the room? I'll have a heart attack.

[---Final Thought---]

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Linda---]

Linda's inviting Steve.

2001-09-23T15:13:00.000-04:00

I'm home, and back to normal Springer-watching!

My laptop is broken, though, and that's where I get my mail. Sigh.

---------

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

I'm in a bit late... it's on SpringerCam, with a fat woman going everyplace naked.

SpringerCam, video store clerk: I'd appreciate it if you wore clothes the next time you come here.

SpringerCam, young man in the store: Need a ride? Her: No, I've brought my car. Man: Aw, man!

"Bizarre Springer Stories"

Helen, the woman. She's wearing nice clothes... but she says the lights are hot and she's uncomfortable, so she's taking the clothes off;)

Heheheh, she chased Jerry all around backstage. Audience: JERRY'S A CHICKEN JERRY'S A CHICKEN!

Jerry: For those of you who just joined us... I don't know what to tell you, I don't know what you missed...

Jerry: And she, uh... chased me down the hall. This is the first time I've ever run away from a naked woman.

Helen's son Chris is very, very unhappy.

Chris: I'm not known as Chris, oh no! I'm known as the naked fat lady's kid! Audience: NAKED FAT LADY'S KID NAKED FAT LADY'S KID NAKED FAT LADY'S KID!
((I think that's the long sentence I've ever heard the audience chant.))

[---story change---]

This is... a man, his wife, his mistress, and their kids, all living together. I think.

SpringerCam, one of the women: Woopty-fuckin'-doo!

SpringerCam, the camera keeps going sorta out of focus

Ah... it's an *ex-husband*, a mistress, and the kids.

Michelle is the ex-wife.

Michelle: [starting to cry] I've got kids with this man... Audience: [sarcastic 'awww' and 'ohhh' and a bit of laughing] Jerry: [turns to them] Thanks for your sensitivity.

Ron, the ex-husband.

Chrissie, the other woman.

[---Q&A---]

Audience guy asked Helen if she really thinks she looks sexy. She said, "I didn't say anything about *sexy.*"

[---Final Thought---]

"In order to be on our show, there's got to be something unusual about you." [paraphrase]

"In and of itself, nudity is not ungodly."

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Helen---]

Steve: I'm usually naked at my house.

2001-09-17T22:28:00.000-04:00

Jules Asner has linked to this blog. She's a E! news person, it seems. Very cool. Thanks, Jules! I wonder if she mentioned this blog on-air?

Someone found this blog by searching "dallas car show" on Netscape search.

Getting hits from Sweden, Malaysia, the UK, Portugal, and the US Military. Hiya, people.

Got a very strange entry to the guestbook--someone who says she's Sunshine from "Shameful Showdowns", July 13 in my archives. She says she'll be on the show again. If she truly is Sunshine, would she like to do a guest blogging spot? Give me some exclusive, behind-the-scenes notes, for the previous show and the future one? If so, she can contact me at mistacat@lyekka.com.

I'm reading through the July 13 entry, and I would like to say that I make these notes quickly, during the show, and I don't proof-read.

2001-09-17T03:31:00.000-04:00

According to the tracker; strange Yahoo! search string that led to this blog: "Sunday night sex show"

2001-09-17T03:01:00.000-04:00

I've changed the blog template; I hope it looks better now.

The tracker says I'm getting hits from Sri Lanka, Brazil, and Hong Kong. Wow. Hi, people from Sri Lanka, Brazil, and Hong Kong.

2001-09-16T03:53:00.000-04:00

I've added a tracker; it's that little graphic at the very very top of the page.

Through the tracker, I've learned that people are finding this page not only through normal searches such as "jerry springer", but also the Australian Yahoo! directory for The Jerry Springer Show, and search strings such as "when a man call you a bitch". Hmmm.

2001-09-15T17:32:00.000-04:00

Due to recent events, I didn't fly home when planned. I'll be leaving Oregon by train on Tuesday, Sept 18; I'll be in Chicago (!!) two days later, and my uncle will pick me up and take me home, from there. I won't be in Chicago long enough to go to Springer:( They may not even be taping, I don't know. But, whine.

2001-09-06T01:30:00.000-04:00

More guest blogging from my mom!

And happy late-birthday, kottori, and thanks!:)

---------

What a surprise.

I didn't see the whole show, because I was falling asleep.
This is last night's show, so Sept. 5.

Transsexual Tales

Jerry started out with a little speech about couples who have kept it a
secret from their partners about their gender-bending tendencies. Something
like that.

Then he said, "I gotta tell you, when you bend your gender, that can hurt."

Brett is here to tell his girlfriend of a year that he's a woman.

Here's Shannon. Shannon doesn't take the news well. ("I'm gonna fuckin'
kill you!") Charges at him (her).

Jerry kept asking how she didn't notice he was a woman. After all, they
were together a year. She said, "He wouldn't let me touch him."

He said he handcuffed her to the headboard so she couldn't touch him.

Story change

Vanessa says there's more to her than just another pretty face. She has two
secrets to tell her boyfriend.

"One is, I'm a prostitute. The other is, I'm a man."

The audience seems abnormally shocked.

Okay, why don't we meet him. James, welcome to the show. (James is a huge
guy).

James is shocked at the news she's a prostitute.

Jerry: Don't sweat the prostitute stuff.

James: Why didn't you tell me?

Vanessa: Well, you didn't ask me at first and later it didn't seem
important.

Jerry: Oh, yeah, those are the first 2 questions you ask when you meet a
girl--are you a prostitute, and, by the way, are you a man?

JERRY, JERRY, JERRY...

The audience loved that.

That's all I have. I was sleepy.

This being a guest host on a blog is fun!
---------

2001-09-05T02:36:00.000-04:00

Yay, my mom took some Springer notes for me:) Thanks!

---------

Okay--here's the notes.

This was last night's show.

Audience: Jerry, Jerry, Jerry..

Steve comes out---STEEEEEEEEVE.....

Dumped on Springer.

Michelle says her bf has dumped her for the last time. They met on her
daddy's farm but for the last 3 months he's been dating the town whore.

They took the Springer Cam to her (the whore's) house. Michelle is driving
a dump truck full of cow manure, and dumps it on the front porch. The slut
says, " I can't believe I have to clean up this shit."

Gf comes out. All made up with skin tight clothes. Shows tits.

BF comes out. Audience gives him the loser sign.

Bf says if he told the slut to get naked and have sex right here on the
stage, she
would. That's what he likes about her. He's only interested in sex.

Audience: Let's see, Let's see.

Story change

Rosa caught bf talking to another woman on the phone, and banged him on the
head with the phone. New gf comes out. Audience: Dirty whore, dirty whore.

Jerry asked both women when was the last time they slept with him. both
said last night. Steve and other security guy (Jimmy?) had a struggle
keeping them apart.

Denise (the whore) says she's pregnant. Audience: Pregnant whore, pregnant
whore.

Rosa and the guy have 5 kids.

Rosa says if Denise keeps the baby, she's through with him. She keeps
saying it, and Jerry says something about you can't put that kind of
condition on it. That's her decision. She's pregnant, and the baby is
going to be born. Trying to talk reasonably.

Rosa: I'm telling you, if she keeps this baby, we're through.

Jerry: Well, I guess I made a lot of sense.

Story change

Dena says she's bisexual. Brian doesn't give her what she wants. She's
leaving him for her best friend.
She mooned him, and the audience chanted: All the way off, all the way off.

The audience does not like these lesbians.

Audience guy: (to Brian) Looks like the grinch done stole your Christmas,
man.

Audience guy (to farm boy): Is that the only pig you're porkin'?

That was about it. All I could write down, anyway.

---------

2001-09-02T03:08:00.000-04:00

Aaand, here's a surprise notes posting, because I just happened to watch Jerry tonight.

---------

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Mom's Marrying My Man"

Jerry: [about an audience guy] How 'bout a big hand for Eminem?

Angela's ex-bf is marrying her mother.

Jeremiah, the bf.

SpringerCam, there's a mannequin being put together in the background. It struck us funny.

She... the mother... asked Angela to be her matron of honour. Marrying her ex, and wants her to be her matron of honour.

SpringerCam, Angela: I'm not askin' you to raise me again, I'm askin' you not to marry this man!
((Are those two even *close?*))

::laughs at the weathergirl who introduces shows:: "[points at the tv] And now it's back to My Mom's Marryin' My Man!"

Here's Jeremiah, he's got a cane.

Angela: You're 26, she's *50!* Audience: [booooooos] Jerry: What's wrong with 50?!
((Awwwww! ::opens her arms:: Nothing, Jerry!))

Regina, the mother.

Regina: You don't know all that's goin' on! ((Me: So tell us! Jann: [at the same time as me] Tell us!

[---story change---]

Suzanne's bf won't accept her job, so she found someone who would.

She's an exotic dancer.

She's cheating on her bf with a woman.

Her bf says she's going to stop being a stripper. She says she isn't.

Suzanne: I'm leaving you for another woman! ((Jann: *Another* woman?))

Steve: [to Suzanne] 'Ey, 'ey, nobody's gonna punch anybody.

Steve keeps laughing.

Audience: THREESOME THREESOME THREESOME THREESOME! Jerry: I can't possibly, I've got this show to do. Audience: FOURSOME WITH JERRY FOURSOME JERRY FOURSOME WITH JERRY!

[---story change---]

Tanya's bf has a wife.

Sarah, the wife.

Jerry: Do you know her? Sarah: She's my husband's best friend. Jerry: Do you know why you're here? Sarah: No, but we're on Jerry. Audience: JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY! Jerry: And you're thinkin' that might not be good?

Tanya's pregnant.

Steve needs to shave his head. There's a shadow.

The husband: Whatchoo gonna do? Whatchoo gonna do? Sarah: I'll kick your ass, is what you're gonna do!

Sarah: I'll tell you what a dog you are. Husband: I *am* a dog! Audience: [barks]

[---Q&A---]

Audience woman: [squeaks] Ahh, Jerry, I gotta give you a hug!!! [hugs Jerry]
((That would probably be exactly how I would say that.))

Audience woman: [to Angela's mother] First of all, you are too old to be this stupid about a man!

Audience woman: [takes the mic] Jerry. Jerry? Jerry? [Jerry finally looks at her] Jerry, you took too long to get over here.

Same audience woman: [to the husband from the last segment] Why is your hair runnin' away from your forehead?

[---Final Thought---]

"Nothing is better than touching someone's heart. Just don't play with it."

"Till next time, take care of yourself, and eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Sarah and the husband---]

Sarah: This is ridiculous! I'm on the Springer show!

Sarah: I'm goin' home with Steve!

2001-09-01T04:29:00.000-04:00

Just got the first weekly statistics update from the counter--

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Weekly Statistics For Previous Week
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Jerry Springer Show Notes had a total of 811 visitors last week.

Visitors for last week divided per weekday:
2001-08-23: 103
2001-08-24: 133
2001-08-25: 92
2001-08-26: 109
2001-08-27: 114
2001-08-28: 134
2001-08-29: 126
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Very cool.

2001-08-31T23:46:00.000-04:00

1073 hits! Yayayay! Thank you, all you people. Sign the guestbook, eh? I wanna know if you're coming here from searches or Entertainment Weekly or if you're regulars, or what...

I wish to complain about the cosmic forces: I found every August issue of EW, in a magazine store, *except* the one this blog should be listed in. Arg.

2001-08-31T16:27:00.000-04:00

Just got a Springer update from my mom:

"You missed a good Springer. Someone sort of knocked Steve backward, and the audience chanted, Take it easy, Steve. Then Jerry had him sit down and two girls put a quilt over him and sat with him. Then he got up and Jerry gave him the microphone and Jerry sat down. Steve started doing Jerry's job. At one point he said, "This is easy." It was really funny."

Bah. Bah, I say. *I* wanna see Steve hosting!

2001-08-29T01:51:00.000-04:00

Well, that was an interesting show to go out on. Today begins my two-week hiatus; I'm visiting a friend in Oregon and I don't even know if her FOX runs Springer... and I'll likely be too busy, anyway. I may, however, end up watching an episode or two, and if I do, I will take notes. I've been getting around 100 hits a day, it seems, and I don't want to disappoint anyone.

---------

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Bizarre Love Stories"

This guy's gf is cheating... he took the SpringerCam there.

Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! It's the scary half-person!! He freaks me out...

SpringerCam, the guy: He's in the bed with my girl, and he doesn't even have...

I hope Jerry asks why this guy's like that...

Sharon, the gf.

Chris, the guy.

Chris: He's like a walkin' end-table!

Kenny, the half-person.

WTH?? Jerry didn't ask why Kenny is like that! Does anyone know how someone can be half a person? Not just missing the legs, but missing part of the torso?

[---story change---]

Lance is tired of his lover.

Lance is a "reflexaphile"... he says he enjoys vomitting on his lovers during sex. The audience is repulsed.

Jerry: Have you sought psychiatric help?

Darla, his gf. She doesn't like this.

Jerry: Darla, welcome to the show... I can understand your delimna.

Lance: There is nothin' sick about it...

Neesie, the new gf.

Jerry: Your name is... is Neesie? Neesie: Neesie [beep; her name]. Jerry: What's wrong with you?

Jerry: [to the audience] What's the difference what I ask?

Lance just threw up on Neesie, then headed for the audience... we didn't get to see it (thank god), but the audience's reaction was priceless.

Audience: STUPID LOSERS STUPID LOSERS STUPID LOSERS!

Jerry: [to Neesie] This is ridiculous... and by the way, you look very nice. We'll be back. [signals for break]

[---story change---]

Taz says his gf doesn't know the meaning of love.

Christy, the gf.

He eats food off his new gf.

Jerry: If you've just joined us... this... this is weird.

Laurie, the new gf.

[---Q&A---]

Audience guy: Jerry for President, yeah!

Lance threw up again. Jimmy-the-security-guy ran away. Jerry: We've lost Jimmy. Audience: GO FIND JIMMY! GO FIND JIMMY! JIMMY ROCKS JIMMY ROCKS JIMMY ROCKS! [Jimmy comes back.] Audience: JIMMY JIMMY JIMMY JIMMY!

Promo: A guy: I may be a freak, but I'm a freak with your woman!

[---Final Thought---]

"Take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Dave walking down hall with Kenny---]

Kenny says walking on his hands doesn't hurt.

Aaarg! Dave didn't ask why Kenny's like that!

2001-08-26T03:05:00.000-04:00

Oh, yay. A guestbook entry:) Hallo, Jennifer.

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Whoa, Jerry's wearing a bright blue shirt.

"My Fiancee's a Cheater"

Tim's gf is cheating.

Tim: ...but today I'm here on your show, and I know that can't be good...

I declare that Tim isn't allowed to be named Tim.

Tim: The only people I see get married on your show is midgets. Jerry: Well, how tall are you?

SpringerCam, the gf yelling at Tim's cousin to stop coming to her club

::laughs at a Miss Cleo commercial:: "His dysfunction from his family when he was a child was extreme."

Mike, the cousin.

Nicole, the gf. She's too pretty to be on Springer.

There's a guy with an eyepatch, in the audience!

Tim says poh-leece. I love that.

Nicole: [to Mike] You. Stay. Away!

Jerry: You told the poh-leece to go away?

Jerry: I don't wanna stand too close...

[---story change---]

Anthony's gf is cheating on him with his friend.

Anthony has yet to make a grammatical error; is he a true Springer guest?

SpringerCam, in a subway; there are three panels on the wall that say "it's?.", "...", and "It's".

Whoa, someone in the audience has a Madonna piercing. Or is that Medusa? The upper-lip/cheek beautymark piercing.

Walter, the new guy. He has cool hair.

Walter: If you kiss this girl's *ear* her legs fly open! Jerry: Why don't you try that, Todd?

Walter: She's like a bitch in heat, tryin' to have her puppies under someone else's porch!

[---Q&A---]

Tim: I did cheat on her, it was a one time thing, it was an accident. ((Me: What?? Where'd you mean to put it? Her purse?)) Jerry: It was an accident? What, did you trip?

Pregnant audience chick: This is for Steve, I want you to rub my belly while I rub your head. [So he does.] Jerry: [standing with an audience guy] Uh, Steve, if you'd just rub his belly-- The guy: I don'play dat.

While I turned away to type "[---Final Thought---]", Jann reported that they showed a closeup of the guy with the eyepatch.

[---Final Thought---]

"Take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Tim walking down hall with Nicole, Steve walking behind them---]

2001-08-25T02:05:00.000-04:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Shocking Springer Stories"

This woman has been married for 30 years, and is now cheating.

Audience guy: OLD SCHOOL WHORE! The audience didn't pick up the chant.

Jerry: With these--with--[laughs] Jerry's a whore, right. Audience: JERRY'S A WHORE JERRY'S A WHORE JERRY'S A WHORE! Jerry: Duuuuh. Aaaand? [laughs] Oh, that's a revelation.

She's been cheating for six years.

Frank, the husband.

Frank: I was told I was an invited guest. Jerry: Well... you gotta good seat. [laughing] An invited guest...

Frank: [to his wife] You. Just. Suck!

"Do you have an unusual lifestyle that shocks your friends and family? Is so, call 1-800-96-JERRY."

Peter, the bf.

Nicola, her.

Nicola: He [Peter] gives it [sex] freely! Audience: DO IT NOW DO IT NOW DO IT NOW! Jerry: Beee careful what you wish for...

Nicola: I want my independance with someone who supports and loves me! Jerry: Yoouu don't see this drama on other shows.

Nicola: I love this man! And ya know what, if you don't like it, you can kiss my big ass! Audience: [boos, cheers, makes odd noises] Jerry: Okay, we're gonna hafta form a line for this...

Frank: You told me you been doin' this for six years and now you *really* suck! Audience: YOU REALLY SUCK YOU REALLY SUCK YOU REALLY SUCK! Jerry: Well, maybe if you did, the marriage would still be goin'...

Jerry: This is over, you're gon' leave him and marry him? Nicola: Yes. Frank: I don' know how you're gonna do that! The church doesn't recognize divorce!

[---story change---]

Micky's gf is cheating.

Micky: ...the professional digital camera that you got. Richard: [laughs]

SpringerCam, Weird parody of a poorly dubbed Chinese film... "Micky and Pao in Spring-roll Surprise!"

Ling, the gf.

Ling: He treated me terrible-ey.

[Micky, Ling, and Pao scream at eachother in Chinese for a while. Jerry gets bored of it and says, "That's easy for you to say."]

The closed captioning says "[SPEAKING CHINESE]"

[---story change---]

Jerry: Virginia says she's the queen of trailer-trashing. [Audience cheeeers.] Jerry: What better show than ours to be on?

Her bf is cheating.

Virginia: I am gon' take this bulldozer and bust down that damn trailer roof.

Her bf ran out of the trailer, carrying a fish bowl...

Heheh, I love the episodes where they tear things up.

The closed captioning said, "Now where you gon' store that cow at?" But she said screw. Not store.

Virginia: Take your nasty whore, gimme my goldfish, the wedding's off.

"Virginia's upsell the", says the CC. Jerry really said, "Virginia's upset, here."

Stephanie, the bf's gf.

"Bhoip", says CC. I have no idea.

Audience: TRAILER WHORE TRAILER WHORE TRAILER WHORE!

Dustin, the bf.

Jerry: What's goin' on? Dustin: Jerry, I made a mistake. I know I made a mistake. Stephanie: What you mean you made a mistake?!

Virginia: In your wet dreams you wisht I'd take your sorry ass back!

Dustin I don't love any woman! Audience: ARE YOU GAY ARE YOU GAY ARE YOU GAY? Dustin: I'm all man, Jerry!

[---Q&A---]

A British audience guy: To Nicola, I can't believe your husband's that controlling, if he were, he wouldn't let you leave the house with your hair lookin' like that.

"Cucumber ho"...

Audience woman: Frank, my brother says he'll whip that boy's ass for you! Audience: DO IT FOR FRANK DO IT FOR FRANK!

[---Final Thought---]

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Dave walking down hall with Pao---]

Dave's asking questions in English and Pao is answering in Chinese... they beeped some Chinese thing and Dave said, "You can't say that on tv."

2001-08-24T01:04:00.000-04:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Steeeeeve!

Someone in the audience with Andy Warhol hair.

"Ladies and gentleman, please welcome the eighth wonder of the world, Jerry W. Springer!"

"Pregnant Sex Scandals"

Jerry: Part of the wonder of being pregnant--how would I know that?

Jerry: ...pregnant sex scandals! Audience: [cheers and cheers] Jerry: I knew that would make you happy!
((Jann: [laughs]))

SpringerCam, lady: All right, Jerry, listen up!

SpringerCam, same lady: And Steve, you better be up on that stage!

Her husband is sleeping with her cousin.

SpringerCam, the cousin: You mean I'm naked on Jerry Springer Show??
((Jann: Well, no. You're wearing a blanket on the Jerry Springer Show.))

SpringerCam, the husband: What's wrong with you?? Her: WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?! YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH MY COUSIN!!

Mary, the wife.

Mary: He says they were talkin' about Christmas presents. Audience guy: TIS THE SEASON!

Audience: SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT!! Jerry: Thank you very much.

Bill, the husband: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! Audience: [jeers and boos and screams] Bill: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT!
((Jann: That's... not gonna help.))

Elizabeth, the cousin.

Elizabeth is married.

...to Bill's twin brother.

The brother: Steve, you better come with us on the plane, cuz I'm gonna kick his ass on the way!!!

Mary: I don't think I pushed him through the [beep; fucking] kitchen door and said, "Bill! Go sleep with Elizabeth now!"

Jerry: Mary is married to Bill, who is cheating on her with Elizabeth, who is Mary's cousin. And Elizabeth is married to Bob, who is Bill's twin brother! This sounds like the Jerry Springer Show!

Jerry: Are you, are you... are you all living together? Bob: We was. Jerry: Well, there's your problem.

Bill: I'm in a relationship with your mouth! Jerry: You may be in a relationship with her mouth, but that's not how she got pregnant...

Jerry's in all black. Nice.

[---story change---]

Katie is cheating on her bf with another woman.

Jerry: How was the plane ride? The bf: Fine, sir. Scary. Jerry: Scary? Heh. [laughs a bit]

Katie's gf's bf is happy.

[---Q&A---]

I hate the people who say "You don't know anything about my situation!!" You, uh, you just came on tv and told us all about your situation. So we feel we have the right to comment on it.

[---Final Thought---]

"Take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Katie's gf's bf---]

Steve: ...you're the first guy who was happy about it!

2001-08-23T13:21:00.000-04:00

Oookay, it wasn't showing the links for the archives, but I fixed that. There. And, wow. ::points down at the counter:: 55 hits since 5am, two of which are me.

2001-08-23T04:59:00.000-04:00

Okay, I'm skimming an article on Entertainment Weekly, right? Having surfed over to check out its mention of Neil Gaiman. And I find this:

"Free Web tools such as Blogger allow easy publishing of 24/7 Net diaries, including at least one daily log of reactions to Jerry Springer."

And it links to this blog. *Wow.* I am in shock.

2001-08-22T01:06:00.000-04:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY....

"Invasion of the Little People II", which is weird because I had a dream lastnight that this girl I knew six years ago was a dwarf.

Jerry: Why're you cheating on her? Jason: [calmly] Sex.

Lynette, Jason's gf.

Audience: GO GET MARRIED GO GET MARRIED (or perhaps DON'T GET MARRIED, Jann and I can't decide) Jerry: Aww, c'mon, we bought the cake!

The person Jason was cheating on Lynette with poured punch over the rev. "You can't get married! Look at your reverand now!"
((Me: What? He can still do it... punch does not disable him... Jann: It does not make him melt.))

[---story change---]

Audience: LITTLE WHORE LITTLE WHORE LITTLE WHORE!

The little whore's bf, to her pimp: How 'bout I lose my foot up your ass?

She has a valley girl accent, it's awful.

[---story change---]

Jerry: So you don't know why you're here? Guy: Well it can't be good, it's the Springer show...

Uh! The little person in this story threw food at another guy, and hit Jerry with it.

Guy: That's not a man! That's a Keebler Elf! ((Me: I wonder why they felt the need to prefix that with 'Keebler'.)) Audience: KEEBLER ELF KEEBLER ELF KEEBLER ELF! ((Jann: [laughing] So the audience could chant it.))

[---story change---]

The... the Something. This guy's name.

[---Q&A---]

Audience lady: I just gotta say to all these dwarves, HI-HO HI-HO HI-HO YOU A HO WHEREVER YOU GO! Audience: HI HO HI HO HI HO HI HO!

Audience guy: I think I speak for all of America when I say, how does a half pint like you end up with a gallon and a half like that? Audience: BE ORIGINAL BE ORIGINAL BE ORIGINAL!

[---Final Thought---]

"...cheated upon." Upon?

"Take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Dave walking down hall with Jimmy the dwarf pimp---]

2001-08-19T03:16:00.000-04:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Tales of Prostitution"

I love Jerry's hair.

This guy's mother is a prostitute... I haven't been paying attention because I'm trying to finish up tonight's entry in my trip blog.

"Did your spouse or lover leave you for a relative?" Hehehehe.

Wait, I think she's the guy's *grandmother*...

She's got bright blue nails, and Steve doesn't want her to touch him.

Her: I've always been interested in prositution...
((::laughs:: That sounds so... I dunno, clinical or scholarly.))

Jerry: Okay, there *are* options between *bingo* and *prostitution.*

[---story change---]

Whoa, this guy's wearing a newsboy cap...

The guy: Women are stupid! I tell ya, you put all these women here in a bag, and ... they couldn't do a crossword puzzle!
((Me: What?! Jann: [laughs] That's like "gay as a brick"... but makes less sense...))
Jerry: Well, I tell you, right now, you look like *you're* in a bag.

[---story change---]

Some guy is sleeping with someone he shouldn't be. I was laughing at a typo and missed the details;)

He looks like Bernard from Northern Exposure...

[---Q&A---]

Audience lady: This is to the man next to the... man-woman...

Whoa, another audience lady is wearing a newsboy cap, we can't figure out if it's the same one as the guy from earlier or not...

The gramma whore from earlier is after Steve...

Whoa. *Whoa.* An audience guy with phallic *hair.* Jerry: I don't know what to say... you know what I *want* to say...

[---Final Thought---]

"When you talk to most prostitutes, you find they have real trouble maintaining normal relationships..."

"Prostitution rarely looks good on a resume."

"Take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Steve waking down hall behind two guests---]

2001-08-18T01:42:00.000-04:00

Jerry was pre-empted by football:(

2001-08-17T04:14:00.000-04:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Eh, more of Hedonism II.

"Filet mignon whore!" ::grins::

Show notes may be rather sparse for the next two weeks, and nonexistant the two weeks after that. A friend's visiting, then I'm going to be at her house, and I probably won't be watching Jerry, there. We have trip blogs here. I'm Zavi.

2001-08-16T02:16:00.000-04:00

Today was a repeat of the Hedonism II episode... I have only this to say: Taralisa is *really* annoying, and the guy that was only arms, a head, and half a torso scares the hell out of me.

2001-08-14T00:11:00.000-04:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Strange Springer Stories II"

Oh, it's the one where people are going to throw up. Lyn refuses to watch it, so we'll just watch SNL or the X-Files or Designing Women or something. Sorry, people;)

2001-08-12T03:07:00.000-04:00

No show notes tonight, but I taught a two year old girl to chant "JERRY JERRY JERRY" and jump up and down. It was very cute;)

2001-08-11T01:30:00.000-04:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

The guy with the medals...

"Fiery Sex Secrets"

Leon is cheating on his gf.

Leon is sleeping with his gf's aunt.

Jerry: Well, she's been watchin' backstage... Leon: [looks shocked] Oh [beep; shit].

Jerry: [about Leon's gf's dress, which is barely there] I've been wondering where my napkin went.

Heheheheheheheh, the gf says the aunt--Tina--is a man:> The look on Leon's face is priceless.

Penny, the gf.

Leon: What kinda freak show are you runnin' in this family??

Leon: I've never been with a man before... Jerry: Yes you have.

Jerry: If two men are having a romantic relationship, that's gay! Or at least jovial...

Jerry: Two guys that are having oral sex are probably gay!!

[---story change---]

Ew. Gary is here to tell his gf that he's sleeping with his brother.

Gary says he's not gay. But he's been sleeping with his brother for five years.

Jerry can't seem to make him understand that *that* is gay...

Here's the brother... Audience: LOSER LOSER LOSER LOSER!

Jerry: [to the brothers] Don't you think this is a bit strange? Gary's gf: Hell yes it's strange!

Audience: INCEST LOSER INCEST LOSER INCEST LOSER!

::laughs at a promo:: Jerry: In the ten years we've been doing this show, you are the sickest man we've seen.

The brother: What we done is wrong, I'm in love with someone else. Kim: I think you're made for eachother.

Cinnamon, the brother's gf, is not happy.

Jerry: So we've seen our last kiss? ((Me: You wanna see another one, Jerry? Lyn: Yeah, [quoting Homicide] this interests you? Obviously Jerry likes to watch, I mean, look what kinda show he has...))

[---story change---]

Daniel is a woman, I think.

Audience: [to Jerry] TAKE IT OFF TAKE IT OFF TAKE IT OFF! Jerry: [according to Lyn, Jerry pulls up his shirt, showing skin; my response was, "Jerry has skin??"]

Tiger, Daniel's gf.

Daniel's dancing, taking off his clothes.

Jerry: [commenting on the change on the stage] Here's your--did people throw that?

Well, nothing was said about Daniel being a woman. But I still say he was.

[---story change---]

Joanna is cheating on her bf with his brother.

There's a very aggressive woman in the audience, keeps standing up and pointing and screaming. It's funny. I think she's wearing an Aries necklace...

The brother is named Jerry. He's not allowed.

"Do you have a bizarre, sexy job? If so, call us at 1-800-96-JERRY."

[---Q&A---]

The audience told the agressive lady to go to Oprah. I wouldn't have risked that. And her necklace looks like a 7, instead of an Aries symbol. I dunno.

[---Final Thought---]

"It's fair to assume none of us are perfect..."

"Take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Daniel trying to teach Todd and other security guys how to dance Chippendale---]

Todd's good;)

2001-08-10T01:03:00.000-04:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Jerry's wearing the same shirt as lastnight...

"Lying Lovers Confronted"

Jerry: Free drinks for everybody! [audience cheers] I'm lyin'...

Scott's gf left him.

Scott: She must've got a wild hair... Jerry: Did you get some tweezers, try t'pluck it?

Charlie, the new guy.

Stephanie, the gf.

Stephanie reminds me of Park Overall.

[---story change---]

Crystal is cheating on her bf with a woman.

The audience is happy;)

Crystal is a stripper...

Audience: WE LOVE STRIPPERS WE LOVE STRIPPERS WE LOVE STRIPPERS!

Ha! Crystal's gf pissed all the men in the audience off, she called them pigs, so they're not going to chant 'WE LOVE LESBIANS':>

[---story change---]

Peggy's man is cheating on her.

Dilla, the other woman.

Peggy and Dilla are similiar...

Randell, the bf.

Audience: COWBOY LOSER COWBOY LOSER COWBOY LOSER!

Jerry: [freaks and backs away from someone, playing it up for the audience] Audience: DON'T HURT JERRY DON'T HURT JERRY DON'T HURT JERRY!

Randell: [to Dilla, about Peggy] She pushed herself on me. Jerry: [stands up, leans down to Randell, whispers] You're gonna hafta to come up with something better than that.

Jerry's shoes are black and white. ::huggles Jerry::

[---Q&A---]

Audience woman said that all the women onstage need respect for themselves. Jerry: That's a fine way to do away with our show. People start respectin' themselves, we won't have a show...

Audience guy wearing a shirt that says something about chew, screw, and "kiss my ass", Jerry thought it was funny.

Crystal's gf: Men are *pigs!* They think with their-- [A security guy shuts her up.] Jerry: Wait a minute, I take personal offense to that. I used to be a man.

[---Final Thought---]

"Love is the greatest force..."

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Todd walking down hall with Randell---]

Todd: Admit it, she didn't overpower you. Randell: Yyeah she did. Todd: You're a *cowboy.*

2001-08-09T01:03:00.000-04:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Cheaters Confess"

Tisser? Tissa? Is here to confront the woman who's cheating on her bf.

Jerry: Are you flirting with her husband? Shari: I flirt with everybody. Audience: FLIRT WITH JERRY FLIRT WITH JERRY FLIRT WITH JERRY! Shari: [dances at Jerry]

Audience: SIT DOWN WHORE SIT DOWN WHORE SIT DOWN WHORE! Jerry: I'm *sitting* down.

Junior, the fiancee.

Shari is Tissa's sister-in-law.

Shari: [at the audience] Losers!!

Woody, Shari's husband. Someone told him, "Language."

Woody: I'm comin' at you soon as this big guy gets offa me!!! [leaps at the security guy] Jerry: S'not gonna happen. He's not gonna get off you.

[---story change---]

Shelley says three's a crowd.

She and her husband are having a threesome with their neighbour.

Shelley: Everytime we have a fight, he runs over to her for god knows what... Jerry: Probably two-thirds of what he was doing with both of you.

Jerry: Here she is... she's your neighbour, right? Shelley: Yeah. Jerry: Is there a vacancy on the other side of your house?

Audience: THREESOME WHORE THREESOME WHORE THREESOME WHORE!

Jerry: [dodges] I almost got hurt. [makes a cute face at the audience] Audience: DON'T HURT JERRY DON'T HURT JERRY DON'T HURT JERRY!

[---story change---]

Melinda's bf is cheating with Melinda's friend.

April, the friend.

Melinda: [to April] Are you just a little Barbie lookin' whore?? Audience: BARBIE LOOKIN' WHORE BARBIE LOOKIN' WHORE BARBIE LOOKIN' WHORE!

The bf: You pop babies out-- Melinda: You help!!

April stomped on her husband's hat. 'I'M TIRED OF THE COWBOY!!' Audience: WE LOVE COWBOYS WE LOVE COWBOYS WE LOVE COWBOYS!

[---story change---]

Nicole's bf is cheating on her in a bakery.

Jessica, the woman who works at the bakery, who the bf is cheating with. My first impression of Jessica: Jessica has large breasts.

Audience: CUPCAKE WHORE CUPCAKE WHORE CUPCAKE WHORE!

Mike, the bf.

Jerry: Do you put an extra donut in that dozen? Jessica: Yes I do, Jerry! Every night! Jerry: Everynight there's another donut... I don't even wanna know how he makes holes in those donuts...

[---Q&A---]

Audience people think one of the stage guys is old, he says he's 49. Jerry: [starts shaking] 49's not old, guys...

[---Final Thought---]

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Two security guys walking down hall with Jessica--]

They're eating donuts, and the camera guy keeps waving a donut in front of the camera.

2001-08-08T01:03:00.000-04:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Rocky Relationships"

Tone's cheating on his gf Christina.

Tone has a fetish.

Tone's covered in rubber.

Cody, the one Tone is cheating with, says everyone has a fetish...

Tone has a foot fetish, too.

Cody's peeling off the rubber.

Tone's gf is not happy.

A camera guy peeled some rubber off of Tone and dangled it in front of the camera.

[---story change---]

Michele caught her bf "romancing another woman."

Ace, the bf.

SpringerCam, Ace: [points at the camera guy] Who's he?! Who's he?! Michele: Forget who he is! He's The Jerry Springer!
((Huh?))

Jerry: [to Ace] You, in a skirt, is not a pretty picture.

[---story change---]

This guy's gf is cheating on him with his uncle...

Jerry: Why would you do that to your nephew? Uncle: He was drunk and stupid. Jerry: So... because he's drunk you sleep with his girlfriend?

Audience: [to the guy] KISS JERRY'S FEET KISS JERRY'S FEET KISS JERRY'S FEET! Jerry: If, if y'like doin' that, I can introduce you to our first guest...

[---story change---]

Jackie's sleeping with this guy's girl.

Jackie: We've been sleeping together for the past... five months. Jerry: Does she know you're a lesbian? Jackie: Yes. Jerry: Well, if you're sleeping with her, I guess she does. [kinda laughs, looks at Richard] It's August...

Neely, the girl.

Audience: [beeeep] Jerry: [looks at whoever it was] I will not.

Jerry's hiding behind his card, peeking out at Neely and Jackie.

Neely: [to the guy] You never ask me what I want on my pizza when you order pizza! I'm done.

[---Q&A---]

Audience chick: I wanted to rub Steve's head, Jerry, can I rub your bald head? Jerry: [leans over] Her: [rubs Jerry's very not-bald head]

Another audience chick wanted a hug from Jerry, and she got really nervous and was shaking, it was so cute:)

Audience woman: Jerry, I just want to say, I think your show is disgusting, trashy, nasty show, and I DON'T MISS A DAY! [Jerry is nodding this whole time, to everything she says.]

[---Final Thought---]

Someone sitting in the audience has a shirt that says "GO JERRY" on the back.

((I missed the whole Final Thought because my cat sat on the remote...))

[---Steve's Corner--]

Talking to Ace, who said, at one point, "Most definitely."

2001-08-05T03:05:00.000-04:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Steeeve!

((Lyn: Steve Steve Steve Steve!!))

"Secret Sex Partners"

Candy's husband is cheating on her with his cousin.

There's a pink flamingo leaning against her trailer...

And there's a Barney sheet pinned to one window...

Penny, the cousin.

One of them screamed, 'WHOOP MY ASS, BITCH!!'

Jamie, the husband/cousin/bf.

Chris, Penny's husband.

Evil people making Steve have to lunge at them and say 'Settle down, settle down'...

[---story change---]

Olivia has lots of cleavage, for a man.

Olivia's bf's fiance said, '...with somethin' that looks like that?!' Ummm. Olivia's wearing less makeup than the fiance...

[---story change---]

Crystal is in love with another woman.

Crystal: I'm in love with another woman. Jerry: W-w... well, what's wrong with that?

The gf has a bf, and Crystal has a bf, too.

Kim, the gf. David, Kim's bf.

David: Wutchoo mean yer sleepin' with Kim?

David: You always watchin' soaps-- Jerry: [stage-whispers] Talk shows.

Dominic, Crystal's bf.

Crystal: Why can't we all just [live together] Audience: FOURSOME FOURSOME FOURSOME FOURSOME!

Kim: The more the merrier, baby!

Jerry: Are you all four livin' together? Crystal: Yeah. Jerry: This could get wild if you get another roommate.

[---Q&A---]

There were perhaps two questions that were not evil evil homophobic comments, and those two weren't very clever anyway. So there's nothing interesting for here.

[---Final Thought---]

"We all get treated exactly the way we allow ourselves to be."

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with two guests who were not very memorable---]

2001-08-04T01:04:00.000-04:00

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Confessions of Betrayal"

Jerry: Our guests today say they're very naughty...

Monica threw her brother out of her house.

Monica's brother has been sleeping with her gf.

The brother is living in a car in a junkyard.

The brother: [to the audience] Shut up!! Audience: YOU SHUT UP YOU SHUT UP YOU SHUT UP!

Jerry: Why're you living in a car? Why not get an apartment? Or a trailer? Audience: WE LOVE TRAILERS WE LOVE TRAILERS WE LOVE TRAILERS!

Guest security guy, Jeff. He pitches for the Detroit Tigers, I think Jerry said. Jerry tried to make him sit down. Audience: WE WANT JEFF WE WANT JEFF!

Audience: GIVE JEFF A KISS!

[---story change---]

Lisa let a bitch move into her house.

The bitch is sleeping with Lisa's husband.

Jerry: People get very depressed, lookin' at me.

Terri, the bitch. Robby, the husband/bf.

Lisa cursed, Jerry looked at her and said, 'Language.'

[---story change---]

Tony is tired of trying to balance two lovers at the same time.

He's leaving his gf for a man.

He wants to keep them both:p

Tony: Nobody knows how to please a man except a man. Jerry: Ohhh... I don't think that's right... I think I'm right... maybe I'm being fooled...

Jerry: Wait a second. [leans down to talk to Jeff] Do you think he's a pitcher or a catcher? Jeff: Definitely a catcher. Audience: JEFF JEFF JEFF JEFF JEFF! Tony: I'm on top!

The gf: What can't I do for you? I don't have [beep; dick]? Tony: No, as a matter of fact, you don't.

Audience: [to Tony's bf] GIVE JEFF A KISS GIVE JEFF A KISS GIVE JEFF A KISS!! Jeff: [freaks out and gets the guy to go the other end of the stage] Audience: THREESOME WITH JEFF THREESOME WITH JEFF THREESOME WITH JEFF! Jeff: [puts his fingers in his ears]

[---story change---]

Nikki's bf is cheating.

Sean, the bf.

Nikki: [calmly] Are you sleepin' around? Sean: [even more calm] Yeah, I am.

Uh-oh, the new gf is angry.

Nikki: You're a dog, man. Audience: [barks insanely]

---Ah! Meet Jerry says that he was five when he moved to the US... that explains the lack of an accent.---

[---Q&A---]

Audience chick gave Jeff a hug. Audience: JEFF'S A LESBIAN JEFF'S A LESBIAN JEFF'S A LESBIAN!
((*What?*))

Audience: [to Monica's brother] GO BUY A TRAILER GO BUY A TRAILER GO BUY A TRAILER!

An audience guy is saying "y'all two"... that sounds funny. Him: Y'all don't make love, two fat people make slop...

Another audience chick gave Jeff a guy. Audience: GIVE JEFF A LAPDANCE GIVE JEFF A LAPDANCE! Tony's bf: I'll do it! I'll do it! [goes round and attempts to give Jeff a lapdance, but Jeff stands up and shoves him away]

[---Final Thought---]

Jerry: Jeff, if you ever need a second job after pitching, we'd love to have you do security.

"Till next time take care of yourself, and eachother."

[---Steve's Corner---]

With Jeff.

Jeff says breaking up fights on the Jerry Springer Show is harder than pitching for the Tigers.

Steve: That blue guy who was involved in a homosexual affair seemed pretty interested in you, is there any chance you two might hook up? Jeff: Zero chance whatsoever.

2001-08-03T01:07:00.000-04:00

Unrelated note: In Eris We Trust.

---------

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Scornful Breakups"

Raven's ex-bf won't go away.

There's a guy in the audience wearing a shirt that says "Bubba".

Jerry: You tell Angus to go away, but Angus don't hear, do he?

SpringerCam, Angus: I'mon' get my woman back if I have to go all the way to the Jerry Springer Show.

Raven's current bf is screaming at Angus. Audience: WE LOVE ANGUS WE LOVE ANGUS WE LOVE ANGUS!

Angus took off all but his socks and boxers and spread himself out on the stage floor. Jerry: Who wants white meat?

[---story change---]

Angus is still lying on the floor.

Jamie is sleeping with her sister's husband.

Jamie and her sister are fighting, security guys trying to keep it in order, audience: DON'T HURT ANGUS DON'T HURT ANGUS DON'T HURT ANGUS!

Dave: Have a seat, there, talk to Jerry!

Jerry: You cannot say 'mmmm' on our show.

[---story change---]

Angus is still there.

Regina is sleeping with her husband's brother.

[---Q&A---]

Audience guy: [to a fat whore] You should get a muu-muu! Audience: MUU-MUU MUU-MUU MUU-MUU!

Jerry: [to Angus] I'm gonna be goin' home later, but you can stay here, if you'll just turn off the lights, that'll be cool...

[---Final Thought---]

Jerry: Angus... I hope things work out for you...

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Dave lying on stage floor w/ Angus---]

Nighttime noises, cricket noises...

Dave: You sure I can't talk you into leavin'? Angus: Nope. Dave: Okay... I'll get comfortable, then... seeya in the mornin', Angus. You don't snore, do you? Angus: Yuh. Dave: You do??