Thursday, November 22, 2001

Happy Thanksgiving, all! Well, all who celebrate it, anyway.

::bounces away to program her VCR to record 12 hours of CourtTV's Thanksgiving Day Homicide Marathon. I'm getting up sometime between 8:30-9am, to catch the first episode before going to my gramma's. Ha. I usually wake up sometime between 11am-3pm...

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JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Why is Jerry never sitting in the red JERRY chair backstage?

"Coldhearted Lovers"

Nikki's husband won't let her come to his house, where he's living with his mistress.

SpringerCam, Nikki's standing outside the house with a megaphone shouting "Billy! Billy! Come outta there!"

SpringerCam, Nikki: MY HUSBAND LIVES WITH A WHORE [over and over]

The audience is chanting it, too;)

SpringerCam, Nikki's drawn and audience and has them chanting "WHORE WHORE WHORE!"

SpringerCam, the crowd chanted 'JERRY JERRY JERRY' then went back to WHORE WHORE WHORE, with a car horn honking with them. Heheh.

SpringerCam, a drunk guy is trying to tell Nikki to be happy and not bother with this guy any more.

SpringerCam, drunk guy: [into megaphone] BILLY! BRING YOUR WHORE OUT HERE! YOU BASTARD! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

SpringerCam, Nikki is reading the National Enquirer, with something about Oprah on the front...

Helen, the mistress.

Nikki is being evil and lunging at Steve. Audience: STEVE STEVE STEVE!

Whoa, I think they knocked Steve down... Audience: TAKE IT EASY STEVE TAKE IT EASY STEVE!

Jerry: Watch this. [to Jimmy] Why don't you take his place? [makes Steve sit down] Todd, get him some cocoa.

Audience: YOU'RE A WHORE YOU'RE A WHORE YOU'RE A WHORE! Jerry: Hey, who are you talking to? I'm just askin' questions-- Audience: JERRY'S A WHORE JERRY'S A WHORE JERRY'S A WHORE! Jerry: My mother would be very proud...

Richard: [hands Jerry a mug] Jerry: Hold on, lemme get this... this is for Steve. [carries it to Steve]

Steve's got makeup on his shoulder. The guests shouldn't wear so much makeup... it rubs off on the security guys so often...

Steve is now covered by a blanket, and surrounded by hot girls. Heh.

Jerry: Y'okay? Steve: [grins wildly] I'm doin' great, now.

Billy may be shorter than *me.* (my id says 5') Audience: MIDGET MIDGET MIDGET!

Billy must've called Jerry 'Steve', cos Jerry just handed the show over to Steve and sat down with the chicks and the blanket and the cocoa.

Steve: Now, really, what're you doin' here? You're married to this woman, you're livin' with this one. Billy: I'm tryin' to get along-- Jerry: [stands up] YOU'RE A HO!! [Jimmy escorts Jerry out of the studio] Steve: Get that troublemaker outta here!

Steve: [as Jimmy and Al break up a fight] This is easy! When y'don't have to break up the fights...

Jerry's sitting backstage with two girls who are feeding him bottled water.

Steve: In all honesty, this is your wife, why would you cheat on her? Billy: *Because.*
((Is that a reason?))

Steve: We'll be back! [signals for break]

[---story change---]

Aww, Steve's back at his post:(

Greg wants his ex-fiance back.

The ex's new bf is a truck driver.

Audience guy: KEEP ON TRUCKIN'!!! Audience: KEEP ON TRUCKIN' KEEP ON TRUCKIN' KEEP ON TRUCKIN'!

Tara, the ex.

Rick, the truck driver.

Whoaaa, Greg got past Steve, jumped over a chair, and went for Rick. Steve still caught him;)

[---story change---]

Jerry: Sharon says her sister let her move in four months ago and now she's moving in on her sister's boyfriend.

Yolanda, the sister.

Yolanda very calmly sat back, then stood up and went toward Sharon when Sharon said she was sleeping with Yolanda's bf...

Yolanda went just outside the stage to lean her head against the brick for a moment.

Yolanda is screaming at Jerry! Jerry fumbled his card and ran into the audience... Jerry: [giggling, to an audience person] You got my back, okay? I'm not meant for this...

Jerry: Okay, here he is, here's Jizzy. ((Me: [pause] Here's who?))

Jerry: I tell ya, our security're droppin' like flies! Richard: [grins at him and picks up his red phone, speaks into it; I wish he had a mic...]

[---Q&A---]

Audience guy: What I don't understand is, why are we calling all these women whores? I mean, even whores have class!
((Er, what?))

[---Final Thought---]

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Steve sitting backstage with Jimmy and Al---]

Steve: I'm goin' home and soakin' in the jacuzzi for hours. Al: Can we come, too? [they all complain about how taxing security is] Todd: [bounces in happily and jumps up and down] Hey, guys! Wasn't it great?? Steve: [glares up at him] Oh, yeah. It was great. [he and Al and Jimmy leap on him and knock him down] How's that for great, huh??

Wednesday, November 21, 2001

Two postings, today; the first is one I didn't get to post because my laptop freaked out when I tried, and the second one is tonight's.

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JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Springer's Leftovers"

"Have you ever wondered how we fit so much garbage into one hour? Well... we don't." Jerry.

These are the leftover stories...:p

This woman is cheating with her bf's little sister.

Nate, the bf.

Nate is not pleased. And he's wearing a stupid shirt.

Courtney, the sister.

Nate: She's not just a lesbian, she's a ho! Jerry: Well... you can't get on our show if you're just a lesbian...

[---story change---]

Jerry: Have you ever wondered how a lesbian gets pregnant? Audience: YYYYYYEAAAAAAAAHHHHH! Jerry: The wame way a heterosexual woman can! I was just told that, I don't know...

Amadana is cheating on her bf with a woman.

Audience: WE LOVE LESBIANS WE LOVE LESBIANS! Amadana: So do I, heheh. Jerry: Is this a real woman or the blow up kind?

Tina, the other woman.

What... Amadana is wearing the same dress that the woman, Nate's and Courtney's gf, was wearing...

[---story change---]

Joe is here to learn a sexy secret from his gf.

Mandy, the gf.

Tiffany and Mandy are going to get married.

Whoa. Jimmy: [pointing his finger in Joe's face] *Don't use the F word.* [points at Tiffany] F-word!

[---story change---]

Rick, very very fat, is whoring himself to similiarly built women.

He's taking his clothes off...

Rick's gf doesn't know. Jerry: Do you think that's fair? Rick: Yeah. I do think it's fair.

Terri, the gf.

Terri is unhappy.

One of Rick's clients says he makes her feel loved.

Terri: ...cows! Jerry: [quite seriously] There's no reason to be insulting to *her!* [the client]

[---story change---]

The following, from here till the Final Thought, is from my notebook, because my laptop went screwy right in the middle of a segment with a *spaceman.* The most interesting segment of the show, and that's when my computer chooses to freak out. Arg.

Jerry: Meet Danielle... I gotta be honest with you, this show sucks...

Jerry: I'm going to try something new with this segment. I have no idea what this segment is about.

Danielle: ...thinks he's a spaceman. Jerry: [pause] What? Why are you trying to hurt me?

Danielle's bf, Jim, is not happy that Danielle is cheating on him with a spaceman.

Audience: OUTER SPACE WHORE OUTER SPACE WHORE OUTER SPACE WHORE!

Marc, the spaceman. Jerry: Welcome.to.our.show. We.from.Earth.

Marc says that one night he was possessed by an alien force.

[---Final Thought---]

The thing about leftovers is, they're usually pretty boring...

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

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JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Steeeeve...

"I Married A Monster"

Toby's wife turns evil once a month.

SpringerCam, Toby: Jerry, if you can help me, it'd be appreciated.

SpringerCam, the wife: You know I don't eat my bacon in the microwave.

SprignerCam, the wife keeps screaming about idiotic things, such as Toby folding her socks into balls instead of, in her words, bunny ears. I'd have her peel her face off and feed it to a dog.

Ah. He's spelled Tobe.

Crystal, the wife. If she yells at Jerry, I'm going to be angry.

Crystal: He's a screw-up, he never does anything right! Audience guy/Todd?: YOU'RE A SCREW-UP! Audience: [to Crystal] YOU'RE A SCREW-UP YOU'RE A SCREW UP!

He's cheating on her.

Dawn, the new gf.

Dawn and Crystal were trying to get at eachother, Steve is keeping them apart. Jerry somehow ended up in the wrong place, too near the fighting, almost trapped against the wall. He said, "Can I get outta here?" and shimmered away.

Dawn: Yeah, well I'd rather be a whore than a lazy bitch. Jerry: [stage-whispers] On this side, you can be a whore, on this one a lazy bitch... it's a tough choice.

[---story change---]

Jeremy, a little person, loves his gf.

He thinks she may be treating him bad. He's not quite sure.

SpringerCam is here to help.

SpringerCam, she's a big person, and is being evil by holding chips up out of his reach for him to jump for:p She keeps saying mean things about is height.

SpringerCam, her: Little man, who do you think you are?

Springercam, she put him on top of the fridge to punish him for talking to her in some tone of voice:p The camera guy helped him down.

SpringerCam, she's treating him like some sort of cross between a dog and a child. She's evil. She's not quite so face-peelingly evil as Crystal, but she's still evil.

Jeremy says he didn't quite realize how bad she treats him until he saw the tape:p Jerry: It just now sunk in? She put you on top of a refridgerator!

Valerie, her.

((Aside: I have a package of havarti cheese that says "sell by 06/03/02 11". Odd.))

Audience: YOU SUCK YOU SUCK YOU SUCK!

Audience: BIG FAT MONSTER BIG FAT MONSTER BIG FAT MONSTER!

She treats him like that, and says he's bad and horrible and such, on stage, he says he's leaving her. Now she's begging for him to stay with her:p

[---story change---]

Michelle is determined to destroy her friend's marriage.

Michelle says her friend treats her own husband "like a bitch".

Michelle: I'm taking him from her. No man deserves to be treated like that. Jerry: Did I ever tell you how I'm treated? [Michelle & audience laugh] Jerry: [grins] I'm treated very well. Richard: [sound; poing]

Michelle & the friend/wife scream and lunge at eachother; Jerry is sitting in the centre chair onstage, and keeps flinching. Audience: DON'T HURT JERRY DON'T HURT JERRY DON'T HURT JERRY!

Jeff, the husband.

Denice, the wife.

Jerry: Why do you think you can be mean to him just because he's your husband? Denice: Cos he's my man! That's what you do!

Denice: He's comin' home with me! Jeff: Yeh, we'll see. We'll see. Denice: Yeah, we'll see! Jeff: We'll see. Jerry: [whining] Do we get to see? It's my shooow, I never get to see...

[---Q&A---]

Audience woman: This is for the little guy in front... I would never treat you that way, wanna come home with me, sweetheart? Audience: GIVE HIM A KISS GIVE HIM A KISS! [So she does.]

[---Final Thought---]

"There's rarely a good reason to mistreat someone."

"Even the seemingly nicest people sometimes act badly."

"Wanting someone to change doesn't mean that they will."

"Take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Dave walking down hall with Jeremy and Crystal---]

Dave is carrying Jeremy on his shoulders so he can look down on Crystal.

Dave: Maybe we can go out tonight-- Jeremy: Can we rent you for this [carrying]? Dave: Oh, sure, the Jerry Springer Show is a full-service operation.