Saturday, November 10, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Ohh, it's the one with the guy who buys underwear. Okay.

Jerry: It's, it's about as weird as it gets... Russ: I can get weirder!

Wednesday, November 07, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Honey, You're Busted"

Carl's got a serious gambling problem.

He... he put up his girlfriend... in a poker game.

He lost the bet.

Carl: I have a gambling problem... Jerry: [mumbling] More than a *gambling* problem...

Monica, the gf.

Paul, the guy he owed: I ain't skeerd a' yew!

Paul: What she [his gf] don't know won't hurt'er! Jerry: [puts a hand on his shoulder and points at the big camera at the back of the studio] Why don't you wave at that camera and wave hi to her?

Paul's gf is not pleased.

Steve's coughing.

[---story change---]

Someone in the audience is wearing a big Superman shirt and waving a small American flag.

Billy's wife is cheating on him.

Jerry: Billy, what's goin' on? Billy: Billy--I, I mean Jerry...

Leah, the wife.

Leah looks like a cross between Delta Burke and my cousin Diana.

He has Leah on tape, cheating.

Leah's angry because Billy put a hidden camera in the bedroom:p

Leah, about the hidden camera: I can't believe you did that to me!!!
((Uh, Leah... *you're* cheating on him.))

Dr. Chocolate, the new bf.

Dr. Chocolate: ...she needed some chocolate in her life. Jerry: But... but, chocolate *moose?*
((I say "moose" because that's how Jerry meant it...;p ))

[---story change---]

Adam has been cheating on his gf with her brother.

Kenda, the gf.

Jerry: So you don't know why you're here. Kenda: No. Jerry: But you're worried, cos you know what our show's like... Kenda: Yeah. Jerry: Yeah. It's a worry always.

Kenda: [as is giving an order] You're *not* gay. You're not with my brother! Adam: I am with your brother. Kenda: [still giving orders] NO, you're not!

Dakota, the brother.

Ahh. Dakota is a transvestite.

Dakota: Keep her away, Steve, keep her away. Thank you, honey.

Dakota: Just remember, honey, when you're kissing him, you're [beeeep; sucking my cock].

[---Q&A---]

Audience guy: If you're all done with Dr. Chocolate, my friend Captain Toothpick would [can't hear the rest cos audience cheers]

Audience guy: [yells] My question's for you-- Jerry: Try this, it works. [hands him the mic] Audience guy: [into the mic] My question's for you [something boring to Dr. Chocolate]

What... ::laughs:: Richard said something to Jerry, then started playing the kickass song. Jerry stood in the Final Thought spot and started singing along. He said, "G'night, everybody!" and went backstage, but the song kept playing... lots of audience people came on stage and danced with Steve and Todd...

"You're halfway to hell, you've lost everything that counts..." That song. I need to know if it has a name, or is availible on CD or if anyone has it... I want it. If any Springer fans out there have it on mp3 or some other format, I'll trade you a guest blogging spot for it. mistacat@lyekka.com

[---Final Thought---]

"Can trust, once lost, ever be regained?"

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Dr. Chocolate---]

Dr. Chocolate says he's 5'4", 302lb.

Tuesday, November 06, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Spicy Secrets"

Crystal has a red-hot secret for her bf.

Crystal: I have this big juicy red-hot secret to tell him.

She's sleeping with her pimp.

Beau, the bf.

Beau: Who the hell are you?! Pimp: [happily] I'm her pimp!

Jerry: [to the audience] Okay, the bidding starts at ten!

Pimp: I don't love you, I was just usin' you for money! Crystal: Well, you said you loved me! Pimp: I tell all my hos that.

Pimp: Hos are a dime a dozen.

[---story change---]

SpringerCam: Guy: Who is this with the camera? Woman: It is Jerry Springer, baby! And he's here to bust your lyin', cheatin' ass!

He's sleeping with her brother.

Her: [to the brother] I should bounce your [beep; fucking] ass like a basketball!

Jerry: Let's bring out apparently the boyfriend of both of you... here's Jeremy.

The brother has a gf.

Sondra, the first woman.

Tony, the brother.

Jerry: You girlfriend has no idea you're gay? Jeremy: Bisexual. No.
((That's odd, Jerry usually makes a point of the distinction between gay and bi.))

Tony's gf: [something I couldn't hear] Tony: No comment.

[---story change---]

David lost his wife and his kids.

His wife is cheating on him.

Rebecca, the wife.

Rebecca: He ain't nothin' but a punk-ass bitch!

They beeped "McDonalds".

Audience: TAKE IT OFF TAKE IT OFF TAKE IT OFF! Jerry: [thrusts his chest forward at them and starts to take off his jacket] Audience: [screams happily and cheers and cheers and cheers] JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY!!

[---Q&A---]

Audience woman: [to David] The crybaby in the back there... grow up.

Guy: We're in America, whatever happened to a man loving his sister more than another man? Audience: USA USA USA USA USA USA!

[---Final Thought---]

"Know this. Free love never is. Free, that is."

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Sondra---]

Sondra: How do you wake up gay?