Saturday, November 03, 2001

Jerry is on Politically Incorrect!

They're discussing the airlines' loss of money. Jerry doesn't seem nervous, which seems unusual--he's usually nervous on such shows.

Bill Maher did the bunny-ears-hands-quotes thing. I hate that.

Jerry: When you're going to kill someone because they don't believe in your religion, that's what's wrong.

Jerry: I say we go get bin Laden and put him on my show! Joel Mowbray: How would he get on your show? It's not like he's a midget bisexual... [something I didn't catch] Jerry: Well, you don't know what he's wearing under those robes.

Maher is complaining that our president saying "God bless" might inflame the terrorists. Jerry: Somebody who's on the side of the terrorists may be pissed off and I don't care!

------

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Liar!"

Rikki says he needs to come clean about his secret affair.

He's cheating on his wife.

With a man.

He says he's bi.

Belinda, the wife: HOW THE HELL ARE YOU GAY!! [stupid yellow ZOW! graphic]

Rikki: A guy gives me what I want! Jerry: [backs up against the wall, grins, walks back toward Rikki] What is it that you want? Richard: [sends out a poing sound]

Belinda: You don't take me out! Rikki: Belind, yes I do! I take you out every time we go out!

Rikki: I'm not allowed to go out and have fun... you go out and have fun. Belinda: I didn't go out and have fun and turn gay.

Manuel, the bf.

Audience: YOU SUCK YOU SUCK YOU SUCK! Rikki: I suck?? Jerry: That's how he got in trouble...

Rikki can take out his top teeth;p

Audience: [a few people] STEVE STEVE STEVE... [a few more people] STEVE STEVE STEVE... [most of audience] STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE!

Rikki: Yes I am. 99.9% fairy.

Manuel is with somebody else:p Rikki is not happy.

Ha! It's a girl. She's not happy, either;)

[---story change---]

Charles says he couldn't keep his hands off his neighbour's woman.

He didn't know the woman was dating the neighbour.

Jerry: Now this girl, I imagine she's a real good lookin' woman? Richard: [barnyard sound] Charles: Yeah, yeah, yeah... Richard: [continues the sound]

Max, the guy.

Charles says he has over a thousand children, via a sperm bank.

Charles and Max both sound like they may very well be from Kentucky... I should move:p

Jerry, on the sperm bank thing: Well... I guess our show's gonna be goin' on for years...

Sue, the gf. She's wearing a squaredancing dress with giant white polka dots onnit... she came out and kissed both of them.

She says she buckdances.

Audience wants to see her dance, so Richard's playing the song he always plays. Jerry's mouthing it;) "If thing's ever get any worse..."

Charles is going to sing a song for Sue... "How do yuh say goodbye to an angel, and slowly walk away?"

Sue wants Max. Max says "We'll see."

Charles is singing the last verse of his song, and Todd had the clapping-in-time audience stand up.

[---story change---]

Renelle's bf of seven years has suddenly disappeared.

Renelle says her bf doesn't know whether he wants to be with a man or a woman.

Shunda? The bf? Whatever the name, he's a transvestite now.

Jerry: I think the confusion's over...

Richard: [mooo sound]

Ah. Shonda.

Jerry: [to Shonda] Why'd you cheat on her? Renelle: Hos do things like that.

Shonda's bf is onstage now, Renelle is screaming at him.

Jerry: How long have you been with him? Shonda: Two months. Renelle: [sarcastically] Two months... whoa, that is so much stability in your life, honey.

The bf has a gf. Or... another transvestite, I'm having trouble telling. Which is unusual for me.

Jerry: Wait, wait, wait... [is ignored] Hey hey hey... [holds up his card] Hi, I'm Jerry Springer.

Ah, the new gf is a guy. Okay.

Jerry: [to Shonda's bf] You seem pretty confused. Do you know where you are?

Someone just said, "You are the weakest link, goodbye!" :p

[---Final Thought---]

Ack, I missed the Q&A cos I was taking my dog outside:(

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Steve standing in hall with Charles---]

Steve asked Charles to make up a song about the show... so he did:

"Oh yes, Steve, you are the star of the show... even though everybody else has a great big part... don't forget this guy called Jerry Springer... I really enjoyed the show!"

Heheh.

Tuesday, October 30, 2001

I did watch the episode of The Weakest Link with Jerry Springer, Ben Stein, RuPaul, and others. I taped it, so I will eventually re-watch it for notes...

---------
JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Steeeeeve...

"I Live in a Box"

Jerry: [to the ooooing and cheering audience] Oo, thank you, thank you, you are soooo niiice!

Jerry: Lynn says her relationship with her husband is over but he refuses to think outside of the box.

SpringerCam, Kurt does, indeed, live in a box.

SpringerCam, Kurt: You put me out here in this box! Lynn: I never told you to live in a box!!

SpringerCam, Kurt: I don't wanna live out here in this box all my life...

Jerry: Was he always kin'a weird? Lynn: Yeah.

Here comes Kurt, in his box...

Kurt: I looove yooouu, Lyyyyn! Lynn: Iii haaaate yooouu!

Jerry: Why do you think she kicked you out? Kurt: Because she got tired of me not working...

Kurt: Jerry, if she doesn't come back to me, I am your problem now. I'm gonna sit right over here [on the stage] until you convince her to take me back. Jerry: [to Lynn] Why don't you take him back? I'll even buy him some clothes... Lynn: A suit? Jerry: A suit?? She's negociating! [starts laughing so hard he has to sit down]

[---story change---]

Jerry: If you'll notice, as the camera pans around, we still have Kurt... in a box... Kurt: Thank you, Jerry. Audience: KURT KURT KURT KURT KURT KURT!

Jerry: Please meet Sam. Sam says he enjoys hiding under his bed.

Sam made a deal with his cousin that she could stay in his house if he would be allowed to watch her and her gf have sex.

Daratha, the gf.

Daratha doesn't believe Sam that the cousin agreed to this.

Jessica, the cousin.

Daratha is very mad at Jessica.

Jerry: [leans mic down] Kurt, what do you think of this? Kurt: I think he should've picked one or the other of them and stuck with it... Jerry: [waves his card at him and walks away]

[---story change---]

Jerry: John says when it comes to sex, mother knows best. Audience: Boooooooooo!!!!!

John says he's obsessed with his mother.

He on his mother's bra and panties after she leaves for work.

He likes to be dominated by her.

Audience: WHO'S YOUR MOMMY WHO'S YOUR MOMMY!

Kurt: [to John] I've got some friends in Seattle that would think you're pretty cute in that.

The mother: What do you think you're doing, talking to these people?! Telling them that you like to wear my clothes, like that's a normal thing! That's kinda freaky! [turns to audience] Don't you think that's kinda freaky??

Jerry: You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking that somewhere in the world, someone is just now turning on our show... and the beauty of it is, you never have to go to the TVGuide to find out what show you're watching.

[---story change---]

I love Jerry's shoes.

Jerry: Well... we still got Kurt here... Audience: KURT KURT KURT KURT KURT KURT!

Jerry: Sonya says she's stuck between two new lovers.

She's here to tell her bf that she's been having a threesome with the nextdoor neighbours.

Jerry: And on behalf of the Jerry Springer Show, I'd like to thank you for sharing that with us.

Jason, the bf. Jasons are evil.

Sonya: There are more couples out there that are in triangles than you can shake a stick at! Jason: I don't wanna shake a stick at them!!

Jason: [to the new guy, after calling him a rat-fink] Whatever, Master Splinter!
((What?! Two TMNT refs in a row...))

[---Q&A---]

VO promo guy: "Did you have a *bizarre* one night stand and you wanna tell your lover on our show?"

Audience guy: I got a question for the landlord, would you let the three of them live there for free if you could watch them? Sam: Yeah.

[---Final Thought---]

"We've seen, today, as we've seen so often on our show, people being hurt."

"Till next time, take care of yourself, and eachother."

[---Steve talking to Kurt, onstage---]

Steve: You goin'? Kurt: No. Steve: Show's over. Kurt: It's Jerry's problem, now.

Steve: You're gonna live onstage? We're all leaving.

Steve: I'm goin' to the game. [leaves]