Thursday, October 25, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"It's a Pimp's World"

Rodeshia says she made the worst mistake of her life.

She wants to tell her pimp that she wants to stop being a hooker.

Charles, the pimp.

Jerry: Hey, hey, hey. Charles: *What?* You got a problem with me?? Jerry: Yeah.

Jerry: [of Charles' jacket] Right now there's a cheap motel without a curtain.

Charles: She got more ass than a team o' donkeys!

Charles: [to Rodeshia] Every time a man walks by your legs fly open like a mouse trap!
((Fly open like a... mouse trap?))

Charles: Who got the kids Ninja Turtles for Christmas?!
((*What?* This is 2001, not 1992.))

Jerry: [to Charles] You're an embarrassment to anybody who happens to be white.

Jerry: [to Charles] She's quittin', you better get that through your head.

Charles says he lost two uncles in WWII so he could do whatever he wants:p Jerry said there was a war before that that got rid of slavery.

Audience woman: [to Charles] With the money she's makin' you, why don't you get your teeth fixed and get a face lift?

[---story change---]

Scott says he got a male and female for the price of one.

He's here to tell his gf he's been sleeping with a transexual prostitute.

Jerry: How did this come about? You woke up one morning and said "ahh! I need a transexual."?

Scott's gf is *not happy.* Not in the slightest.

The gf went backstage, Scott followed, Steve followed them. Jerry: [cheerfully] Let's do the show back here! [follows them]

Nautica, the tranvestite.

[---story change---]

A fake Steve is pimping his nephew out.

His sister doesn't know this.

The sister isn't happy.

The fake Steve says he'd pimp his sister out before he'd allow his sister to pimp his daughter out...:p

Jerry: [to the nephew] You know what, this is just a tv show, but you're really ruining your life.

[---Q&A---]

There's a bizarre audience guy in a bright orange shirt with pinky-orange candy floss hair.

An audience woman who looks a lot like a friend of mine stood up and lectured Charles at length. Jerry gave her his mic and his Jerry Springer Show card, then said, "Come up here [onstage], it's your show." She stood over Charles while Steve held him down, yelling at him more. It was so cool:p And she said, "My breasts are bigger than your [beep; fuckin'] ego!"

Jerry: Well, she pretty much made you look like a fool... Charles: No she didn't!
((No, she didn't. You didn't need her help.))

[---Final Thought---]

"Till next time, take care of yourself... aand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Charles---]

Charles thinks he looks wonderful.

He says he's "not at liberty" to tell Steve how many girls he has working for him:p

Wednesday, October 24, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

New season, trashed alley opening...

"Cheaters Bazaar"

Phil is here to reveal his true identify to his gf.

Phil is gay. He's using his gf to get to her bf.

Jerry: So you're just using her to get to her boyfriend? Phil: He's cute, Jerry! Audience: [laughs] Phil: He is!

Her: There's no way you're gay! We had sex!

Her: There's no way that you're gay!

Phil is now just wearing a bra and panties, and he's chasing Steve.

Phil: Jerry... I've been waiting to tell you this for so... you. are so. Hot.

Richard: [makes a poinging sound] Phil: That's not funny, buddy! You're cute, too!

The bf: He's gayer than a three dollar bill!

[---story change---]

Tammy says she takes work wherever she gets it, and Jerry had insane trouble saying that. Richard made a buzzer sound at him.

She's having sex with a guy for money, because her bf won't work.

Jerry: Is he your only customer? Audience: [laughs for a while] Jerry: Must be... [turns to the audience] Ohhhh, stop it! Do you have any idea how far I live from her town?

Mike, the bf.

Mike: How could you do this to me, Stehh--uh, Tammy??

Jerry: Stacy-Tammy or Tammy-Stacy... I should tell you, we let our guests use other names on the show, but now the whole cover's blown...

Mike has a highschool education. Jerry: See, there are people on our show with a highschool education...

Jason, the guy Tammy's been sleeping with for money. He's a mutual friend.

Jerry: ...Jason has no qualms about doing this to his buddy-- Jason: Nope.

Jason: Tammy. Show me wwuh why we came here for...

Jason can barely speak.

[---story change---]

Kelly says she's finally found an honest man to make her happy.

But she's married.

Mark, the husband.

Kelly: I'm sleeping with one of your best friends. Mark: But guess what, you stupid bitch, I already know!

Mark: When you signed that marriage certificate, that made you my property!

Jerry: [golf-whisper as Mark and Kelly scream at eachother] This marriage appears to be in difficulty.

Ron, the bf/friend. Mark gave him *permission* to sleep with Kelly.

Ron has a gf.

Ron's gf: You bastard! How are you gonna do this to me?!

Ron's gf and Kelly are friends.

Mark must be a Leo...

[---Final Thought---]

What?? What happened to the Q&A??

Jerry said "disthonesty"...

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Jason---]

Discussing how often Jason hires Tammy.

Tuesday, October 23, 2001

My head is killing me, so no new post tonight. Sorry, guys.

Following is an old post from before I started the blog--non-Springer related notes are also included, as they are in my notes file. Sharaya is a friend of mine.

---------

::boggles at a woman on Springer:: This woman is gonna marry her father... is that legal?

She says she was 16 when she started sleeping with her father... Jerry said, 'He ought to be hung by the toes... or whatever else is sticking up.'

He's actually being emotional about this one... Springer is...

"The worst nightmares I ever had, happened to me over a serious of three days." From the nightmare thread on Teenage Wildlife...

Springer: Have you ever wondered how hot hell is?

He keeps telling people 'ssh'... the people, and the audience...

::laughs madly:: Also from the nightmare thread on TW... ""That is really amazing," he said. "That really is truly amazing. That is so amazingly amazing I think I'd like to steal it.""

::blinks:: The father's name is Randy, the girl's name is Brandy. And he's fucking her... egotistical?

Jerry: Have you ever slept with any of your other children? Randy: No. You can bite my ass.

Jerry's standing waaay up in the audience...

Jerry: We've been doing this show for [some] years, and I keep saying nothing's crazier than this... well, nothing's crazier than this... Randy: Could be a cow. Jerry: [falters] What? Randy: It could be a cow. Jerry: [looks boggled] --Audience freaks out.--

The security guys are calming things down:)

Randy's ex-friend threw punch [from a bowl] at him, splashed the camera... the security guys are having trouble calming things down, this time... Jerry's in the audience, with his hand over his mouth... looks like he's gonna laugh...

Beeep beeeeep beep... bah. Censorship is bad.

Jerry: You can't really be married-- Randy: Well, fine, Jerry, if you're not gonna do it, you can kiss my ass.

::BOL:: Jerry: I guess--I guess if he doesn't kick my butt, we'll be back. [cut to commercial]

Eck, this next chick looks like Sharaya... a lot. ::laughs:: It's a tranvestite... ::laughs more:: She's chasing Todd [security guy] around the studio, he's hiding behind other security guys... the audience loves it.

Jerry's laughing muchly at Todd's face...

Audience: [boos and yells] Transvestite: [blandly] Boo you, boo you, screw you, shut up...

Ew, my feet are going to sleep...

She, the transvestite, ought to stop saying, 'Your point?' She's kinda using it like 'y'know?'

Jerry: [I think referring to the food on the stage, from the Randy-Brandy thing, fight with the ex-friend] We like to feed our guests, so if you get hungry...


This woman says she's a hooker. Audience: Dir-ty whore! Dir-ty whore!

The hooker's boyfriend. 'What kind of a *hooker* would get paid for sex?' *What?*

::BOL:: Brandy just called someone in the audience immature:p

Steve, the bald security guy, is sitting on stage... the transvestite doesn't like Steve, just Todd;)

Audience guy, to Randy and Brandy: How does it feel to be WHITE TRASH?

::laughs:: Audience guy: [to Randy] What makes you think you can walk down the street and not get your ass kicked? Randy: You must like it or you wouldn't be here! Audience: [chanting] We like Jerry! We like Jerry! We like Jerry! Randy: Yeah, I already told Jerry what he can do!

Steve is sitting onstage... between a guy who isn't gay, and Brandy...

Jerry's making a big deal out of how bad this guy sleeping with his daughter is... on his 'final thought' thing...