Saturday, October 13, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

I've got a puppy sitting next to me, and she looked up and listened to the opening chants;)

"Feisty Women Face Off"

Tracy's sister is sleeping with Tracy's husband.

Tracy: My sister is a hunnert percent bitch!

Tracy has her sister's name tattooed just above her breast, because they used to be best friends.

Tracy: I'm from Alabama, I've never seen snow before, and when I saw them together, I just snapped.
((Um, what?))

SpringerCam, they're fighting in front of the studio... Tracy, the sister, and the husband... and it is snowing. "455" is on some building in the background...

Toni, the sister. She has the same tattoo above her breast, presumably with "Tracy" on it.

Steve made Toni put her chair back where the chairs normally go, instead of closer to the audience. Toni: Do I got to, Steve? Steve: Yeah, you do. [moves the chair]

Audience person: WHORE! Toni: [pause] You prob'ly are, too!
((Oh, good comeback.))

Brian, the husband.

Jerry: [creeps out onstage]

Tracy: [holds up a shoe] I'm'on'throw this shoe at'er! [A security guy takes the shoe from her]

Brian: The... situation... with the children is as much to blame my fault as...
((What?))

Oh, she's spelled Traci...

Brian: Lemme get this correct...

Brian: I don't see where the trust is gonna come from again...
((Brian talks funny.))

Traci: [to Jimmy] You too big, I can't fight you!

Whoa, maniacal laughter from the audience.

What? What?! Brian asked Toni to marry her, and she said no. She's back stage and talking to Jerry. She said, "*Why?* *Why* would he ask me to marry him? He's married to my sister!"

[---story change---]

Elayna's bf cheated on her with the town whore.

Jerry: Just, for my own information, what town is this?

SpringerCam, Elayna and her bf fighting in the skating rink:p They knocked the cameraperson over...

Audience: TOWN WHORE TOWN WHORE TOWN WHORE!

Ah, she's spelled Alena.

Jessica, the town whore.

Josh, the bf.

What? Josh says he's been cheating through the whole two-year relationship with Alena, and *Jessica* walks offstage, crying.

[---story change---]

Helen, who looks about a hundred and ten, says her grandson met a whore.

Helen: She ain't nothin' but an ol' bitchin' whore and I'm'on' whip her ass.

Lisha? Alisha? The whore.

Heh, Jerry is holding Helen back;)

Johnny, the grandson.

[---Q&A---]

Audience woman: My question is for the girl in black and the sister and the... whatever you call him... Several audience members: Boyfriend.

Audience guy: Hey, this is the only show where I know I can come see some *ignorance.* You all *dumb.* Especially *you,* you're *stupid!*

Toni: Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry! Jerry: What, what, what?

[---Final Thought---]

"Love is the source of the greatest pain and the greatest joy..."

"Take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Helen---]

Helen: I wanted to hit'em. Steve: I know, but we can't let you hit her...

Friday, October 12, 2001

Again I wish to say, I don't proofread before I post. Umm, that's meant to be "how he goes to bars and buys..."
Weird search string that led here: "programming helps"

Weird search string in general: "marrying a slut"

1pm, new season showing. Yay:)

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JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Scandalous Springer Secrets"

I just woke up, I missed some of the show... some short guy with the same accent as Mayor O'Malley of Baltimore is talking about how to goes to bars and buys peoples' underwear.

Jerry: [looks boggled at the guy's story, turns to the audience] I do this for a *living.*

Jerry: Whaddya do with the underwear? Guy: I-I-- Jerry: I don't wanna know.

The guy wants to buy underwear from the audience.

Whoa... some girl is taking off her underwear, onstage, desperately trying to hide herself...

::blinks:: The guy gave her the money, then gave her her underwear back.

Jerry: We've been talkin' to Russ, uh... and it's about as weird as it gets... Russ: I can get weirder!

Russ says he's a senior citizen.

He says he calls his wife his honey-bunny.

Ilene, the wife...

Ilene: [runs out] What, are you crazy?! I'm *really pissed!*

Jerry: You've been with him for thirty years, you must know... you... know... he's, uh, he's nuts!

He just bought another pair of underwear, from another audience girl. Wouldn't that be funny? I'd keep the dollar. "Hey, why's that dollar tacked to the wall?" "Yeah, um, that's the dollar I got when I sold my underwear on Springer."

::laughs madly:: Ilene suggested Russ put underwear on the dog.

[---story change---]

Jerry: Welcome back. Imagine having a secret so scandalous the only place you feel comfortable revealing it is on the Jerry Springer Show!

David is sleeping with his brother's gf.

Evil big blue KLUMP! graphic...

Shawn, the brother.

Shawn has suspected his gf of cheating.

David: Yyeh, mama mighta give you d' looks, but daddy ga'me d' package.

Shawn: Come over here, little brother, so I can bash you on national TV!

Michelle, the gf. Audience: SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT! Michelle: [to the audience] Bitch!

David: If I'm so little why's she with me? Michelle: You ain' all that. Jerry: The package is shrinking even as we speak...

Ah! David has a bf. He is *not happy.*

The bf: You are gay! You are gay! Audience: YOU ARE GAY YOU ARE GAY YOU ARE GAY YOU ARE GAY!

Jerry: You say you're not gay? You're sleepin' with a guy, that sounds gay.

VO promo guy: Tap into your insanity! For your free tickets...

[---story change---]

A guy called Steve says his wife is cheating.

Valerie, the wife.

Valerie: You're afraid to look for a job, afraid somebody might give you one...

Russ, Valerie's new bf. ::blinks:: How often are two people in the same building names Russ?

This Russ has palsy.

Russ picked Valerie up at a bus stop, and took her to work:p

Jerry: Are you livin' with him? [Russ] Valerie: Yeah. Jerry: Do you live near the bus stop? Audience: [laughs] Valerie: [grins at him] Jerry: I got a thousand of'em...

Steve: I'll give you a divorce, but not to marry him. Valerie: I'll get a divorce. This is America, I'll get a divorce one way or the other.

::frowns:: Special news report... on the Anthrax thing...

"We now return you to our regularly scheduled program..." Sure. Two minutes before the hour.

After a few commercials...
"We now join our regularly scheduled program, already in progress..."

[---Dave walking down hall with underwear-Russ---]

Dave says he'll give Russ his underwear if he'll wear the black lacy ones he got from the audience girl over his eye and talk to him like a pirate for five minutes. So Russ did, and Dave did. Russ complained that they weren't autographed. Steve looked at them and said, "These are Todd's! He's wearing Todd's underwear!"
::look down at the last post:: Oh... well, I didn't mean to be that weirdly redundant.

---------

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Freaky Sex Stories"

I missed the beginning of the segment because I was re-heating some food... and because it didn't come on till 2:65, because of the Presidential Press Conference earlier in the evening pushing everything backward...

Dave says every time he wants to do something with his gf, "her plate is always full", Jerry's words.

Dave: I think she's cheatin' on me, is what I think the deal is.

Dave: I'm not for sure. Jerry: Well... let's let you talk to her, see if you can be... for sure...
((I *hate* "I'm not for sure"... people say it where I live. I hate it.))

Aleeta?! Did they just introduce her as Aleeta?? I had a dream a couple nights ago with a human-shaped cat named Aleeta...

Her new bf dresses the way she wants him to... in a bra and panties.

Audience: FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK!

Ha... she's taking off her bra and panties for Dave to wear...

::laughs:: Audience: PUT IT ON STEVE PUT IT ON STEVE PUT IT ON STEVE!

There's a guy in the audience wearing a big blue shirt with "hey!" in big white block letters all over it...

[---story change---]

Jessica is cheating on her husband.

Jessica: Yeah, Jerry, I'm sleepin' with another man. Jerry: That has *never* happened before on our show!

Jessica: It was the Fourth of July-- Jerry: The fireworks went off... Jessica: Yeah... he's so romantic-- Jerry: He say, 'Hey, you wanna see my sparkler'?

Patrick, the husband. Cowboy hat.

Patrick: [to the bf, who is a friend] How do you do my like dis??

Patrick: I had to squealin' like a pig lastnight! Audience: [cheers, laughs, and makes squeaky noises]

[---Q&A---]

What? Already?

Yay, the guy in the hey! shirt.

Oh... I must've missed more than I thought...

One of the security guys has glasses... doesn't that seem a bit of a hazard?

[---Final Thought---]

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Jimmy consulting a guy from a segment I missed---]

Jimmy is considering a pretty black sparkly dress. I think it would look great.

---------

Aand, a bonus, one of my first sets of Springer notes, from before I wrote them in a presentable manner;) The note about Steve Irwin is unrelated to Springer, of course.

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April 4-2001-3:13am--::boggles at Springer:: This guy 'became gay' because his girlfriend made him mad? 'You turned me gay!' Uh, what?

He ran to Baltimore to get away from her... heh.

"You know, I used to love you, but now I hate all women." This man is fucked...

::BOL:: Jerry: How long ago was this? [this woman's husband slept with her best friend] Woman: About two years, Jerry. Jerry: I can't believe you didn't call this show then.

The audience likes mention of 'group sex';)

::grins:: This guy keeps saying 'basically', Jerry sort of mocked him for it...

Jerry's waving his hand at the chanting audience and saying, 'Ssh, ssh.'

He's doing it again...

Steve Irwin is fast...

A woman in the audience took the mic and Jerry walked up into the audience...

Thursday, October 11, 2001

bubbles links to this blog.
The MIT Language Identifier says it's Dutch.

The comment is "Mis nooit meer een Jerry Springer aflevering!" is the comment..."

According to travlang's Dutch-English dictionary:

mis
1. incorrect, wrong
2. mass

nooit
1. never

meer
1. accidental, additional
2. lake, loch
3. more
4. another, one more
5. else, further, more, on

aflevering
1. episode
2. exercise-book, folder, notebook
3. delivery

And it doesn't list "een"... so, umm... I can't decipher that. Any Dutch-speakers wanna translate for me, please? mistacat@lyekka.com
The tracker says Eww,Gene!com links to here; thanks. Sorry I don't have screenshots, but some other sites do;)

:Punky.com:Log de plume also links here, and quotes a bit, but the comments are in another language... I'm looking for the language guesser...

Wednesday, October 10, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Steve to the Rescue II" Ooooooo!!

This woman's niece is with "a very very bad man"...

SpringerCam, they're at the niece's house.

SpringerCam, Guy: Bring Jerry Springer's ass in here!

SpringerCam, guy: Now you get that damn Jerry Springer Show outta my house!

SpringerCam, Guy: Oh, you're back. What'd you do, bring Big Bad Jerry Springer? Woman: No, I brought Big. Bad. Steve!

Steve is being scaaary. Cooool.

Steve has a cool accent.

Ooo, and he's wearing cool fingerless gloves...

Audience: STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE!

Roger, the guy.

Roger: ...and because you brought me on this show, it's gonna be ten times worse! Audience: YOU SUCK YOU SUCK YOU SUCK YOU SUCK!

Audience: SIT'EM DOWN, STEVE SIT'EM DOWN, STEVE!

Steve has a clip-on mic, cool.

::laughs madly:: Oh, *yeah.* Jerry: [to Roger] You stay in your seat, because you don't want me comin' up there!

Roger: [to the woman] You slut! Jerry: [stage-whispers to the audience] Is he lookin' at me?

[---story change---]

Jenny's daughter is sleeping with her husband.

Jenny: I don't know what to do! Lone audience person: KICK HER ASS!

SpringerCam, cab guy: Please, please, not swearing in my cab.

The cabbie is not happy. He's throwing them out of his cab.

Audience: SICKO SICKO SICKO SICKO SICKO!

Audience: HO-HO HO-HO HO-HO HO-HO!

[---story change---]

Cindy is torn between two men.

Jerry: She wanted Dick, but she settled for Bob...

Robert, and Chris, the two men...

Chris: Her parents want her to be with Arkansas Bob there! Jerry: I thought it was Arkansas Bill?

[---Q&A---]

Audience guy: To the guy on the end (from the first segment), there... if you had your girl trained so well, why didn't you have her shave your back?

Audience woman: Can I hug Todd? Jerry: Sure--Todd?! Yeah! [She goes to hug Todd] Audience: TODD'S A WHORE TODD'S A WHORE TODD'S A WHORE! Jerry: That makes, what, four years in a row Todd's been hugged?

Someone hugged Steve, so the audience chanted STEVE'S A WHORE... and Steve said, "Richard isn't even there." I'm wondering what significance that has...

"Are you brave enough to journey into the lost realm of Jerry's World?" The VO promo guy. Hehe.

[---Final Thought---]

"Men and girls who are father and daughter can only be that: father and daughter. They have to find their dates elsewhere."

"Take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Steve banging on a stage door---]

Todd's inside, he won't come out because he doesn't get many hugs.

::laughs hysterically:: Steve called for the battering ram. Some other security guys brought *Dave* in, on a dolly, and one tipped him forward into the arms of Steve and the other guys. They used *Dave* as a battering ram! They *hit his head* on the door until Todd opened it! ::laughs wildly:: Then they all cracked up...

Tuesday, October 09, 2001

My laptop is fixed! But the desktop isn't. Sigh.

My head is killing me.

Odd search strings in the tracker:

see Jerry Springer show.com, particularly strange because "site:jerryspringer.blogspot.com" is in the url...

angela is a whore

dirty dave show

threesome statistics

Heh. People sure are weird.