Thursday, October 04, 2001

I am now on indefinite leave, I think. Because my computer is evil and is being taken in to the shop tomorrow; who knows how long they'll keep it. Under such circumstances, I would normally use my laptop, but it's broken, too:p Grr.

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JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Wedding Day Disasters"

Beba's best friend (also cousin) is sleeping with her bf.

Beba: She's trailer park trash! Big-time trash! Jerry: [grins] Well, there's no place for that on *our* show.

Frannie, the cousin/best friend.

Frannie says she's going to marry James, right now.

Jerry: [to the semi-naked Frannie] Well, the good news is, your lingerie matches our chairs.

Jerry: What's that tattoo say? Frannie: [pulls her bra down to reveal the whole tattoo and runs at Jerry] Jerry: [runs away into the audience] I'll take your word for it, just tell me what it says.

Jerry: I'm gonna personally beg you not to rip anything else off.

Here's James.

James says he doesn't love Beba.

Beba is holding the Rev's leg, trying to make him not perform the wedding.

[---story change---]

Tiffany, who is wearing a wedding dress, says no secret will change her mind about wanting to marry Brian.

We'll see.

Brian walks out in a wedding dress. Tiffany: Oh, no! Oh, *hell* no! *Hell* no!

Brian says he's gay.

Tiffany: Hell no! This ain't sexy!

Tiffany ran offstage, so now she and Jerry are sitting down somewhere backstage.

Brian's bf didn't know about Tiffany, and he is *not* happy.

Tiffany: My mama is watchin' this show!

[---story change---]

Ew, Billie is fat and ugly.

Billie wants to marry her bf even though he's sleeping with her best friend.

Jerry: Does he *know* that you two're gonna get married? Billie: Hey, this is Jerry, he's gonna find out. Jerry: I can't tell you how proud of alla this I am.

Billie's best friend is named Tiffany, as well.

Billie's dress isn't zipped up the back...

Audience guy: Whore! Another audience guy: Cow!!

Audience: FAT WHORE FAT WHORE FAT WHORE FAT WHORE!

Jerry: Alright, here he is... he's been watching backstage, here's... Arrrrkim.
((Arkim??))

Arkim: Hey, that's strictly Monica Lewinsky! Audience: MONICA MONICA MONICA MONICA! WE LOVE DEMOCRATS WE LOVE DEMOCRATS WE LOVE DEMOCRATS! VOTE FOR JERRY VOTE FOR JERRY VOTE FOR JERRY!

Tiffany is shaking.

Arkim: Back off, fatass!

Billie is walking around backstage, being followed by a camera. She keeps waving at it.

[---story change---]

Jerry: Please meet... Earrrl.

Earl wants to marry his gf.

Jerry: And there's no church in the neighbourhood, so you figure you'll come to the Jerry Springer Show...

Jenny, not the gf, is here to tell Earl why he's here.

Jenny is dating Earl's gf.

Earl: She never told me! She likes Chuckie! Audience: CHUCKIE CHUCKIE CHUCKIE! Jerry: Chuckie's about to be unlucky... Earl: Now, that's not funny.

Rebecca, the gf.

Oh, she's spelled Jennie.

Audience: WHORE! Rebecca: Kiss my aaaaaaaaass!

Audience: THREESOME THREESOME THREESOME! WE WANT A THREESOME WE WANT A THREE WE WANT A THREESOME! Earl: Hey, can I get a threesome? I want a threesome!

[---Q&A---]

The first Tiffany announced that she is now single, and went into the audience and sat with a woman. Audience: WE LOVE LESBIANS WE LOVE LESBIANS WE LOVE LESBIANS! Jerry: So you decided to like girls now? Tiffany: I might as well!

Audience woman: Everyone in my family knows how much I love your show, Jerry, and I want to thank my grandkids for bringing me here! Jerry: Do you understand that the tickets are free?

Audience: [to three audience women] MARRY STEVE MARRY STEVE MARRY STEVE! FOURSOME WITH STEVE FOURSOME WITH STEVE FOURSOME WITH STEVE!

Audience guy: I'm just curious, who is this Chuckie and where is he? Audience: WE LOVE CHUCKIE WE LOVE CHUCKIE WE LOVE CHUCKIE! Earl: I can't bring out Chuckie...

[---Final Thought---]

"Take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Security guys all making bets---]

They're betting on a sumo fight between Frannie and Billie.

Tuesday, October 02, 2001

I was just watching The Naked Chef, and at the end, Jamie Oliver said, "If I were Jerry Springer, I'd say, take care of yourself." Hehehehe.
JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Steeeve...

"Dumped...On Springer"

Michele says her bf has dumped her for the last time.

Ohhh... Michele has a dump-truck full of manure. I think I've blogged this episode, and so has my mother...

Jerry: That... was really cow dung? Michele: Yes sir it sure is.

Morgan, Michele's bf's gf.

*Oh!* I think this is the first episode I ever saw! There's a woman in the audience with Andy Warhol hair.

Heh. Morgan put her shirt back on. Audience: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

[---story change---]

Rosa's bf is cheating.

Rosa: Me an' her started fightin'. Audience: [cheers] Jerry: We have to say that we officially disapprove of such behaviour. ((paraphrase)) Audience: [boooos]

Denise, the bf's gf.

Jerry: Okay, we got... two hos is a ho-ho.

Whoa... there's an outline of Denise's face, sort of, on Steve's shirt. Because her makeup rubbed off when she ran into him.

Marcus, the guy.

Steve: [to Marcus] Take a deep breath.

[---story change---]

Dena says her bf doesn't understand what she needs.

Dena is bisexual. The audience is happy.

Brian, the bf.

Melinda, Dena's new gf.

[---Q&A---]

A woman asked one of the guys if he respects his penis, because he isn't gonna have it long if he keeps sleeping with everything. Audience: RESPECT YOUR [BEEP; PENIS]

Audience: GO TO ROSIE GO TO ROSIE GO TO ROSIE!

[---Final Thought---]

"The heart is nothing to play with."

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Steve and the woman who's makeup rubbed off on Steve's shirt---]

Todd drew a picture on another security guy's shirt. A sort of square face-shape, representing himself.
This is from a couple days ago, because my computer is *evil* and wouldn't let me get to blogger. Then the days after that, I was just lazy. Um. Sorry.

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JERRY JERRY JERRY!

Steeeeve...

"Engagements Explode"

Jerry: Aww, what a nice audience! Audience: [cheers] Jerry: We're having such a good time, they ought to televise this!

Crystal is disgusted that she, herself, cheated on her fiancee.

Crystal: Y'all can't be booin' me, you all paid to come to this show! Jerry: No, they didn't pay... frankly, I think a lot of these people snuck in.

Crystal slept with her cousin, for money.

Here's the cousin. Audience: YOU SUCK YOU SUCK YOU SUCK! Cousin: *YOU* SUCK *YOU* SUCK *YOU* SUCK! Jerry: Bobby, the reason they're, obviously, saying that is... why're you sleepin' with your cousin? Bobby: I love'er.

Wayne, the fiancee.

Crystal: I'm here, I watch the Springer Show 24/7, and when the cousins come on, I say, that's disgusting. Audience: [laughs] Jerry: I'm sorry...

[---story change---]

Tiffany and Nikia are both here to find something out.

Jerry: The person who brought you here doesn't want to tell you in person... well, he will in a while, that's why we've got the [third] chair, and they're very expensive, as you know.

Their bf was very evil, telling them, on the SpringerCam.

Jerry: This guy... uh... this... um... this guy... uhh... this guy's a real ass[beep; hole].

JB, the guy.

Whoa, Tiffany is *tall.*

WTH? JB wants Nikia back. After calling her names on the SpringerCam, he wants to apologize to her and have her back.

[---story change---]

Vinnie is sleeping with his best friend's fiancee.

Joey, the best friend.

Vinnie won't stop grinning, but Joey is shaking. Hrmm.

Joey: You been my best friend for six freakin' years, how could you do this to me? Vinnie: C'mon, man, it ain't that bad, is it?

Steve, after breaking up a fight: [to Vinnie] He starts chargin', you run the other way.

Here's the fiancee. She seems to be angry with Joey.

[---Q&A---]

Audience lady: [to Jerry] Happy New Year.

Audience girl hugs Steve...

The last two audience people seemed to be drunk. Jerry: Todd, what, what time does the bar close?

[---Final Thought---]

"Sadly, love just *isn't* enough."

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Crystal and her fiancee---]