JERRY JERRY JERRY...
"Wedding Day Disasters"
Beba's best friend (also cousin) is sleeping with her bf.
Beba: She's trailer park trash! Big-time trash! Jerry: [grins] Well, there's no place for that on *our* show.
Frannie, the cousin/best friend.
Frannie says she's going to marry James, right now.
Jerry: [to the semi-naked Frannie] Well, the good news is, your lingerie matches our chairs.
Jerry: What's that tattoo say? Frannie: [pulls her bra down to reveal the whole tattoo and runs at Jerry] Jerry: [runs away into the audience] I'll take your word for it, just tell me what it says.
Jerry: I'm gonna personally beg you not to rip anything else off.
James says he doesn't love Beba.
Beba is holding the Rev's leg, trying to make him not perform the wedding.
Tiffany, who is wearing a wedding dress, says no secret will change her mind about wanting to marry Brian.
Brian walks out in a wedding dress. Tiffany: Oh, no! Oh, *hell* no! *Hell* no!
Brian says he's gay.
Tiffany: Hell no! This ain't sexy!
Tiffany ran offstage, so now she and Jerry are sitting down somewhere backstage.
Brian's bf didn't know about Tiffany, and he is *not* happy.
Tiffany: My mama is watchin' this show!
Ew, Billie is fat and ugly.
Billie wants to marry her bf even though he's sleeping with her best friend.
Jerry: Does he *know* that you two're gonna get married? Billie: Hey, this is Jerry, he's gonna find out. Jerry: I can't tell you how proud of alla this I am.
Billie's best friend is named Tiffany, as well.
Billie's dress isn't zipped up the back...
Audience guy: Whore! Another audience guy: Cow!!
Audience: FAT WHORE FAT WHORE FAT WHORE FAT WHORE!
Jerry: Alright, here he is... he's been watching backstage, here's... Arrrrkim.
Arkim: Hey, that's strictly Monica Lewinsky! Audience: MONICA MONICA MONICA MONICA! WE LOVE DEMOCRATS WE LOVE DEMOCRATS WE LOVE DEMOCRATS! VOTE FOR JERRY VOTE FOR JERRY VOTE FOR JERRY!
Tiffany is shaking.
Arkim: Back off, fatass!
Billie is walking around backstage, being followed by a camera. She keeps waving at it.
Jerry: Please meet... Earrrl.
Earl wants to marry his gf.
Jerry: And there's no church in the neighbourhood, so you figure you'll come to the Jerry Springer Show...
Jenny, not the gf, is here to tell Earl why he's here.
Jenny is dating Earl's gf.
Earl: She never told me! She likes Chuckie! Audience: CHUCKIE CHUCKIE CHUCKIE! Jerry: Chuckie's about to be unlucky... Earl: Now, that's not funny.
Rebecca, the gf.
Oh, she's spelled Jennie.
Audience: WHORE! Rebecca: Kiss my aaaaaaaaass!
Audience: THREESOME THREESOME THREESOME! WE WANT A THREESOME WE WANT A THREE WE WANT A THREESOME! Earl: Hey, can I get a threesome? I want a threesome!
The first Tiffany announced that she is now single, and went into the audience and sat with a woman. Audience: WE LOVE LESBIANS WE LOVE LESBIANS WE LOVE LESBIANS! Jerry: So you decided to like girls now? Tiffany: I might as well!
Audience woman: Everyone in my family knows how much I love your show, Jerry, and I want to thank my grandkids for bringing me here! Jerry: Do you understand that the tickets are free?
Audience: [to three audience women] MARRY STEVE MARRY STEVE MARRY STEVE! FOURSOME WITH STEVE FOURSOME WITH STEVE FOURSOME WITH STEVE!
Audience guy: I'm just curious, who is this Chuckie and where is he? Audience: WE LOVE CHUCKIE WE LOVE CHUCKIE WE LOVE CHUCKIE! Earl: I can't bring out Chuckie...
"Take care of yourself, aaand eachother."
[---Security guys all making bets---]
They're betting on a sumo fight between Frannie and Billie.