Friday, September 28, 2001

I've added a message board, mostly because I can't figure out if there's a blog comments system that works with blogspot.
I'm up for the 1pm Springer, and, heyyy, it's new season! Yay.

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Ooooooo, new season! Trash-filled alley opening sequence;p

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Mom Stole My Man"

Angie has been sleeping with her son's gay lover for about two months now.

Audience: WHORE WHORE WHORE WHORE! Angie: That's me!

Angie: If you son was sleeping with a man, wouldn't you do all you could to prevent him was doin' it? Jerry: I can honestly say that if I had a son, and my son had a gay lover, I would not sleep with him.

Angie: One day we [her and the gay lover] were watchin' your show... Jerry: Oh, fine, blame it on us. Angie: The show was about a mother and... [something] So we say, okay, let's do it, let's get jiggy wid it. Jerry: If we had that guy who married his horse, would you suddenly say, 'heyyy, let's go get a horse!'?

Angie: No offense, Steve, but God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. Audience: STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE! Jerry: Well help me out, then, who created Steve?

His name is Elton! The son's name is Elton!

Angie and Elton are yelling at eachother.
Jerry: This is pathetic.

Rodney, the bf.

Rodney: [to Elton] She's more of a man than you are!

::laughs:: Promo: You'll laugh, you'll cry, but mostly you'll just be glad you don't work on this stupid show.

Rodney: I love your mother. She's more of a man than you'll ever be, I wanna be with her.
((Heheheheh, where else can you hear lines like this?))

Jerry: You have a husband... Angie: Yes. Jerry: Does he know anything about this? Angie: No, but bein' as this is the Springer Show, I guess he does now.

::blinks:: Angie's husband has said "fag" twice, and they beeped it the second time. Why?

Rodney looks a bit like a tall Sonny Bono.

[---story change---]

Dana says he soul mate has been under her nose her whole life.

Ah. Her sister.

The audience is not pleased.

Audience: INCEST WHORE INCEST WHORE INCEST WHORE INCEST WHORE! Dana: I got yer whore, I got yer whore... whatever, whatever...

She is *not* allowed to be named Dana.

WTF? Giant blue "KLUMP!" screen as the sister's fiancee comes out... that's. Icky.

::blinks:: The sister is saying "I love you *as* a sister, but not in that way"... er, so... why? Why did you do it?

The sister: I wanted to experiment, so who more to do it with than my sister?
((*What?*))

Lisa, the sister.

Dana: How can you sleep with someone who doesn't even take a bath?? Lisa: [long pause] I don't know, it's kinda hard, but I do it.

((paraphrase))
Dana: No. You're stayin' with me. Lisa: No I'm not! Jerry: Well, she's gonna hafta consent--what'll you do, tie her down? Dana: [starts grinning] Jerry: Does--does that take place? Do you tie her down? Dana: [big grin] Sure, I'll tie 'er down!
((/paraphrase))

Audience: [to Lisa] GET ON YOUR KNEES GET ON YOUR KNEES GET ON YOUR KNEES! Lisa: [does so] Audience: KISS HIS FEET KISS HIS FEET KISS HIS FEET! Lisa: [stands up] Audience: BOOOOO! Jerry: [to the audience] If she's already on her knees, why do you think kissing the *feet* will do it? Audience: [laughs] Jerry: That's a waste of a good position...

[---story change---]

Aneatha?

Aneatha: I've been through 21 marriages. Jerry: You've WHAT? You've had 21 marriages?? Aneatha: Yes.

Aneatha has a lot of hair.

Aneatha is sleeping with her daughter's bf.

Jerry: 21 husbands isn't enough, you now gotta have her boyfriend?

The daughter: You have no right to do this to me. Aneatha: I reckon I do.
((Heh. "Reckon". Common word where I live.))

Aneatha and the daughter took their clothes off and yelled at eachother for a while. Jerry: [breaking in] First of all, let me apologize for having clothing on.

Aneatha: Life don't evolve around you, Michelle!
((Evolve?))

Aneatha: [to Michelle] You're plum ignernt!
((::snickers::))

Charlie, the bf.

Charlie doesn't want either one of them. And he has a new gf.

Erin, the new gf.

[---Q&A---]

Audience guy: This doesn't have anything to do with the show, but I'm goin' bowling tonight, Jerry, can I wear them shoes please? Jerry: [annoyed-sounding] Yeah, and when you go swimming you can wear my thong. Audience: LET'S SEE LET'S SEE LET'S SEE LET'S SEE! Jerry: You'll just have to watch Baywatch.

An audience guy told Elton to be a proud gay man, like him, and the audience made them kiss. Heheh. Then the guy tried to kiss Jerry;)

[---Final Thought---]

"In love a heart can never be stolen. It only goes where it wants to."

"Take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Aneatha---]

Discussing her 21 marriages.

Hehehehe, the trashed alley closing sequence...

Thursday, September 27, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Bizarre Secret Lovers"

Jerry: A while back, we had a guy who had an unusual sex fetish... he liked to be a dog for one day a month. Audience: [cheers and barks] Jerry: You know what's shameful? Some of you remember that.

They've brought this man back because a blind woman has him being her seeing eye dog.

SpringerCam, the blind woman and her human seeing eye dog are being thrown out of lots of places... but no one's saying, "That's not a dog."

The dog-guy is chasing Jerry. Mean.

Audience: SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT BAD DOG BAD DOG BAD DOG BAD DOG!

Deanna, the blind woman.

Chris, the guy. "Chris is Deanne's seeing-eye dog", says the pop-up. Heheh.

Jerry: I'm just thinkin', what if someone's at home just tuning us in? How do you explain this?

Deanna: [to the audience] You're just jealous cos you ain't gettin' none! Audience person: [yells] We don't want none!

Deanna's other bf: [screams insanely] Steve: [grinning] Relax, man.

Shannon, the bf. "Shannon just found out his girlfriend is cheating on him with a man who acts like a dog.", say the popup

Chris: [to Shannon] Hey, I may be a freak, but I'm a freak with *your* woman!

Muffin. Chris is known as Muffin.

[---story change---]

Jeanne is sick of her friend ruining her life.

Jeanne: Ileen does not know how to keep her... thing... in her pants. She's constantly sleeping with my boyfriends. It's not the first time she's done it. Jerry: Why has she got a thing in her pants?

Jerry: Why does she keep sleeping with your men? Jeanne: She must like the taste of my--[makes a face, stops] Audience: [makes many shocked faces and cheers]

Ileen: Hi, Jerry. Jerry: Hi. Ileen: How're you? Jerry: I happen to be fine, thank you for enquiring.

Dave, the bf.

[---story change---]

Roxanne suspects her bf of cheating.

Roxanne: I'm on your show, and when I'm on your show, I know something's wrong.
((How often are you on Jerry's show, Roxanne?))

Dale, the bf.

Liza, Dale's new gf.

[---Q&A---]

Audience guy: [sings] Kibbles and bits and bits and BITS!

Audience guy: [to pencil-thin Ileen] I clean my *ears* witchoo!
((Hehehe, I'll have to remember that one.))

Audience lady for Steve's head, ::grins::

[---Final Thought---]

"Let's face it, to be on our show, your story has to be pretty outrageous."

"I'm not saying that normal behaviour doesn't belong on tv, it just doesn't belong on *our* show."

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Steve sitting reading Jerry's book, eating a sandwich---]

Steve: Aww, Jerry left out all the best parts...

Another security guy ran up to Steve, yelling that there was a big fight. He led Steve down a couple halls, where they come upon... Todd, treed by Chris, on a high shelf. Todd is hissing and rrreowing at Chris, and Chris is barking. Steve got Chris to go away, then helped Todd down, saying, "Good kitty";p

Wednesday, September 26, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Bizarre Love Stories"

Eeeee, it's Kenny the half man thing. He scares me, I'm not gonna watch this segment.

The guy behind the studio camera, the one at the very back, was chanting and waving his arm...

I'll direct you to the 8/29/01 post, for notes on this episode.

Tuesday, September 25, 2001

I've d/led a new e-mail client, so I can check my mail now. Anyone is free to email me--mistacat@lyekka.com.

Got another guestbook entry (which, strangely, did not show up in the guestbook, but was auto-mailed to me) from a Show guest. Rick? I'll watch for your episode, to verify your reality;) Would you like to send me some exclusive notes?

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JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Forbidden Lovers"

Linda is sleeping with her soninlaw.

I've seen this one...

SpringerCam, Linda: Suck my toes. Soninlaw: I don't wanna suck your toes!

Audience: SICKENING WHORE SICKENING WHORE SICKENING WHORE!

Kelly, the daughter.

Kelly: [to Linda] You're callin' *me* the whore?! *You're* the whore!!

Linda: She's [Kelly] came between me and every boyfriend I've had!
((I *hate* it when people use "came" incorrectly.))

Linda: How's it make you feel your old man went to *bed* with me and made passionate looove? Kelly: It makes me feel like whoopin' yer ass!

The soninlaw: ...she started feelin' of me...
((That's one of the weirdest phrases. To "feel of" something. It's said where I live, commonly.))

Audience: KISS HER FEET KISS HER FEET KISS HER FEET! [Soninlaw kisses Kelly's feet.] Audience guy: KISS JERRY'S FEET! Audience: KISS JERRY'S FEET KISS JERRY'S FEET KISS JERRY'S FEET! Audience guy: KISS STEVE'S HEAD! Audience: KISS STEVE'S HEAD KISS STEVE'S HEAD KISS STEVE'S HEAD!

Audience: [to the soninlaw] JUST SAY NO JUST SAY NO JUST SAY NO JUST SAY NO!

[---story change---]

Christy's bf is sleeping with her friend.

Shawna, the friend.

Christy: HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME, HUH?? Shawna: COS I FELT LIKE IT!

Bill, the bf.

Audience: BARK LIKE A DOG! BARK LIKE A DOG! BARK LIKE A DOG! Jerry: [barks twice]

((I turned closed captioning on, and there's something wrong with it. It's saying things like:

"eahre ytne"
"óhat/wh y tol w,"
"i wis wgie"
"thhrti i"
"onne! do es!"
"ed it on se sak oeaereri lovyo d s t h>>t"
"her?theronnkeje d"
"doue o"
"doue o etan"
"ouay s h e"
"en: jey!"
"opppry!"
"en: jey! opinouo! yo o b"
"on, h|d"
"crl he heruhi l, whlith u k e]"
"t,ouay to,"
"ytoesusthal"

An alien transmission, perhaps.))

Eeeee, the promo just said Kenny-the-half-guy will be on the next episode... he scares me...

[---story change---]

Emilie has waited long enough for her bf to make a decision.

William, the bf.

Jerry: Why [are you tired of her after ten years]? William: Let me go with you for ten years! Audience: [cheers] JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY!

Jerry: If you think you'll cheat on her, smile. William: [purposefully does not smile]

[---Q&A---]

Jerry: [moving back and forth through the audience] Can't people raise their hands on the same side of the room? I'll have a heart attack.

[---Final Thought---]

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Linda---]

Linda's inviting Steve.

Sunday, September 23, 2001

I'm home, and back to normal Springer-watching!

My laptop is broken, though, and that's where I get my mail. Sigh.

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JERRY JERRY JERRY...

I'm in a bit late... it's on SpringerCam, with a fat woman going everyplace naked.

SpringerCam, video store clerk: I'd appreciate it if you wore clothes the next time you come here.

SpringerCam, young man in the store: Need a ride? Her: No, I've brought my car. Man: Aw, man!

"Bizarre Springer Stories"

Helen, the woman. She's wearing nice clothes... but she says the lights are hot and she's uncomfortable, so she's taking the clothes off;)

Heheheh, she chased Jerry all around backstage. Audience: JERRY'S A CHICKEN JERRY'S A CHICKEN!

Jerry: For those of you who just joined us... I don't know what to tell you, I don't know what you missed...

Jerry: And she, uh... chased me down the hall. This is the first time I've ever run away from a naked woman.

Helen's son Chris is very, very unhappy.

Chris: I'm not known as Chris, oh no! I'm known as the naked fat lady's kid! Audience: NAKED FAT LADY'S KID NAKED FAT LADY'S KID NAKED FAT LADY'S KID!
((I think that's the long sentence I've ever heard the audience chant.))

[---story change---]

This is... a man, his wife, his mistress, and their kids, all living together. I think.

SpringerCam, one of the women: Woopty-fuckin'-doo!

SpringerCam, the camera keeps going sorta out of focus

Ah... it's an *ex-husband*, a mistress, and the kids.

Michelle is the ex-wife.

Michelle: [starting to cry] I've got kids with this man... Audience: [sarcastic 'awww' and 'ohhh' and a bit of laughing] Jerry: [turns to them] Thanks for your sensitivity.

Ron, the ex-husband.

Chrissie, the other woman.

[---Q&A---]

Audience guy asked Helen if she really thinks she looks sexy. She said, "I didn't say anything about *sexy.*"

[---Final Thought---]

"In order to be on our show, there's got to be something unusual about you." [paraphrase]

"In and of itself, nudity is not ungodly."

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Helen---]

Steve: I'm usually naked at my house.