"Shocking Springer Stories"
This woman has been married for 30 years, and is now cheating.
Audience guy: OLD SCHOOL WHORE! The audience didn't pick up the chant.
Jerry: With these--with--[laughs] Jerry's a whore, right. Audience: JERRY'S A WHORE JERRY'S A WHORE JERRY'S A WHORE! Jerry: Duuuuh. Aaaand? [laughs] Oh, that's a revelation.
She's been cheating for six years.
Frank, the husband.
Frank: I was told I was an invited guest. Jerry: Well... you gotta good seat. [laughing] An invited guest...
Frank: [to his wife] You. Just. Suck!
"Do you have an unusual lifestyle that shocks your friends and family? Is so, call 1-800-96-JERRY."
Peter, the bf.
Nicola: He [Peter] gives it [sex] freely! Audience: DO IT NOW DO IT NOW DO IT NOW! Jerry: Beee careful what you wish for...
Nicola: I want my independance with someone who supports and loves me! Jerry: Yoouu don't see this drama on other shows.
Nicola: I love this man! And ya know what, if you don't like it, you can kiss my big ass! Audience: [boos, cheers, makes odd noises] Jerry: Okay, we're gonna hafta form a line for this...
Frank: You told me you been doin' this for six years and now you *really* suck! Audience: YOU REALLY SUCK YOU REALLY SUCK YOU REALLY SUCK! Jerry: Well, maybe if you did, the marriage would still be goin'...
Jerry: This is over, you're gon' leave him and marry him? Nicola: Yes. Frank: I don' know how you're gonna do that! The church doesn't recognize divorce!
Micky's gf is cheating.
Micky: ...the professional digital camera that you got. Richard: [laughs]
SpringerCam, Weird parody of a poorly dubbed Chinese film... "Micky and Pao in Spring-roll Surprise!"
Ling, the gf.
Ling: He treated me terrible-ey.
[Micky, Ling, and Pao scream at eachother in Chinese for a while. Jerry gets bored of it and says, "That's easy for you to say."]
The closed captioning says "[SPEAKING CHINESE]"
Jerry: Virginia says she's the queen of trailer-trashing. [Audience cheeeers.] Jerry: What better show than ours to be on?
Her bf is cheating.
Virginia: I am gon' take this bulldozer and bust down that damn trailer roof.
Her bf ran out of the trailer, carrying a fish bowl...
Heheh, I love the episodes where they tear things up.
The closed captioning said, "Now where you gon' store that cow at?" But she said screw. Not store.
Virginia: Take your nasty whore, gimme my goldfish, the wedding's off.
"Virginia's upsell the", says the CC. Jerry really said, "Virginia's upset, here."
Stephanie, the bf's gf.
"Bhoip", says CC. I have no idea.
Audience: TRAILER WHORE TRAILER WHORE TRAILER WHORE!
Dustin, the bf.
Jerry: What's goin' on? Dustin: Jerry, I made a mistake. I know I made a mistake. Stephanie: What you mean you made a mistake?!
Virginia: In your wet dreams you wisht I'd take your sorry ass back!
Dustin I don't love any woman! Audience: ARE YOU GAY ARE YOU GAY ARE YOU GAY? Dustin: I'm all man, Jerry!
A British audience guy: To Nicola, I can't believe your husband's that controlling, if he were, he wouldn't let you leave the house with your hair lookin' like that.
Audience woman: Frank, my brother says he'll whip that boy's ass for you! Audience: DO IT FOR FRANK DO IT FOR FRANK!
"Till next time, take care of yourself, aaand eachother."
[---Dave walking down hall with Pao---]
Dave's asking questions in English and Pao is answering in Chinese... they beeped some Chinese thing and Dave said, "You can't say that on tv."