Saturday, August 11, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

The guy with the medals...

"Fiery Sex Secrets"

Leon is cheating on his gf.

Leon is sleeping with his gf's aunt.

Jerry: Well, she's been watchin' backstage... Leon: [looks shocked] Oh [beep; shit].

Jerry: [about Leon's gf's dress, which is barely there] I've been wondering where my napkin went.

Heheheheheheheh, the gf says the aunt--Tina--is a man:> The look on Leon's face is priceless.

Penny, the gf.

Leon: What kinda freak show are you runnin' in this family??

Leon: I've never been with a man before... Jerry: Yes you have.

Jerry: If two men are having a romantic relationship, that's gay! Or at least jovial...

Jerry: Two guys that are having oral sex are probably gay!!

[---story change---]

Ew. Gary is here to tell his gf that he's sleeping with his brother.

Gary says he's not gay. But he's been sleeping with his brother for five years.

Jerry can't seem to make him understand that *that* is gay...

Here's the brother... Audience: LOSER LOSER LOSER LOSER!

Jerry: [to the brothers] Don't you think this is a bit strange? Gary's gf: Hell yes it's strange!

Audience: INCEST LOSER INCEST LOSER INCEST LOSER!

::laughs at a promo:: Jerry: In the ten years we've been doing this show, you are the sickest man we've seen.

The brother: What we done is wrong, I'm in love with someone else. Kim: I think you're made for eachother.

Cinnamon, the brother's gf, is not happy.

Jerry: So we've seen our last kiss? ((Me: You wanna see another one, Jerry? Lyn: Yeah, [quoting Homicide] this interests you? Obviously Jerry likes to watch, I mean, look what kinda show he has...))

[---story change---]

Daniel is a woman, I think.

Audience: [to Jerry] TAKE IT OFF TAKE IT OFF TAKE IT OFF! Jerry: [according to Lyn, Jerry pulls up his shirt, showing skin; my response was, "Jerry has skin??"]

Tiger, Daniel's gf.

Daniel's dancing, taking off his clothes.

Jerry: [commenting on the change on the stage] Here's your--did people throw that?

Well, nothing was said about Daniel being a woman. But I still say he was.

[---story change---]

Joanna is cheating on her bf with his brother.

There's a very aggressive woman in the audience, keeps standing up and pointing and screaming. It's funny. I think she's wearing an Aries necklace...

The brother is named Jerry. He's not allowed.

"Do you have a bizarre, sexy job? If so, call us at 1-800-96-JERRY."

[---Q&A---]

The audience told the agressive lady to go to Oprah. I wouldn't have risked that. And her necklace looks like a 7, instead of an Aries symbol. I dunno.

[---Final Thought---]

"It's fair to assume none of us are perfect..."


"Take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Daniel trying to teach Todd and other security guys how to dance Chippendale---]

Todd's good;)

Friday, August 10, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Jerry's wearing the same shirt as lastnight...

"Lying Lovers Confronted"

Jerry: Free drinks for everybody! [audience cheers] I'm lyin'...

Scott's gf left him.

Scott: She must've got a wild hair... Jerry: Did you get some tweezers, try t'pluck it?

Charlie, the new guy.

Stephanie, the gf.

Stephanie reminds me of Park Overall.

[---story change---]

Crystal is cheating on her bf with a woman.

The audience is happy;)

Crystal is a stripper...

Audience: WE LOVE STRIPPERS WE LOVE STRIPPERS WE LOVE STRIPPERS!

Ha! Crystal's gf pissed all the men in the audience off, she called them pigs, so they're not going to chant 'WE LOVE LESBIANS':>

[---story change---]

Peggy's man is cheating on her.

Dilla, the other woman.

Peggy and Dilla are similiar...

Randell, the bf.

Audience: COWBOY LOSER COWBOY LOSER COWBOY LOSER!

Jerry: [freaks and backs away from someone, playing it up for the audience] Audience: DON'T HURT JERRY DON'T HURT JERRY DON'T HURT JERRY!

Randell: [to Dilla, about Peggy] She pushed herself on me. Jerry: [stands up, leans down to Randell, whispers] You're gonna hafta to come up with something better than that.

Jerry's shoes are black and white. ::huggles Jerry::

[---Q&A---]

Audience woman said that all the women onstage need respect for themselves. Jerry: That's a fine way to do away with our show. People start respectin' themselves, we won't have a show...

Audience guy wearing a shirt that says something about chew, screw, and "kiss my ass", Jerry thought it was funny.

Crystal's gf: Men are *pigs!* They think with their-- [A security guy shuts her up.] Jerry: Wait a minute, I take personal offense to that. I used to be a man.

[---Final Thought---]

"Love is the greatest force..."

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Todd walking down hall with Randell---]

Todd: Admit it, she didn't overpower you. Randell: Yyeah she did. Todd: You're a *cowboy.*

Thursday, August 09, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Cheaters Confess"

Tisser? Tissa? Is here to confront the woman who's cheating on her bf.

Jerry: Are you flirting with her husband? Shari: I flirt with everybody. Audience: FLIRT WITH JERRY FLIRT WITH JERRY FLIRT WITH JERRY! Shari: [dances at Jerry]

Audience: SIT DOWN WHORE SIT DOWN WHORE SIT DOWN WHORE! Jerry: I'm *sitting* down.

Junior, the fiancee.

Shari is Tissa's sister-in-law.

Shari: [at the audience] Losers!!

Woody, Shari's husband. Someone told him, "Language."

Woody: I'm comin' at you soon as this big guy gets offa me!!! [leaps at the security guy] Jerry: S'not gonna happen. He's not gonna get off you.

[---story change---]

Shelley says three's a crowd.

She and her husband are having a threesome with their neighbour.

Shelley: Everytime we have a fight, he runs over to her for god knows what... Jerry: Probably two-thirds of what he was doing with both of you.

Jerry: Here she is... she's your neighbour, right? Shelley: Yeah. Jerry: Is there a vacancy on the other side of your house?

Audience: THREESOME WHORE THREESOME WHORE THREESOME WHORE!

Jerry: [dodges] I almost got hurt. [makes a cute face at the audience] Audience: DON'T HURT JERRY DON'T HURT JERRY DON'T HURT JERRY!

[---story change---]

Melinda's bf is cheating with Melinda's friend.

April, the friend.

Melinda: [to April] Are you just a little Barbie lookin' whore?? Audience: BARBIE LOOKIN' WHORE BARBIE LOOKIN' WHORE BARBIE LOOKIN' WHORE!

The bf: You pop babies out-- Melinda: You help!!

April stomped on her husband's hat. 'I'M TIRED OF THE COWBOY!!' Audience: WE LOVE COWBOYS WE LOVE COWBOYS WE LOVE COWBOYS!

[---story change---]

Nicole's bf is cheating on her in a bakery.

Jessica, the woman who works at the bakery, who the bf is cheating with. My first impression of Jessica: Jessica has large breasts.

Audience: CUPCAKE WHORE CUPCAKE WHORE CUPCAKE WHORE!

Mike, the bf.

Jerry: Do you put an extra donut in that dozen? Jessica: Yes I do, Jerry! Every night! Jerry: Everynight there's another donut... I don't even wanna know how he makes holes in those donuts...

[---Q&A---]

Audience people think one of the stage guys is old, he says he's 49. Jerry: [starts shaking] 49's not old, guys...

[---Final Thought---]

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Two security guys walking down hall with Jessica--]

They're eating donuts, and the camera guy keeps waving a donut in front of the camera.

Wednesday, August 08, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Rocky Relationships"

Tone's cheating on his gf Christina.

Tone has a fetish.

Tone's covered in rubber.

Cody, the one Tone is cheating with, says everyone has a fetish...

Tone has a foot fetish, too.

Cody's peeling off the rubber.

Tone's gf is not happy.

A camera guy peeled some rubber off of Tone and dangled it in front of the camera.

[---story change---]

Michele caught her bf "romancing another woman."

Ace, the bf.

SpringerCam, Ace: [points at the camera guy] Who's he?! Who's he?! Michele: Forget who he is! He's The Jerry Springer!
((Huh?))

Jerry: [to Ace] You, in a skirt, is not a pretty picture.

[---story change---]

This guy's gf is cheating on him with his uncle...

Jerry: Why would you do that to your nephew? Uncle: He was drunk and stupid. Jerry: So... because he's drunk you sleep with his girlfriend?

Audience: [to the guy] KISS JERRY'S FEET KISS JERRY'S FEET KISS JERRY'S FEET! Jerry: If, if y'like doin' that, I can introduce you to our first guest...

[---story change---]

Jackie's sleeping with this guy's girl.

Jackie: We've been sleeping together for the past... five months. Jerry: Does she know you're a lesbian? Jackie: Yes. Jerry: Well, if you're sleeping with her, I guess she does. [kinda laughs, looks at Richard] It's August...

Neely, the girl.

Audience: [beeeep] Jerry: [looks at whoever it was] I will not.

Jerry's hiding behind his card, peeking out at Neely and Jackie.

Neely: [to the guy] You never ask me what I want on my pizza when you order pizza! I'm done.

[---Q&A---]

Audience chick: I wanted to rub Steve's head, Jerry, can I rub your bald head? Jerry: [leans over] Her: [rubs Jerry's very not-bald head]

Another audience chick wanted a hug from Jerry, and she got really nervous and was shaking, it was so cute:)

Audience woman: Jerry, I just want to say, I think your show is disgusting, trashy, nasty show, and I DON'T MISS A DAY! [Jerry is nodding this whole time, to everything she says.]

[---Final Thought---]

Someone sitting in the audience has a shirt that says "GO JERRY" on the back.

((I missed the whole Final Thought because my cat sat on the remote...))

[---Steve's Corner--]

Talking to Ace, who said, at one point, "Most definitely."

Sunday, August 05, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Steeeve!

((Lyn: Steve Steve Steve Steve!!))

"Secret Sex Partners"

Candy's husband is cheating on her with his cousin.

There's a pink flamingo leaning against her trailer...

And there's a Barney sheet pinned to one window...

Penny, the cousin.

One of them screamed, 'WHOOP MY ASS, BITCH!!'

Jamie, the husband/cousin/bf.

Chris, Penny's husband.

Evil people making Steve have to lunge at them and say 'Settle down, settle down'...

[---story change---]

Olivia has lots of cleavage, for a man.

Olivia's bf's fiance said, '...with somethin' that looks like that?!' Ummm. Olivia's wearing less makeup than the fiance...

[---story change---]

Crystal is in love with another woman.

Crystal: I'm in love with another woman. Jerry: W-w... well, what's wrong with that?

The gf has a bf, and Crystal has a bf, too.

Kim, the gf. David, Kim's bf.

David: Wutchoo mean yer sleepin' with Kim?

David: You always watchin' soaps-- Jerry: [stage-whispers] Talk shows.

Dominic, Crystal's bf.

Crystal: Why can't we all just [live together] Audience: FOURSOME FOURSOME FOURSOME FOURSOME!

Kim: The more the merrier, baby!

Jerry: Are you all four livin' together? Crystal: Yeah. Jerry: This could get wild if you get another roommate.

[---Q&A---]

There were perhaps two questions that were not evil evil homophobic comments, and those two weren't very clever anyway. So there's nothing interesting for here.

[---Final Thought---]

"We all get treated exactly the way we allow ourselves to be."

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with two guests who were not very memorable---]