Saturday, July 28, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Undercover Lovers"

Nathan has been paying his downstairs neighbour's wife to have sex with him.

Jerry: So it's not a trailerpark? Nathan: No, it's an apartment complex. Jerry: Upstairs, downstairs... okay, see, just wanna show, people come from all over, on our show...

Tary, the husband. Well, closed captioning says it's Tary.

Jessica, the wife.

Audience: YOU'RE A WHORE YOU'RE A WHORE YOU'RE A WHORE!

Richard's talking on a phone... a regular, landline, red telephone. Weird.

Tary: All I have to do is snap your fingers... Audience: [snaps their fingers]

Tary: You tell me all this in front of a million people? Jerry: [turns to the audience and holds up his hand] I'm gon' have to ask alla you not to tell anyone else.

Nathan: It takes two to tangle!
((Tangle! Ha! I love it!))

Jessica says "Tary" the way Juliette Lewis says "Early." And anyone who gets that reference gets cool points.

Audience: SHUT UP NATHAN SHUT UP NATHAN SHUT UP NATHAN! Nathan: [looks at audience] Oh, Shut. Up.

My mom: JERRY JERRY JERRY!

[---story change---]

Rosemary's husband is cheating on her.

My mom thinks Rosemary looks like Gillian Anderson only fat. And she kinda does.

::blinks:: The woman he's cheating with looks just like Rosemary.

Shane, the guy, and Jennifer, the one he's cheating with.

Jennifer is pregnant.

Audience: SHUT UP WHORE SHUT UP WHORE SHUT UP WHORE!

Shane: [turns to the audience] Hey, I'm on the show, I'll talk!

Shane: You look in your dictionaries, look up 'whore', both their pictures will be on the page! Jerry: See, people on our show have dictionaries...

Jerry: [quiets stage and audience, pauses] Five seconds, that's good.

[---story change---]

Whoa, there's a blonde woman sitting where Richard's supposed to be sitting.

Susan is in love with her friend, who is a security guard for a trailerpark.

Jerry: You said his name is Steve? Susan: Yeah. Jerry: And he's a security guard? He's not our Steve, is he? Audience: STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE! Jerry: I tell ya, if Steve's out watchin' a trailer park while he's supposed to be here, there'll be hell to pay...

Jerry: [to the other woman] Your outfit matches my shoes.

Me: [trying to understand something the fake Steve said] We had sex but we didn't have sex? Lyn: Yeah, Clinton style. TV: Jerry: Was this a presidential thing?


[---Q&A---]

Audience guy wearing amazing wristbands...

Audience woman: I'd like to say that not everybody with a southern accent is as stupid as these people... Audience: LONG LIVE THE SOUTH LONG LIVE THE SOUTH LONG LIVE THE SOUTH!

Audience guy: This is the worst thing I've ever seen... YOUR SHOW ROCKS, JERRY!

[---Final Thought---]

VO promo guy: Detach yourself from proper society and come join us.

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Todd walking down hall with Nathan---]

Friday, July 27, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Baby, It's Your Fault"

Angel's bf, *Snake,* is cheating on her.

Tabitha, Snake's gf.

I think I've seen this episode.

Audience: WHORE WHORE WHORE WHORE WHORE! Tabitha: I'll show you whore! I'll sleep with *your* man!

Jerry: Whaddya wanna tell her? Angel: I... you don't even wanna know what I wanna tell her... Jerry: Pretend I do.

Angel painted "whore" on Tabitha's jacket and "slut" on her helmet. Audience: SLUT WHORE SLUT WHORE SLUT WHORE SLUT WHORE!

Jerry: And who says our guests can't spell?

[---story change---]

Cherrish.

Cherrish's bf is cheating on her with the babysitter.

Eh, it's her husband, not her bf.

Cherrish says she's known the babysitter since she was a baby, and she bought her her first car.

Angela, the babysitter.

Audience: NO MORE BEER NO MORE BEER NO MORE BEER NO MORE BEER!

Audience: SIT DOWN SLUT SIT DOWN SLUT SIT DOWN SLUT!

Audience: SHUT UP WHORE SHUT UP WHORE SHUT UP WHORE!

[---story change---]

Guy: I'm cross-eyed. Jerry: Well, I can cross my toes...

Johnny, the guy.

Jerry's wearing the weird shoes again...

Johnny's gf is evil to him. She says it's okay because he's too wussy to make her stop.

He put on his glasses and asked if he looked good. Audience: WE LOVE GLASSES WE LOVE GLASSES!

I love the way Jerry pronounces "dork".

[---Q&A---]

::laughs hysterically:: The camera was wearing Johnny's glasses...

Audience: WE LOVE JOHNNY WE LOVE JOHNNY WE LOVE JOHNNY!

Audience chick: [to Johnny] I don't even care that you're cross-eyed, why are you with those two when you could have *me?* [she went onstage to hug Johnny] Audience: JOHNNY JOHNNY JOHNNY JOHNNY!

Stage lady: This guy is a *god* in bed! Audience: WE LOVE GODS WE LOVE GODS WE LOVE GODS WE LOVE GODS!

[---Final Thought---]

"We all get treated *exactly* the way we allow ourselves to be treated."

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Steve's Corner---]

With Johnny. Nothing of interest, except Steve laughing a lot.

Thursday, July 26, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Richard's sitting backstage, waving an index card in time with the audience's chanting...

Steeeeve!

"Crushing Secrets"

Kathy is sleeping with her step-brother.

Audience: INCEST WHORE INCEST WHORE INCEST WHORE!

Jerry: You wouldn't sleep with your mother... Kathy: Never know. Audience: YES SHE WOULD YES SHE WOULD YES SHE WOULD!

Heh, the closed captioning says "[AUDIO DELETED]" when there's a beeep...

Kathy: Kevin does things for me you wouldn't even under*stand.* Jerry: Ohhh, try me. Kathy: Oh, I *will* try you! Audience: JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY!

She says he licks her feet and it makes her orgasm. Audience wants to see. He comes out, starts licking her feet, she makes fakey noises...

Kevin: [to Jerry] I could give you some pointers! Jerry: [holds up a hand] I bet you could... [Richard? plays a cuckoo clock noise...]

Audience: LICK HIS FEET LICK HIS FEET LICK HIS FEET! Kathy: Yeah, c'mon, Jerry, take off those shoes, baby! [Jerry retreats] Audience: LICK STEVE'S HEAD LICK STEVE'S HEAD LICK STEVE'S HEAD! [I can't tell if Todd was trying to hold Steve in one place or trying to protect him...]

Someone in the audience is wearing a shirt that reads "ESCAPED MOM"...

Kathy's fiancee: I've gave five years to you!
((I *hate* it when people say "I've gave"...))

Kevin keeps thrusting at the audience:p

[---story change---]

Amanda has been sleeping with her sister's bf.

Tammy comes out looking skeptical...

The bf is frantically trying to attack the audience...

Jeff, the bf.

Jeff: I hate myself for everything I've done!

Jeff keeps saying, 'And then we turn around--' Jerry: A lotta turnin' around goin' on... people must be dizzy...

Amanda has a fiancee...

...and she just had a child with him.

The fiancee: Where does my money go?! Amanda: To a strip club! Fiancee: With your brothers!! Jerry: Is that bad?

Audience: TWO WHORES TWO WHORES TWO WHORES TWO WHORES!

VO guy: Are you so obese you can't leave your home?

[---story change---]

Bobbi caught her fiance in bed with his brother's wife.

Bobbie.

The fiance is called Otis, and says he's been cheating for six years.

[MOOO soundeffect at Otis]

Stella, the brother's wife.

Stella says she loves Otis *and* James.

Otis' shirt has been ripped...

James says they can all go to hell, and he walked backstage...

Jerry: Is Otis your real name? Otis: [nods]

[---story change---]

Jerry: Mindy says she went to her [something]'s trailer and uncovered the naked truth!

Ron, the something...

Ron has a nice, double-wide trailer. Clean, even. Amazing.

He's wearing a bra and fuzzy shoes, probably nothing else as there's a big blur.

Oh, no, he's wearing panties. But they're blurring it in front anyway.

Aww, he's as cute as Jaye Davidson.

There's a trolldoll looking person in the audience...

Nicky, Ron's new gf/bf looks a lot like Mango.

[---Q&A---]

Audience person is wearing a shirt that says mojeans, and I think mojeans.com...

Cute audience chick went to hug Steve, and grabbed his ass;)

[---Final Thought---]

Jerry: The problem here is that people are thinking with what's between their legs instead of what's between their shoulders...
((Umm, shouldn't that be "what's between their ears"?))

"Till next

[---Steve's Corner---]

Steve's worn out from the show, so he had Todd take over.

Todd: What's your nickname in bed? Kevin: They call me the mail-man! Todd: Why? Kevin: Cuz I deliver!

Wednesday, July 25, 2001

Aww, not on the main Blogs of Note list anymore... heh.

---------

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Bitter Women Face Off"

Jennifer says she's not gonna play second best to her sister anymore.

Tracy, the sister.

Tracy is sleeping with Jennifer's husband.

Oh, Traci.

Jermaine, the husband.

Jermaine: When Traci an' me got together, she was like my sister-- Audience: INCEST WHORE INCEST WHORE INCEST WHORE!

Jermaine's holding Traci back. Jerry: Just because he's bald, he thinks he's security...

[---story change---]

Rebecca's husband has never been around, for nine years...

She's cheating on him with a woman.

His name's Tracy...

The gf is a cousin--haven't figured out if it's Rebecca's or Tracy's, yet...

Rebecca: Any man in this audience can give me what I want! Audience: [all the guys] YYYYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Rebecca: [takes off her dress and goes and sits on a few different guys]

[---story change---]

Theresa and her husband have been married for five months.

She says she drives an icecream truck. Audience: GIVE JERRY A POPSICLE GIVE JERRY A POPSICLE GIVE JERRY A POPSICLE! Jerry: I think I got one, right here... Audience: LET'S SEE LET'S SEE LET'S SEE LET'S SEE!

Kisty, the husband's bf.

Audience: BIG WHALE WHORE BIG WHALE WHORE BIG WHALE WHORE!

Jerry: [to Kristy] Are you a customer of her truck?

Jerry: If you've just joined us... Theresa drives an ice-tream-truck! *Ice cream truck*... of course it's totally irrelevant to the story, but I found it very interesting that you do.

Kristy has a gf...

Kristy: She means everything to me. Jerry: Does she have a cousin?

Jerry: Who is this girl? Kristy: George's cousin.

George is the husband...

George doesn't like lesbians.

Jerry: [to George] If you do this again, she'll cut off your icecream. George: She can cut off anything she wants, Jerry.

Barb, Kristy's gf/George's cousin.

Kristy: I hate men! I really hate men! Jerry: All men? Kristy: [looks at him] Not all men. Jerry: Thank you.

[---Q&A---]

Audience guy: Since Steve isn't here, this young lady here's been making a lotta references how she wansta rub his head, I wanna know, can she rub this guy's head? [a bald stage guy] Audience: WANNABE STEVE WANNABE STEVE WANNABE STEVE WANNABE STEVE! Audience girl: [heads up to the stage] [Steve suddenly comes out onstage!! So she gets to rub his head:)]

[---Final Thought---]

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Steve's Corner!!---]

W/ Theresa.

Theresa likes icecream sandwiches. Steve likes push-ups. Steve says that Todd said, 'Anything without nuts.'

Steve: Let's go an' get some icecream. Theresa: Okay.

Sunday, July 22, 2001

If this post seems lacking, it's either because the show wasn't particularly interesting, or because my head hurts a *lot*, or both.

----------

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Steeeeve...

"Shocking Secret Lovers"

Rhonda says her relationship is not a game.

Joey is cheating on her.

With a 75 year old woman.

SpringerCam, Joey's volunteering at a bingo place...

SpringerCam, the 75 year old woman says, "He's a damn good lover."

SpringerCam, her: Where is he? Bingo caller: Goin' out the front door. Her: Damn him!

Willie, the older woman.

Willie: No, no, I don't have to leave your man alone, why don't you hang on to him?

Willie: Older women makes better lovers.

Willie: Yeah, had sex with him. He liked it. Jerry: What? Willie: He liked it. Jerry: I bet he did.

Jerry: You didn't use any protection, you're not afraid of getting pregnant? Willie: No I'm not. I don't need no protection. That's how men like it, don't they? Jerry: I don't know... I've read about it...

Jodie, the bf.

Jerry: Do you two love eachother? Willie&Joey: No. Willie: I don't love him, I just love sex.

Rhonda: I love your love.
((Is that anything like "I'm proud of my pride"? Cool points to those who what tv detective said that.))

[---story change---]

Jennifer's fiance has a secret.

Jerry: And then he says... hey honey, let's go on the Springer show... Her: [laughs nervously] Yyeah... yeah...

Zachery, the fiance.

He's cheated. I'm going to guess with a guy.

Yup, a guy.

Jennifer's friends with the other guy, she keeps referring to him as her sister.

[---story change---]

Bill says he has kept his secret hidden long enough.

He's got to tell his wife that he's gay.

16 years, he was married to her.

Jerry: We'll bring her out, you're gonna tell her now... what a wonderful place to tell'er...

Grace, her.

Grace has rather understated Brunnen-G hair. Nothing else is understated, however.

SpringerCam, amazing lens reflections from the taillights of a car...

Grace: You homo homo!

Millenium, Bill's transvestite bf...

[---Q&A---]

Wow, no interesting questions or happenings... no attention for Steve or Dave or Todd or Richard... aww...

[---Final Thought---]

::smiles at the pointlessness of the Final Thought and huggles Jerry::

[---Steve walking down hall with Grace---]

She says it's disgusting. It's so disgusting she could just die.