Saturday, July 21, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Todd: Welcome to a special edition of Steeeve's Corner! Heeeere's Steeeeeeve!

"Best of Springer Cam"

First guest, Selina Santos, one of the producers.

They're showing her favourite SpringerCam moment...

Todd wants Selina to find out how much the hooker they just showed on SpringerCam charges...

Carrie, another producer.

Steve: [to Todd; laughing] You're such a moron. Todd: That is cor*rect,* sir!

Carrie's favourite is the Thanksgiving Day Disaster. I think I have it archived here somewhere...

Steve says Carrie broke her shoe and had to fix it with tape, just before she came out...

Michelle, yet another producer.

Steve keeps throwing his pencils into the audience--umm, into the chairs, rather, there is no audience--and Todd keeps retrieving them.

Michelle's favourite is this woman being followed around by one of her bfs, singing to her.

Gina, co-ordinating producer.

Todd said, "You are cor*rect*, shuuuh!" Then he burst out laughing.

Gina kissed Steve on the head and left a big lipstick print. Steve: Do I got lips on my head?

SpringerCam, woman, yelling outside a house: MY HUSBAND LIVES WITH A WHORE, MY HUSBAND LIVES WITH A WHORE, MY HUSBAND LIVES WITH A WHORE!

SpringerCam, same woman: Hey, lady! My husband's in there with a whore!

SpringerCam, she's collected some people to chant 'whore whore whore whore' and 'jerry jerry jerry jerry' and even a car to honk along with the chanting. And a drunk is explaining to her that it's stupid to stand there and want the guy back.

Steve accused the drunk of being Todd's dad;)

Todd's wearing dark sunglasses and pretending to be Ray Charles.

Marta, next producer.

Steve: And look, she doesn't have tape on her shoes, either.

Todd's massaging Marta's temples. Todd: Innat grooovy?

Todd followed Marta backstage, to try to continue the massage;)

There're a few people in the audience now...

Steve: How many producers have we done now? Todd: For the record, I haven't done any! How many have you done? Steve: I meant clips. I definitely haven't done our next producer... Tooobyyyy...

So, Toby comes out. His leg is in a splint...

Toby: You're in this clip, you came down to rescue this girl from an evil hairy man.

Steve threw a pencil into the audience, almost hit a woman, and she yelled 'motherfucker!' at him;)

SpringerCam, Guy: What'd you do, bring Big Bad Jerry Springer?? Woman: No, I brought Big Bad Steve!

SpringerCam, Steve in a leather jacket!

Wow, that rocked. Steve screaming at this guy and rescuing the girl. It was great;)

Steve: [throws a pencil at two girls in the audience] Todd: You gotta love it when we've only got two groupies in the audience...

Todd: Heyyy. [wiggles his finger at Steve] Steve: Todd's Magic Finger! Todd: Pull my finger. Steve: [reaches] No, we can't do that here. [pulls back]

New guy, security guy? Says they couldn't find Dave, so he's sitting in. He hasn't got his shoes, says he gave them to Carrie.

Ah, Jimmy, I think he is.

Arg, my tv cut back to CourtTV real fast, before the end of the show:p

::laughs:: Steve, Todd, and Jimmy are all throwing pencils at the girls in the audience. The girls are squealing and running away;)

Friday, July 20, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Steeeve...

"Ruthless Men Confess"

Talina?? This woman's name is Talina. Well, prolly Talena.

Audience: YOU'RE AN IDIOT YOU'RE AN IDIOT YOU'RE AN IDIOT!

SpringerCam, her husband: A woman is not supposed to think. She is supposed to do.

SpringerCam, her husband: I know women don't have a whole lotta brains, I know they don't know much.

Oh! *Kalina!*

Kolina, says the popup.

His gf in on stage, wearing Kolina's bra and panties.

Colleen, the gf.

Kolina. And Colleen.

Audience: RUB JERRY'S HOOVES RUB JERRY'S HOOVES RUB JERRY'S HOOVES!

[---story change---]

Eric is tired of the gay life, and needs to tell his bf.

The bf ran out on stage ready to kill Eric. Dave and Steve took him backstage. Jerry: Well, he doesn't look happy.

Jerry tiptoed toward the stage door...

Jerry: [to Eric] He says you're gay as a brick.

Audience: GAY AS A BRICK GAY AS A BRICK GAY AS A BRICK GAY AS A BRICK!

Antoine, the bf.

Precious, the new gf.

Antoine: Hold up! You sure thass not a man, right there?? [about Precious]

[---story change---]

This woman's husband is cheating on her.

Her: He doesn't wanna act like he's married to me...

Ah! Her husband came out dancing!

Jerry: Are you cheating on her now? Him: Possibly. Jerry: Possibly? What, you gotta look it up?

Him: The girl that I'm with or not...

His gf comes out.

Audience: FAT AND UGLY FAT AND UGLY FAT AND UGLY!

Jerry: I'mon' go grab something to eat...

[---story change---]

Jenny's bf is "acting strange".

Ah, he's wearing a bra and panties.

Jerry: This may be a strange question, but what are you doing?

[---Q&A---]

Three audience girls for Steve... Audience said, 'Give Steve a lapdance', 'Kiss'im onna head', and 'Steve's a whore!'

Audience woman: [points at the guy behind the bricks] I wanna know who this is. Jerry: That's Richard, he's our executive producer. Audience: RICHARD RICHARD RICHARD RICHARD RICHARD!

Someone hugged Jenny's bf. Jerry: What prompted you to wanna do that? Her: He's natural, he ain't got no problems.

Audience woman: I wanna say, with the exception of the the two security guards [Steve and Dave] up there, you are all pathetic. Jerry: You obviously haven't met the security guards.

[---Final Thought---]

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Steve's Corner---]

With Tony, Jenny's bf.

Steve: I'm sure when you get home, you're gonna... be ridiculed by your friends.
((Lyn: Gee, that's very helpful, Steve.))

Thursday, July 19, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"This Marriage Is Over"

Steeeeve!

Kathrin says her bf "is in marriage". She's foreign, too.

Jerry: [mocking her accent] I like your country very much. Kathrin: That makes me sad because I am still missing my country.

Cornelia, the bf's wife.

Cornelia hit Steve!

Kathrin: You know what? You're just piece of trash!

[---story change---]

Amber is sleeping with her ex-husband's wife.

She said, first, 'I'm sleeping with my ex-wife's husband', then laughed and corrected herself.

She says she's been "bi-curious" for two years.

Jason, the husband.

It's taking Steve and another security guy to hold Jason back...

Sydney, the wife.

Amber has a bf, too.

Audience: THREESOME WITH JERRY THREESOME WITH JERRY! Amber: Been there, done that!

Steve: Take'em both!

My dad: What's going on here? Lyn: Oh, his ex-wife is sleeping with his current wife. Dad: Nevermind.

[---story change---]

Monica is tired of chasing down her husband and wants him to stop running.

She says she's gonna kick his ass.

Monica: It's gonna take more than Steve and your little bodyguards! Audience: OOOOOO STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE Jerry: I think it's only fair to warn you... they've been working out. [mocking Kathrin's accent] They strong like bulls!

SpringerCam, Monica won't get off her husband's car. Car washer guy: [subtitles] Lady, your butt is going to get wet!

Brian, the husband.

Joanna, I think, the gf.

Audience: SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT! Jerry: Whoaaa, ssh, don't be talkin' about Steve that way! Audience: STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE'S A WHORE STEVE'S A WHORE!

Monica is singing.

Ah! They're playing the hotter than hell song, and Jerry is mouthing the words.

[---Q&A---]

Audience lady: [to Kathrin] You needa go find a man in your own country and speak the right language! Audience: USA USA USA USA USA VOTE FOR JERRY VOTE FOR JERRY VOTE FOR JERRY!

Audience girl: I jus' wanna give Steve a kiss on his cute little bald head.

[---Final Thought---]

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eacother."

[---Steve's Corner---]

Kathrin says Steve looks like a movie star.

Wednesday, July 18, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

The guy with all the medals...

"I'm Marrying My Sister"

This woman's bf is sleeping with his sister.

She's sitting there in a wedding dress, the woman is...

Heheh: Dad: [looking at the tv] She's gonna get married on Springer? Lyn: Yeah. Dad: To who? Steve? Lyn: No. Does she look like Steve's type? Dad: I don't know. Me: *I'm* Steve's type. Dad: [gives me a really weird look]
((Lyn is my mom.))

The woman: [to the bf] You're a sick bastard!

Dave's comforting the woman. Audience: DAVE DAVE DAVE DAVE DAVE! Jerry: Here's a man who's never slept with his sister!

The woman: [to Dave] Get out of my way! [to the bf] I'mon' get you!! The bf: Please, keep her away from me.

Jerry: [after commercial break] Welcome back... whoaa, this is sick.

Dave stepped on the woman's wedding gown train, to try to keep her in one place;)

And the sister comes out in a wedding dress, too...

The woman is no longer wearing her dress... just bra and panties...

Jerry: Wa-wa, hold on a second here, Dave, you got everything under control? Dave: No I don't. Audience: DAVE DAVE DAVE DAVE!

Sarah! The name of the woman.

Jerry: Sarah comes on the show, and it's hard to believe but she was wearing a wedding dress...

Theresa, the brother & sister's mother.

Sarah: Where is the priest?! I wanna see him! I command it!

She's chasing the Rev around the audience, backstage, into the bathrooms...

Dave: C'mon, stand up, honey, leave the Reverend along.

He's not going to marry the brother and sister;) 'I don't wanna be part o' this, and that's it. [walks away]'

"Do you have an unusual lifestyle that shocks your friends and family? If so, call 1-800-96-JERRY"

[---story change---]

Woman: I'm pissed. I've heard that my son is sleeping with my niece. Jerry: You're on the perfect show!

Linda, the woman.

Val, the niece, walks out in a wedding gown.

Audience: INCEST WHORE INCEST WHORE INCEST WHORE!

Mac, the son/cousin.

Jerry: You're sleepin' with your sis--your cousin. Mac: So?

Jerry: Does this happen in your family? Val: We're the fir-- we're trendsetters. Jerry: [hides behind his hand/mic and giggles] Audience: YOU ARE WHORES YOU ARE WHORES YOU ARE WHORES!

Val has a bf.

Steve, Val's bf.

::laughs:: Rev. started to marry Val and Mac, and wosserface from earlier burst out and screamed at him, she's chasing him again.

Ah! Dave picked her up and is carrying her back to wherever she should be;)

[---Q&A---]

Dave is holding wosserface in the bra and panties down... holding her hand. Cos she tried to attack someone in the audience. Her: I don't need a babysitter!

[---Final Thought---]

Jerry: In case you were wondering, this isn't how most people live.

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aaaand eachother."

[---Dave and Sarah walking down the hall---]

Dave's not wearing his pants.

Dave: What're you doin' later? Sarah: Maybe you.

Tuesday, July 17, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

There are *always* a lot of people in the audience, wearing the same shade of orange.

"Wild Affairs"

Maggie is here to learn a secret from her bf.

Maggie: It's a pleasure to be here. I love your show very much. Jerry: [saying each word as if to a foreigner, because Maggie seems to be one] Thank-you-very-much-we're-glad-to-have-you-here. Maggie: Why can't we forget everything and just be together? Audience: GIVE JERRY A KISS GIVE JERRY KISS!

Maggie says there is "no sex" with her bf. Audience: HAVE SEX WITH JERRY HAVE SEX WITH JERRY HAVE SEX WITH JERRY! Jerry: Yyeah, and you'd still be saying there was no sex...

At the "no sex",

Maggie: [to Jerry] You look so young! Audience: MAKE LOVE TO JERRY MAKE LOVE TO JERRY MAKE LOVE TO JERRY! Jerry: I'm saving myself... until after my death. Audience: FOR STEVE FOR STEVE FOR STEVE FOR STEVE! Jerry: Yeah, I'm saving myself for Steve... take him like a man... Audience: TAKE HIM LIKE A MAN TAKE HIM LIKE A MAN TAKE HIM LIKE A MAN! Jerry: [stupid voice] Hey, I'm straight!

Maggie is from Martinique.

Maggie: Sex is life!

Maggie's mouth is trembling.

Jerry's sitting in a chair right next to Maggie, now.

Maggie: Oral sex... Jerry: That's--oh, that's right, we found out last year that that's not sex.

SpringerCam, Maggie's bf looks like Langley, from XF/The Lone Gunmen...

SpringerCam, The bf is cheating on Maggie with a blow-up doll named Lola.

SpringerCam, he's taking his doll on a horse-drawn carriage ride.

Maggie: I thought he was gay! Jerry: No, I think he's into plastic.

Frank, the bf.

Whoa, very long beeeeeeep as Maggie curses Frank;)

Maggie's taken off all her clothes. Jerry just said, 'You can get dressed... please...'

Frank: She's not an inanimate object, Jerry... you would really be surprised... Jerry: I don't wanna be...

Frank: [pulls up Lola's dress] Who's lookin'? Steve's lookin'...

Frank: This is my life, this is not your life! Jerry: Thank God.

Jerry: You gon' stay with him? Maggie: No, I'mon' stay with you, Jerry.

[---story change---]

Jerry: Jeff says he's finally met the woman of his dreams. Audience: AWWWWWW!

Jeff's gf: While you're at work, I'm kin'a screwin' your roommate. Jerry: That'll teach you to go to work.

Julie, the gf.

[---story change---]

Earlda?? Very masculine lesbian... *Earlda?*

Her gf left her, six months ago, with no explanation.

Earlda. The pop-up confirms.

The gf is sleeping with her own adopted sister.

The gf: It's-it's your fault. Earlda: What did *I* do to make you sleep with your sister?

Erin, the sister.

Earlda: Is Erin here? Jerry: Well, yeah, there's another chair here, I assume that's for her...

Becky, the gf.

Someone yelled, 'THREESOME', it sounded like Steve...

[---Q&A---]

And audience guy is wearing a homicide shirt, "our day begins when yours ends", likely Chicago homicide, although that's not the only city that has such shirts.

Audience guys: WE LOVE MAGGIE WE LOVE MAGGIE WE LOVE MAGGIE!

Another security guy is having Lola rub Steve's head...

Audience lady: I bet everyone would like to know what Steve looks like with hair, [unzips her vest] I have it on my chest. [shows off a shirt with what looks to be a yearbook picture of Steve, with hair; Steve says it's his highschool picture] Audience: STEVE WITH HAIR STEVE WITH HAIR STEVE WITH HAIR!

Ohh, rockon, he's signing it:)

[---Final Thought---]

The Steve-with-hair lady is now sitting onstage, with Steve:)

Jerry: Let's be honest, a lot of this is very sick.

"Till next time, take of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Maggie---]

Steve: You want sex with Jerry? Maggie: Oh yes!

He says he'll talk to Jerry;)

Sunday, July 15, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Sex Confessions"

Jerry: Are you--are you ready to tell a dirty secret? Audience: YYYYYEEEEAAAAHHHHH!!!!

Keith thinks his gf Ebony is cheating on him.

SpringerCam, Ebony is whoring.

SpringerCam, Keith: What the hell are you doin'? Ebony: I'm hookin'! Thass what I'm doin'! I'm hookin'! I'm sellin' my ass for money!

Ebony has glitter all over her chest. The pre-commercial promo for this segment said, 'All that glitters is ho!';)

Ebony's pimp is Keith's uncle!

Ice, the pimp/uncle.

Audience: [to Ice] YOU SUCK YOU SUCK YOU SUCK! Jerry: No, he's the pimp! Audience: SHE SUCKS SHE SUCKS SHE SUCKS!

Ebony: You a white man in a white man's world eatin' cavier and wearin' Armani suits an' [something] shoes... Audience: JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY! Jerry: Okay, you convinced me, I'll become a hooker.

Keith: [to Ice] Maan... maan, y'know'm sayin'? Maan... Jerry: No...

The client the SpringerCam interupted is here, he wants an apology and his money back:p

Glenn, the client.

[---story change---]

Jerry: Damien says he's got so many secrets he can't keep track of them all.

He's sleeping with his uncle's gf, *but* he's gay and has a bf.

What... what the hell is this habit of two people who are fighting bumping their chests into eachother and yelling in eachothers' faces?

The uncle just knocked a chair over.

Stephanie, the gf.

Ernest, the uncle.

Damien's bf is very, very angry.

Steve: [to Ernest] Siddown over there, stay sittin' down.

Chris, Damien's bf.

Damien: I still love you-- Chris: Shut up. Damien: I wanna be with you! Chris: [while Damien continues to babble] Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. It's done. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

[---Q&A---]

Audience chick: You'll have to excuse me, I'm not from this city, I was wondering how much a cheap ho costs? Ebony: You oughtta know, you look like one!!!

Audience girl: [waving around a $20 bill] Jerry: [takes the money] $20, thanks. Audience girl: This is for Jerry, so don't get excited, ho!

[---Final Thought---]

Steve's not sitting in the middle chair onstage; it's empty. He must be preparing for Steve's Corner...

"The money's good and it's not as if the work's terribly difficult." Jerry, on prostitution;)

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aaaand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with Ice and Keith---]

So, not Steve's Corner:(

They're just talking, Steve's not saying anything. Weird.