Friday, July 13, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY...

Heheh, the Warning comes on, makes the noise. My dad: What the hell is that?

There was a little green dot on one of the camera lenses...

"Shameful Showdowns"

Jerry: Hiiii, nice to see ya, yeah, hi! Lemme getcha a drink...

Sunshine's bf treats her horrible.

Sunshine took off her clothes and the security guys are letting her go around the audience and hug people... and she hugged Jerry, and then Steve. Audience: STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE!

Sunshine: Fat women are beautiful! [Someone plays the mooo soundeffect.]

Hehehehe, my dad: This is sickening.

He keeps complaining about it, but he keeps watching. Like watching a car wreck? Hehehe...

Sunshine's bf: Cover her up, she's makin' me sick!

[---story change---]

Connie's "bitch of a sister" is sleeping with Connie's husband.

Jerry: When did you sister start sleeping with your husband? Connie: I have no idea, really, when it started, but I have an idea.

Jerry: Why do you stay with him if he's sleeping with your sister? Connie: Because I love him. Audience: Awwwwwwwwww.

SpringerCam, Connie: I will give them an ass whoopin' from hell!

SpringerCam, she caught them in a car, an old not-very-good car with a big dented in place. She's having the car towed. The bf: Hey, don't scratch my car!! Audience: [laughs]

Connie: [about her sister] She's a whore. She'll sleep with anybody. Jerry: Wellll, then we wanna meet her. Here's Hope.

Connie: How could you do this to me?? Hope: Do what? Connie: Sleep with my husband! Hope: I haven't done nothin' wrong!

Hope: My youngest daughter might be his! Connie: The one I'm raisin'?!

Hope: Look how sexy I am, and look at you! Audience: YOU'RE NOT SEXY YOU'RE NOT SEXY YOU'RE NOT SEXY YOU'RE NOT SEXY!

The husband: [yelling at the booing audience] I'm a grown man, I'll do what I want, when I want!
((I bet his mother said things like 'when you're grown up you can do what you want, while you're under my roof, you do what I want'))

Audience: [to the husband] WHERE'S YOUR TEETH? WHERE'S YOUR TEETH? WHERE'S YOUR TEETH?

Audience: LOOOOOOSSSSSEEEEERRRRRR!! The husband: I'm not a loser, I'm a winner!

Connie: If you didn't love me, I would not have been able to have that baby!
((Um, what?))

Connie: You're a sorry son of a bitch! The husband: No, I am a real man!

Audience: YOU SUCK YOU SUCK YOU SUCK YOU SUCK! The husband: I do not suck! I am the man!

--Missed a few minutes because I had to take my dog outside, *and* because my dad is attempting to make the remote control devices that it doesn't really want to control--

[---story change---]

Looks like this woman is cheating on her bf with his cousin.

Umm. The new guy's name is Hambone. Audience: HAMBONE HAMBONE HAMBONE HAMBONE!

--Ah, my parents have left now, so my dad won't be interupting the tv's transmission:p--

Hambone, who does indeed look like someone named Hambone, showed off his big belly. Audience: SEXY SEXY SEXY SEXY! Jerry: Lotta meet on dem bones...

Steve was holding Hambone back. Audience: STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE! HAMBONE HAMBONE HAMBONE HAMBONE!

[---Q&A---]

Audience chick: This question is for Steve, last year when I was here before, I asked you for your shirt and you said you would give it to me next time, so where's your shirt? [Sunshine unbuttons Steve's shirt and the girl comes and gets it, and hugs Steve.] Audience: STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE!

Jerry: [to another wuaidnece chick] As I understand it, the last time you were here, you asked for Todd's pants? Her: Yyyeahh, Toddd!! Sunshine: [runs up to Todd and tries to unzip his jeans; Steve holds him down and another security guy holds his legs, the sound guy chants at the audience to chant 'TODD SUCKS TODD SUCKS TODD SUCKS TODD SUCKS!]

Whoa, a stage guy called a black audience guy 'boy', and they blanked it...

Audience guy: Hambone, you're my role model, man! Sunshine, my dad would like a hug. Sunshine: [runs up and gives him a hug, then goes around to audience to hug other people] Audience: GIVE JERRY A HUG GIVE JERRY A HUG GIVE JERRY A HUG! [Jerry allows this to happen. Sunshine goes back onstage and high-fives Steve as she passes him.]

Sunshine's doing a little dance to the theme...

[---Final Thought---]

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Steve's Corner---]

He's got Sunshine there.

Steve and Sunshine want to know why Todd wouldn't take off his pants, Todd says it's because he's wearing these--he pulls down his pants and shows off blue silk panties. Sunshine likes them.
Looks like I won't be getting my Springer fix tonight, as it was on at midnight, while I was watching the X-Files.

We got a satellite dish today, and now get a different FOX station... good news is, Springer is on at 1pm, so my mother will now be able to watch it. I'll have to make my notes during the 1pm showing, cos I don't wanna not watch XF... arg, this is annoying.

In case any Adelphia (or NBC, or Baltimore Pictures) employees are reading, we canceled our Adelphia account because CourtTV wasn't coming in. And we can't live without Homicide: Life on the Street.

Yes, we switched services because of one show. Heheh.

LEXX series 4 starts tomorrow!! Well, tonight. I can't wait. ::bounce::

Thursday, July 12, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

A director's chair with "JERRY" on it, but he's sitting in a different chair...

"Secrets Explode"

Destiny is a stripper and a callgirl. She's here to tell her fiance that she's a callgirl.

Jerry: I don't believe you. What's your number?

Destiny says she comes from a long line of callgirls. Destiny: Keeps a roof over my head, pays the bills... Jerry: And a bed under your butt...

Destiny's bf is not happy.

And here comes one of the clients...

the bf: He's, like, old!!

Larry, the client.

Larry's gf is not happy:>

[---story change---]

Rebecca says her plan to seduce her husband backfired.

Rebecca: Our trailer burnt down-- Jerry: That's the first sign you're on our show. [pause] I'm sorry, that's ob, that's, [stammers for a bit] That's not funny, I shouldn't make fun, anyone get hurt? Rebecca: No. Jerry: Okay, good, then I can make jokes.

Jerry: Well, we certainly hope it isn't the same bitch. Audience: JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY! Jerry: What is the name of the woman you don't like? Rebecca: Shasta. Jerry: Oh my gosh, it's Shasta!

Shasta: You're--ooh--aarg! You're retarded! Rebecca: At least I ain't named after no pop!!

Steve stopped Rebecca from attacking somebody. Audience: STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE DON'T HURT STEVE DON'T HURT STEVE DON'T HURT STEVE DON'T HURT STEVE!

Shasta called the bf a wimp. Audience: WIMP WIMP WIMP WIMP!

[---story change---]

Erica doesn't want to be kept in the closet about her boyfriend's secret.

Dantez. Her bf.

Erica: The fact that I'm here tells me I have a problem... a big problem. Jerry: Think how I feel, I'm here every day.

Dantez is a transvestite. A good one.

Dantez: Don't keep tryin' to grab my hair!

Dantez: [to Erica] I wanted to be straight, and I thought you were the only one who could make me straight, but it's not possible.

Dantez is cheating.

Dantez' bf has niiice arms.

Damound? The bf's name is... Damound? ::hopes the pop-up comes up again::

Damound: [to an audience lady] You're on the wrong show, this is Jerry Springer, not Jenny Craig!

Oh. She's spelled Eri-ka.

The bf's name didn't come up again...

[---story change---]

Scott has been on the show before. He was cheating on his wife. He thinks she's cheating on him, now.

Jerry: ...you bring another guy into the house? This is the kinda thing that winds you up on the Springer Show!

Scott's friend has been sleeping with Scott's wife since before Scott and his wife got married...

Larry, the friend.

Carol, the wife.

She looks rather like a Carol I used to know. Only uglier.

Carol says she's falling in love with Larry.

Audience: STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE! Steve: [nods graciously at them]

[---Q&A---]

Audience guy: You said you come from a long line of callgirls... aren't you afraid that if you have a girl, she's gonna be a WHORE JUST LIKE YOU?!

I think that callgirl has a snake-eating-its-tail tattoo...

Audience girl: [to Jerry] I just wanna hug you. [hugs Jerry] Steve?: WHOOOOOREEE!!! Audience: KISS'IM ONNA LIPS KISS'IM ONNA LIPS! Her: [stands up again, holds out her arms, smiles, blows Jerry a kiss] Jerry: [goes back to her, quick peck on the lips] Audience: JERRY'S A WHORE JERRY'S A WHORE!

Audience guy: [to Dantez] Miss Thing, you look good, girl. But your boyfriend's gotta go. [The bf attempts to respond.] Steve: Be quiet. That's it. Be quiet.

An audience girl told Dantez to "cover it up". Audience: LET'S SEE YOURS LET'S SEE YOURS LET'S SEE YOURS! Her: [stands up, undoes her jeans, shows off her panties] Audience: [something] STEVE! Her: [goes and wiggles at Steve, then at the camera]

[---Final Thought---]

"If you think your mate's cheating on you, he or she probably is."

The very slow zoom is sorta uneven, this time...

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aand eachother."

[---Steve's Corner--]

Steve's here with Bobbi, the audience chick with the panties. She's from Indiana, she's a bartender. She said where, but they blanked it:\

Steve: Will you give the fans of Steve's corner another look at your . . . derrier? Her: If you show me yours. Steve: You first. Her: No. Steve: Maybe after the show? Her: Nno. Steve: Damn. I picked the wrong audience member.

Wednesday, July 11, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Liars Busted"

Virginia's bf says he has something to tell her.

Jerry: He tells you he wants to come on our show, you gotta be thinking, 'Ohh, geez... what's that about?'

Virginia: His snoring drives me out of the bedroom at night... Jerry: Ohh, guys who snore...

Virginia says his bf never bathes.

Someone in the audience is wearing a "we [heart] steve" shirt!

The audience is cheering insanely because the sound guy managed to get the sound equipment back on the bf after he took his clothes off (to reveal a bra and panties), even though he was flailing around...

The bf is also cheating.

Steve stuck his tongue out at the camera:)

[---story change---]

Tim says he found his friend and his girlfriend doing a lot more than camping together in the woods.

Other audience people are wearing "we [heart] jerry" shirts.

Tim can howl really, really well. Like a coyote.

SpringerCam, Tim's friend: What the hell is that camera doin' here?! Tim: It's the Jerry Springer Show!

Promo: Jerry: If you're gonna be a redneck, be a *good* redneck.

Promo: Audience chick: [to Jerry] I just have one thing to say... what's up with your shoes??

Audience: COWBOY WHORE COWBOY WHORE COWBOY WHORE!

Mike, the friend.

Tim: So, what, you just suddenly decided to screw me? Jerry: No, I think it was her...

Tim brought Mike's gf to the show, to show her how much of a piece of crap Mike is.

Audience: HAPPY TRAILS HAPPY TRAILS HAPPY TRAILS!

Tim: He thought he was bein' slicker than seven layers of goose grease. He-- Audience: [bursts out laughing] Jerry: There is nothin' slicker than seven layers of goose grease!

[---story change---]

Kathy says she can't trust her husband as far as she can throw him. Jerry: Kathy, how far can you throw'im? Kathy: Not very. Jerry: What--yeah. What's goin' on?

Kathy: He's wearin' his hair different-- Jerry: He, he runs his hair differently? Kathy: Wears-- Jerry: Ohh, *wears.* Like Steve's been wearing his hair lately... Audience: STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE!

Kathy said that Sean washes the dishes, and he doesn't ever do that. She said, "warsh". Jerry: Yeah... when they suddenly start warshin'...

They bring Sean out. Jerry: Hey, Sean, your hair's different.

Audience: HILLBILLY LOSER HILLBILLY LOSER!

Audience: HILLBILLY WHORE HILLBILLY WHORE!

Steve: [points his finger in the gf's face] *Language.*

::peers at the audience:: 'go kick the rocks'? Surely not.

[---story change---]

John has been sleeping with his sister's lesbian lover. Audience: WE LOVE LESBIANS WE LOVE LESBIANS WE LOVE LESBIANS!

Jerry: How did you know her girlfriend liked men? John: Well, when she seduced me...

Naomi, the sister.

John: She ain't lesbian-- Naomi: She ain't lesbian?! She's been screwing me for a year!!

Jerry: Hey, I've been a lesbian.

Naomi: Brothers don't sleep with their sisters' old lady! Audience: THREESOME THREESOME THREESOME THREESOME! John: Not with my sister! Not with my sister! Audience: FOURSOME WITH JERRY FOURSOME WITH JERRY FOURSOME WITH JERRY!

[---Q&A---]

Audience-stage fight, Steve offered to hold one of the cowboy guys' hats...

Steve's wearing the hat, now:)


VO promo guy: Are you brave enough to venture into the lost world of Jerry Springer?

[---Final thought---]

Jerry needs a proper chair to sit on. He looks very uncomfortable on the Final thought stool.

"Till next time, take care of yourself, aaand eachother."

[---Steve walking down hall with the guy in bra and panties and the gf---]

Steve says he likes his own underwear. He says his buddy, umm, some name, wears a bra and panties.

Aaand, they walked past said guy...

Sunday, July 08, 2001

Wow. This blog is now on the interesting blog list at the main site. Wow. ::waves insanely:: Thank you, blogger-webperson!!

And my friend and her bf showed up during the show, so I didn't get to finish it, but that was so very cool. Two amazing things happened in one day. I'm happy.

------

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"My Twin Slept With My Man"

Jerry: Welcome to the show! Audience: [cheers] Jerry: Yeah, it's true!

One twin: How can I talk to you about my problems when you *are* my problems?! You're sleepin' with my man!!

VO promo guy: A Merry *Springer* Christmas!

Promo: Jerry: And may *Steve* be in your stocking.

One twin: How the hell could you do that to me?! Other twin: Because I'm a heartless bitch!

Jerry: Why would you do this to your sister? Other twin: Because I'm a heartless bitch and I'm gonna keep doing it. Audience: Ooooo!!! Jerry: Ah, see, I didn't think there was a reason... I guess there is...

Audience: TWIN WHORES TWIN WHORES TWIN WHORES TWIN WHORES!

Jerry did the Baltimore 'hhh?' thing at the end of a sentence. Cool.

One of the twins: I'm nine minutes younger than her!
((Hmm, anyone lost nine minutes recently?))

Jerry: Other than just the flippant answer of, umm, 'I'm a bitch', I think it was, seriously, why would you do this?

[---story change---]

Julie was happily married until she found out her husband has a gf.

Louis, the husband.

Louis is unresponsive to Jerry's questions, so he's just gonna bring the gf out;)

The gf *and* Julie are both furious with Louis.

Crystal, the gf.

Julie: The guy grabbed my haht! Jerry: He grabbed your... hot? Julie: Haht! Jerry: Oh, heart. There's a lot of grabbing going on here, I wanted to be sure...

Louis: I know I cheated, but I'm willing to work this marriage out. Jerry: [golf-announcer-whisper] He's willing to work the marriage out. Louis: I love you. Jerry: [g-a-w] He loves her.

[---story change---]

Heather says she isn't gonna let her bf go, even if he is married.

Guy: Calm down! Heather: I am not gonna calm--quit sayin' that!!

---Ummm, I missed the rest of the show because my friend showed up at the door. At nearly 3am. That was so very cool.--