Saturday, June 16, 2001

Jerry, n.
Eighth wonder of the world.

Springer, y.
To disrupt the harmony of your love life.

They have Taralisa... the food whore.

Jerry: You're giving up dick for food?

Taralisa: [chasing the general manager of the hotel] HAVE SEX WITH ME! Him: We make the guests have the fun!

Hedonism II, Jamaica. 'Nude Beach No Photographs'

They've got 'censor' signs over bits of people;)

Guy: Who you gonna believe?! Your eyes or meee?

One of the camera guys sticking a camera between this chick's legs...

Steve in a white shirt... and shorts.

The people standing around, to a chick: SLEEP WITH JERRY! SLEEP WITH JERRY!

Jerry without a shirt! In a pool with lots of chicks. He's all freckles. He needs makeup.

Lesbian food fight. They're throwing food at Steve and Dave! How dare they!

Food on the camera...

One knocked Dave down with a big cake.

One of Jerry's chicks: Jerry, you're much cuter than Maury.

Guy: Would you get your grapes out of my girlfriend's mouth?

People standing around: HEDONISM WHORE HEDONISM WHORE!

"Jerry's wardrobe provided by www.littlegrasshack.com"

Kenny. This guy called Kenny. Is most of a torso, a head, and two arms and two hands. Oh my god it's scary.

Jerry, on his knees...

People standing around: GIVE KENNY A CHANCE!

Kenny's girl's bf: Slut doesn't even begin-- People: SLUT SLUT SLUT!

Steve & the other security guys mistaking a fat guy for a whale... they pushed him back in the water...

Friday, June 15, 2001

JERRY JERRY JERRY...

"Please welcome man's best friend, Jerry Springer."

"When Lovers Erupt!"

::laughs:: A guy behind Jerry waved at the camera and mouthed "hi, mom"

Jerry: Roger says he's given new meaning to keeping it in the family... Audience: Ooo!

He's having an affair with his gf's mother and aunt.

Jerry: How did that happen? Her mother walked in one day, you went 'Whoa!'? Roger: No... truthfully... Jerry: Might as well... be truthful...

Jerry: You are now... I'm so confused. You're still sleeping with the girlfriend?

Roger: It's it's it's it's it's a crazy situation... Jerry: It's mind-boggling!

Jerry: [looks at the guy who sits behind the bricks] What? Wha? Oh--oh. [to Roger] I've just been told she's [the gf] listening backstage!

The gf: I love him... I love him a lot. Jerry: Obviously he loves your family a lot...

Jennifer, the gf.

Jeanie, the mother.

Audience: SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT!

Jerry: Whaddya wanna tell her? Roger: [to Jeanie] I been havin' sex with your sister without you.

They brought the aunt out. Audience: AUNTIE SLUT AUNTIE SLUT!

The aunt: [moons the audience] Audience: [screams] DO IT TO JERRY DO IT TO JERRY DO IT TO JERRY! The aunt: [moons Jerry] Jerry: [pretends to vomit]

Roger: [to Jeanie] The trust between me an' you, like, really really really really really really... sucks.

Springer Hedonism 2, Jamaica promo: Jerry: Our lawyers don't like nudity... VO guy: Oh, [beep] the lawyers!

[---story change---]

SpringerCam, old guy: Who the hell are you and who the hell is that camera?!

Audience: [to the guy who's gf is sleeping with the old guy] GIVE HIM BACK HIS TEETH GIVE HIM BACK HIS TEETH!

Audience: [hot stuff?] SLUT! [repeat]

Jerry: You don't need teeth for everything...

[---story change---]

"Brenda says she's here to steal another woman's husband."

Jerry: She [the other woman] is backstage... [looks at the behind the bricks guy] hearing this or not? Guy: [nods at him] Jerry: Ohh, she's hear this. We really need to get these doors fixed.

Audience: [to Paul, the man] DRESSES LIKE STEVE! [?]

[---Q&A---]

Audience lady went to hug Steve, he pretended to pull her shirt up, she got away. She showed the audience her breasts. Steve: I didn't get to see!! Audience lady: [turns back to Steve, shows him] Audience: DO IT TO JERRY DO IT TO JERRY DO IT TO JERRY! Her: [doesn't] Another audience lady: [shows Jerry] Jerry: [grins, turns away, goes to a big fat lady who stood up, holds out his mic] *Don't even.*

Audience lady: Jerry, can I get a hug? Audience: AWWW! KISS HIM ONNA LIPS KISS HIM ONNA LIPS! Jerry: [hugs her]

[---Final Thought---]

Jerry: You can enjoy being with multiple partners...

"Multiple partners never multiply the joy, only the pain."

[---Steve walking down hall with hold guy---]

::boggles:: Steve tumbled down the ramp from the stage... the old guy helped him up. Then they discussed toothlessness.
JERRY JERRY JERRY...

I wonder who he is, that chick who stands there and hand Jerry his mic...

"Spiteful Lovers Confess"

Audience: [cheers] Jerry: Oooohhh, how nice you are! Thank you thank you thank you!

Tommy says he's through being Mr. Nice Guy.

Tommy: My wife, all she does is bitch bitch bitch... Jerry: Does she have a reason to bitch bitch bitch? Tommy: She can have any reason she wants...

Whoa, there's a woman sitting behind the brick thing...

His wife just said that marriage is about fighting, but not cheating...

Tommy: [yelling at a guy in the audience] Yyeah, look at you, you need plastic surgery, guy! Jerry: Now, wait a minute. This audience... they're my personal friends. Audience: YYYYEAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY!!! Jerry: [to the audience] And ya owe me money.

Tommy's wife, to Tommy's gf: Trailerpark *tramp!* Jerry: Nooot on our show...

The gf: I listen to him... Jerry: Yes, but you're listening to him with your clothes off.

gf: You're jealous because I have a body and you don't! Audience: LET'S SEE LET'S SEE LET'S SEE!

What? I missed something. The wife suddenly agreed to a threesome. Jerry looks as confused as I am. Made the audience happy, though.

Jerry: Alright... I hope you're all very happy together... Tommy: Well, we'll find out. There'll be a Jerry Springer Part 2, maybe.

[---story change---]

Jerry: Matt, you kicked your girlfriend out of a trailer? Matt: Yes I did. Audience: [giggles] WE LOVED TRAILERS WE LOVE TRAILERS! Jerry: Well--why--well, hellfire! Why'd you do that?

Jerry: What? You bought her cigarettes and she wouldn't... what, did she not smoke them and that upset you?

Every time Jerry asks why, Matt says, 'Why? ... because...'

He's pimping his gf. Matt: With the money get... Cigarettes, soda, pictures... Jerry: Well! How long are you goin' to be livin' on high street? Matt: 'Bout four or five months. Jerry: [boggles and almost laughs, walks toward side of stage to gain his composure]

Whoa, she looks like Debra... the gf does...

Uglier, though. Amazing.

Matt: She bought me all kinds of cigarettes and sodas...

Jerry: This is, ah, a disturbing story...

Trish, the old gf.

Trish: You're sick! Audience: YYYEAAAHH!!!

Matt: [holds up his hand] Talk to the hand. Jerry: That's so '97. Audience: JERRY JERRY JERRY!

Candy, the new gf, the whore.

She's very boney, is Candy. Very, very.

[---story change---]

Raven is sleeping with her bf's cousin.

Female cousin. Audience is happy;) 'WE LOVE LESBIANS!'

Whoa. She doesn't want to break up their family. Thass not like Springer guests.

Raven tripped, yelling at her bf... Steve caught her.

Raven: I'm takin' her to my apartment where the bed is warm, the food is good-- Loren: And the sex is even better! Jerry: Sounds like a Holiday Inn... Motel 6.

[---Q&A---]

Audience lady: This is for Steve... can I wear your shirt? Audience: STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE! Steve: I'll trade. You give me your's, I'll give you mine. [So she walks up onstage and they trade shirts...] Jerry: [leans toward Steve] Would you like my shirt?
That is so *cool,* I wish I'd thought of it... I want Steve's shirt!! I'll take Dave's:)

Someone threw Steve her bra... Audience: PUT IT ON PUT IT ON PUT IT ON! Steve: [puts the bra on his head]

Steve looks nice in just his tshirt;)

[---Final Thought---]

"Take care of yourself... aand eachother."

[---Steve's Corner---]

Yay, he has the audience lady! He asked why she wanted his shirt, she says she's in love with him:)

Tuesday, June 12, 2001

Whoa, Jerry said 'Jesus'... cos this woman is sleeping with her son.


Okay, other than that note, which was from the beginning, I'm only getting about the last few minutes, because my uncle arrived at my door and I talked to him for a long time, before he went to bed.

Audience guy: This is for the incest people... don't you think there's enough inbreeding in your family? Guy and his mother: No, there's no! Jerry: ... You said there's not enough inbreeding in your family? Do you think you need more? Them: Yeah, there needs to be more!

Audience guy: STEVE'S A WHORE! Audience: STEVE'S A WHORE! STEVE'S A WHORE!

There's a fake Steve sort of a guy. He helped break up a fight. The audience is chanting 'SCOTT!' at him.

[---Final Thought--]

Jerry: You know... where do you find these people?... it's the most asked question on talk shows...

[--Steve walking down hall with Scott---]

Talking about Scott replacing Steve;) Steve says they pay $7 an hour:>

---

Okay, as those notes are fairly lacking, I'll add my notes from catching Jerry on FX's theTEST, earlier. These notes are culled from a log, because I was talking to someone while watching the show. They were testing on sluttiness...

-

They asked if you'd give your phonenumber to a police officer to get out of a ticket, Jerry said, 'If it was a female officer and she was cute and I wasn't speeding, I'd drive up next to her and say, 'Here, I was speeding...''

Question: Can you name all the people you've slept with? Jerry: I remember the name of every one . . . but every one was named honey.

Host: ...think about this... is Jerry Springer wearing underwear right now? Jerry: [is sort of looking into space until she says that; then he slowly turns to look at her and looks oddly embarrassed]

Host: ...and also joining us, Jerry Spr-- Jer-ry, Jer-ry-- Audience: JER-RY JER-RY...

They asked if a rommate walked in on you and your partner having sex if you'd a) tell them to get out, b) say they can watch, c) have them join in. Jerry said, 'First I'd have them take off their clothes... then sit down... then get out.' Someone said, 'I'd call that a C.' Jerry said, 'Well... okay, why not...'

Jerry says he leaves dirty messages on his own machine...

Jerry: I go home at night, I listen to them, it's great... I put on my female voice... Host: That's a whole other show...

Host: Jerry? Would you rather be having sex right now? Jerry: [looks at her and starts laughing] Do you-- do-- Her: Do I have to ask... Jerry: I... [laughs more; holds his hands up and speaks sarcastically] Nooo, I'd rather not be having sex... duuhhhhh...

Jerry's the biggest slut!:>

The person sitting next to Jerry had the lowest score, and she said, 'I wanna be a slut!' and he said, 'I'm here to help you.'