JERRY JERRY JERRY...
I wonder who he is, that chick who stands there and hand Jerry his mic...
"Spiteful Lovers Confess"
Audience: [cheers] Jerry: Oooohhh, how nice you are! Thank you thank you thank you!
Tommy says he's through being Mr. Nice Guy.
Tommy: My wife, all she does is bitch bitch bitch... Jerry: Does she have a reason to bitch bitch bitch? Tommy: She can have any reason she wants...
Whoa, there's a woman sitting behind the brick thing...
His wife just said that marriage is about fighting, but not cheating...
Tommy: [yelling at a guy in the audience] Yyeah, look at you, you need plastic surgery, guy! Jerry: Now, wait a minute. This audience... they're my personal friends. Audience: YYYYEAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY!!! Jerry: [to the audience] And ya owe me money.
Tommy's wife, to Tommy's gf: Trailerpark *tramp!* Jerry: Nooot on our show...
The gf: I listen to him... Jerry: Yes, but you're listening to him with your clothes off.
gf: You're jealous because I have a body and you don't! Audience: LET'S SEE LET'S SEE LET'S SEE!
What? I missed something. The wife suddenly agreed to a threesome. Jerry looks as confused as I am. Made the audience happy, though.
Jerry: Alright... I hope you're all very happy together... Tommy: Well, we'll find out. There'll be a Jerry Springer Part 2, maybe.
Jerry: Matt, you kicked your girlfriend out of a trailer? Matt: Yes I did. Audience: [giggles] WE LOVED TRAILERS WE LOVE TRAILERS! Jerry: Well--why--well, hellfire! Why'd you do that?
Jerry: What? You bought her cigarettes and she wouldn't... what, did she not smoke them and that upset you?
Every time Jerry asks why, Matt says, 'Why? ... because...'
He's pimping his gf. Matt: With the money get... Cigarettes, soda, pictures... Jerry: Well! How long are you goin' to be livin' on high street? Matt: 'Bout four or five months. Jerry: [boggles and almost laughs, walks toward side of stage to gain his composure]
Whoa, she looks like Debra... the gf does...
Uglier, though. Amazing.
Matt: She bought me all kinds of cigarettes and sodas...
Jerry: This is, ah, a disturbing story...
Trish, the old gf.
Trish: You're sick! Audience: YYYEAAAHH!!!
Matt: [holds up his hand] Talk to the hand. Jerry: That's so '97. Audience: JERRY JERRY JERRY!
Candy, the new gf, the whore.
She's very boney, is Candy. Very, very.
Raven is sleeping with her bf's cousin.
Female cousin. Audience is happy;) 'WE LOVE LESBIANS!'
Whoa. She doesn't want to break up their family. Thass not like Springer guests.
Raven tripped, yelling at her bf... Steve caught her.
Raven: I'm takin' her to my apartment where the bed is warm, the food is good-- Loren: And the sex is even better! Jerry: Sounds like a Holiday Inn... Motel 6.
Audience lady: This is for Steve... can I wear your shirt? Audience: STEVE STEVE STEVE STEVE! Steve: I'll trade. You give me your's, I'll give you mine. [So she walks up onstage and they trade shirts...] Jerry: [leans toward Steve] Would you like my shirt?
That is so *cool,* I wish I'd thought of it... I want Steve's shirt!! I'll take Dave's:)
Someone threw Steve her bra... Audience: PUT IT ON PUT IT ON PUT IT ON! Steve: [puts the bra on his head]
Steve looks nice in just his tshirt;)
"Take care of yourself... aand eachother."
Yay, he has the audience lady! He asked why she wanted his shirt, she says she's in love with him:)