"Ladies and gentlemen, would you please welcome the eighth wonder of the world, Jerry W. Springer..."
"Love Affair Disasters"
Donny says his girlfriend and his father have been getting very close.
Donny: I let my father move back into the house, I go back to jail...
Whoa, Donny's gf married Donny's father. While Donny was in jail.
Donald, the father.
Donald: [cursing] Steve: Language! The language!
Audience: PUNK PUNK PUNK PUNK!
Donald: I'm gonna make the story short, sweet, and simple. Jerry: Good, cos it's a short show.
The gf came out. Audience: DADDY'S WHORE DADDY'S WHORE DADDY'S WHORE!
Jerry: I'm trying my best. I'm new to this. Her: You're talkin' to a whore. Get used to it. Audience: JERRY'S WHORE JERRY'S WHORE JERRY'S WHORE! Jerry: It's not like I haven't been there.
Her: Quak off.
Shelley says her marriage is one big lie.
She's 18 and has been married for three years. Has a kid. She thinks her husband is probably cheating on her.
Shelley's friend Suzi looks lots like Brett Butler.
Suzi's sleeping with Shelley's husband.
Ah, it's Suzie.
Audience: [boooos as the husband comes out] Him: Booo.
Shelley: [to her husband] You are coming home to take care of your family if I have to stick a pole so far up your [beep; ass]--
Audience: WE LOVE BITCHES WE LOVE BITCHES WE LOVE BITCHES! Jerry: If you're a big enough one, we'll have you back on another show. Audience: JERRY'S BITCH JERRY'S BITCH JERRY'S BITCH! Jerry: That's not bad, a bitch and a whore in one show.
Audience: HOMEWRECKIN' WHORE HOMEWRECKIN' WHORE!
Jerry: [mocking the guests' accents] Ah tell yew wut, we'll be raht back!
Margaret and her bf have been together for seven months. 'We had a really good relationship, at least I thought we did, until you guys called.'
SpringerCam... her bf is a crossdresser. A really, really good one. Well, he might not be so good on stage...
Margaret: Are you gay are you gay are you gay are you gay?!!!
::laughs:: The crossdresser ran up to Steve, and Steve tried to hide. The chick sitting next to him hugged him, sorta, tried to protect him;)
Roxy is here to steal another woman's man.
The other woman, April, is quite angry. Yay, Steve, yay, other security guy.
The man doesn't want anything to do with Roxy.
Steve is trying to restrain Roxy... she's knocked him down and he's holding her foot. I think the audience is chanting 'don't hurt Steve'...
Audience: [to Donny & Donald] THREESOME THREESOME THREESOME! One audience guy: FOURSOME WITH JERRY! Audience: FOURSOME WITH JERRY FOURSOME WITH JERRY FOURSOME WITH JERRY!
Audience: STEVE'S NOT GAY STEVE'S NOT GAY!
Audience guy: [to one of the chicks] If you wanna go out after the show... Her: Thanks. Audience: GO GIVE HER A KISS GO GIVE HER A KISS! Her: No, no!
Jerry: Three is *always* a crowd.
"Take care of yourself, aaand eachother."
[---Security guys running insanely down the hall---]
The running of the bulls. Jerry kinda blinked at them for running around. Steve got caught by Roxy. One of them: Shouldn't we go back and help him?! Dave: I'm head of security now, get out of my way!